New here!

[jennifer6]

Hi ladies,

I've been lurking on the board for a while but this is my first time posting.  I'm 30, married, and have a son.  I've also spent my entire life grappling with gender and sexuality.  Sounds like we've all been there, but I've never said most of this out loud before, except to a few very close friends.  I know that I'm definitely a woman inside, and spend my days thinking, dreaming, wishing I was beautiful outside, instead of the guy in a dress who shows up in the mirror.  Whenever I see a beautiful woman on the subway, wish I could wear that skirt, those boots, that long hair, that lipstick.  I sneak makeup and panties when I'm alone.  I know it's right for me but I'm honestly scared of what comes next.  How do I tell those I love that I'm not who they thought I was?

I'd love to get to know you all in time, because you've all been there, and I'd love to hear more. 

Thanks for letting me be part of this world.  I need it so much.

Jenn

[Angela78]

Jenn,

I'm very new here as well and in much the same position as you.  I've also just returned from my third appointment with my LGBT therapist yesterday.  I finally told her that it's more than just dressing that interests me - I really feel like and desire to be a woman.  It's incredibly liberating and I recommend finding a therapist nearby that you can talk with.  Soooo helpful.

Angela.

[AbraCadabra]

Hi Jennifer,
I wish for you that you find loads of help and insight whilst you hang out with us.
YES! We know what you speak about and as you will carry on your path, thing WILL get clearer.

Hug,
Axelle
PS: Do not miss to look through the 'site rules'... it comes helpful to know, as it also can also get stormy at times :-)

[jainie marlena]

Hi, Jennifer
I was where you are about year ago. Things have change since then. Telling people takes time. I was telling people before a year ago but it was harder then. I am pretty open now and just about everyone knows. Anyway welcome to Susan's.

[SiobhanB]

Hi Jennifer,

You're right, we've all been where you are, or indeed are still where you are.

Your first step is to try and seek out a support centre or gender therapist in your area.  They wil help you sort through your options and help you figure out a way forward.

It sounds like you've broached the subject with your close friends, and I'm hoping that since you didn't say otherwise, they were supportive.  Telling your wife will of course be the hardest and maybe should wait until you've seen someone who can help you decide how to broach the subject.

Of course we will always be here to lend a friendly ear.

Good luck.

Siobhan.

[Jenny_B_Good]

Hey Jennifer ( SNAP! )

Talking is the best thing to do. With a therapist or even great friends. I so know where your coming from.
The thing is the little steps. First thing I started to do was grow out my hair and grow my nails.

I'll be honest, this was a scary thing in itself. I know growing your nails scary?! but that's the thing. When you've been hiding for so long you can actually get pretty paranoid about the fact that people will notice!! Emotions will take over and the fear will become almost over whelming.
We live in a society in which an 80yr old woman can die in her apartment and not be discovered for three months, and yet as a transgender, I believe people are concerned that I feel like a girl...seriously they couldn't give a ->-bleeped-<-.

And it is that thought that has kept me going ever since. .... most people probably don't even care.

I hope that helps,

Jenny

[ByeBye]

hi i'm new here too. i've been keeping the girly stuff private like in my room for like 10 years. it leaked out a few times to family members, friends, but really it was private.

[Vicky]

It will take you a few posts to get on to the members only forum, but there are many good posts there on Coming Out which is one of your questions.  Do see a therapist, while they should have some prior skill with Trans people ideally, even one with a willingness to learn about gender issues will do wonders.  In the course of learning about yourself with the therapist, you will be able to start getting others involved in your coming out.  Each person will be different, but learn to know your own heart first, and the speak from it.