I realized that it's been awhile since I visited here so I thought I'd say hi :-) It's not that I avoided Susan's; I guess I've just had other things on my mind.
August 31 marked 3 months since I had SRS with Dr. Suporn. Healing has been right on schedule; my "post operative guide" states that the second and third months after surgery are the most difficult and that turned out to be very accurate. Now, well into month 4, most of the pain I've been feeling has more to do with becoming more active, using muscles that I've been favoring since June. I've made a few discoveries... the most important was realizing that everything works properly ;-) I cried for awhile after my first post op orgasm back in July because I was just so relieved to know I was capable. My first post operative time with a guy last month really felt like the FIRST time... I remember thinking, "So this is how it's supposed to feel." I'm so glad I did this... and so glad I took this final step. No, SRS doesn't magically solve all of one's problems but it's made me feel remarkably better. I realize, now, how much time and energy I spent on transition.. Now that it's over there's a space where transition used to be; at times I feel like I don't know what to do with that space. I've had to make a conscious effort to slow down physically. One weekend in August I was feeling so much better that I decided to take my canoe out, which involved lifting it on top of my car. I didn't feel it that day but the next morning I woke up in pain.. It was frustrating; I keep telling myself that I'll still be healing at 6 months. I really have been feeling better since the first week of September, though... Next weekend I'm going camping and hiking with my kids. Yep, I'm ambitious ;-)
There's something going on with my hormones that I need to figure out.. I'm trying not to stress about it but my doctor has decided to stop treating transsexual patients. I'm going for blood work tomorrow so I'll hopefully have the results in hand when I see my new doctor. I'm not thrilled that he's a guy; I vowed never to have a male doctor again but he's reputed to be the best in the state. My endocrine system has just gone through a huge change and I can feel it! I stopped spiro and dropped my E dose... I stopped progesterone two weeks ago because I think it was making me bitchy. I'm anxious to see where my levels are. I'm still convinced that my family is hypersensitive to DHT and that I might wind up on a small dose of finasteride or Avodart but I guess we'll see. I know that things take a long time to level out... up to a year, I've been told... I'll do my best to be patient.
I'm starting to figure out at least some of the reasons why so many women wind up disconnected from the trans community after SRS... I told myself that I wouldn't be one of them but I have to admit that I've even contemplated leaving my support group. At the second meeting after I got back from Thailand, I stated that I was glad it (transition) was all over. There was one there (a non-op) who had a big problem with that... "Oh, it's never over, " she stated condescendingly. She went on and on about "the cause" and how ashamed I should be of myself because I really didn't feel "trans" anymore. I guess I just feel like I've done what I set out to do and now I can just get on with my life. I like being there for the friends I've made, especially those who are just starting out. I like to tell them that I did it and that they can, too.. I have no use, however, for the ones who think I'm a sell-out because I sought surgical treatment for my condition. It's complicated, I suppose.
I've been spending lots of time with my kids :-) Now that I'm feeling better, I'm looking forward to doing more stuff with them. Yeah, I said, "stuff." ;-) I think I'm going to introduce them to skiing this coming season. (a passion of mine) My son started kindergarten this year. I'm so proud of my kids I'm taking my daughter to the LGBT event at Six Flags in Mass. this Sunday. I'm also determined to make my faith a bigger part of my life... I practice Wicca; I've been considering checking out the Unitarian Universalists as Wicca is welcome with them. It's been so long since I felt I was part of a religious community and it would be nice to meet more people and make more friends.
It's so refreshing to feel optimistic! I could certainly get used to this new-found feeling of peace that I've discovered. Now all I need is a boyfriend! LOL (Working on that, too)
