New here and cunfused.

[dessiree2b]

Hello my female name is Dessiree and am new here. Since I first started trying on mom's lingerie, I have always like wearing womans cloths. When I first got out on my own, I started buying cloth's and things for cross dressing. Then I would meet a girl, trash eveything and think it was over.

Some years later I would get the feeling to dress again. Start buying cloth's again and dress around the house. This last time I made a friend that cross dressed and we went out on the town. I liked going too this club and lip sinking. I even started liking men while is was dressed as a woman. Then I stopped dressing again, because I started dating women again.

I started dating a pre-op and we are know married. She know's about my past cross dressing. She is ok if I want to cross dress or be gay. If I do cross dress or am gay, she wont stay married to me. She want's a man that is in charge and is masculine. I love her very much and don't wont to lose her.

The other issue running through my head is my sexual problem. I found a link to my starting up crossdress again. After a relationship with a women and I have difficulty getting erections, I turn back to crossdressing and being a bottom in a relationship. help me I am so confused and don't know what to do.

Dessiree2b

[Louise]

Desiree,

For the kind of confusion you are feeling you may need professional counseling more than you need the kind of advice we can give you here.  I know that I can speak from my own experience and do not claim to do anything more than that.  Crossdressing and sexual orientation are two distinct issues.  Most crossdressers are heterosexual, so wanting to wear feminine clothing does not mean that you are gay.  It doesn't mean you are not gay either.  I'd suggest you look at each of these issues on their own.

One thing that sexual orientation and crossdressing have in common is that by the time we are adults these are so fixed in our personalities that they most probably cannot be changed.  Counseling can help you to accept and live with these issues, but it will not transform you into a "regular" straight guy.

[Steph]

Hello my female name is Dessiree and am new here. Since I first started trying on mom's lingerie, I have always like wearing womans cloths. When I first got out on my own, I started buying cloth's and things for cross dressing. Then I would meet a girl, trash eveything and think it was over.Some years later I would get the feeling to dress again. Start buying cloth's again and dress around the house. This last time I made a friend that cross dressed and we went out on the town. I liked going too this club and lip sinking. I even started liking men while is was dressed as a woman. Then I stopped dressing again, because I started dating women again.

It's called purging and many, many, CD's and TS have done it.  I'm not sure why it's done, but maybe someone here can explain why.  The only thing I can think of is an attempt to deny reality.

I started dating a pre-op and we are know married. She know's about my past cross dressing. She is ok if I want to cross dress or be gay. If I do cross dress or am gay, she wont stay married to me. She want's a man that is in charge and is masculine. I love her very much and don't wont to lose her.

"be gay"?  you make it sound like being gay is a choice.  It's not you either are or you are not.  From what you have written it cold be that you are Bi which is cool as well.  Additionally loosing loved ones is all too common for member of the T community.  To help with the situation at home you have to keep the lines of communication open, and above all you must be honest with her as a relationship that is not based on honesty is really not a relationship.  Be open and talk, talk, talk.  See if there is a compromise there as that is another key element of a successful relationship is the ability to compromise.  But be warned that there is still a good possibility that the relationship won't survive.

The other issue running through my head is my sexual problem. I found a link to my starting up crossdress again. After a relationship with a women and I have difficulty getting erections, I turn back to crossdressing and being a bottom in a relationship. help me I am so confused and don't know what to do.

It would seem that your cross-dressing is a sexual fetish and that is quite common among CD's.  The important thing to remember is that it's ok to be that way so I wouldn't really worry about that aspect.  Your real worry at this time seems to be your relationship wit your wife.  Solve that problem and the others should be easy.

Remember honest, open, calm and collected communication is the key.

Steph

[dessiree2b]

Thank You for all this wonderful advise. I am sorry if I was confusing in my discusion of cross dressing and being gay. I know you have no choices about these. You are born gay or staight and born male or female. That is inside, you might be a female inside, but have a male body. I am looking at going to see a therapist near me. I need to workout these issues. I do want to be honest with my wife, but I think I will wait until I see a therapist first.

Dessiree

[gina_taylor]

Hi Dessiree,

I must agree with what Louise said about sexual orientation and gender identity being two totally different issues. I had a few good sessiosn talking about that with my social worker. I also agree that most cross-dressers are heterosexual, but there are a small percentage that are homosexual. The best thing to do Dessiree, is to find a knowledgeable social worker or therapist and talk with them about both issues.

It's strange that your pre-op wife has given you an altimatum that if you dress or have any gay tendencies that your marriage is over.

In answer to your question Steph, I believe that we purge because we feel that we have gotten over the urge for cross-dressing, but it's so badly inbreaded into us, like our characteristics that after we've purged, something triggers it and we're right back were we started. It's happened a lot to me, and four years ago, I just decided that I wasn't going to purge any longer, and my life has been so much better.

Gina 

[PrettyFlowingGown]

Gina is right on!!!!
I did'nt think I'd ever be gay or bi, but when I was 26 something happened. I started experimenting and enjoyed it. Your very much like me too in the way you cant get erections either. I'm the same. Its easy for me when I dress alone, but its not easy when I'm with someone. Dont know what it is. I've thought of counselling about this, but money is the thing I worry about. I have'nt been with a girl for over a year, my last 3 sexual encounters were with men and I tell you, its been hard.

I say try counseling.

[gina_taylor]

Thanks PrettyFlowerGown.  Since I've been out more as a woman, I tend  to be sexually more active with men, but on the other hand I still enjoy being with women. So I've just come to the conclusion  that I am bi-sexual.

I've been on an on-line dating service an I've just reently hooked up with a really nice woman. In her profile, she told me that she's 'straight'. I'm not sure on how to bring up the subject that I'm a bi-sexual transgender, and still keep in good terms with her. How many would agree with me that being bi-sexual is in the middle.   straight - bi-sexual - gay

Gina