Fear

[robokot]

So I absolutely dread coming out to my parents, I suffer from really severe social anxiety, I always keep distance to other people except my closest family (parent, brother & his family). I don't have any close friends just people I talk to at work. I know my family will take it hard, I know they will see me in a different light, suddenly a stranger to them. I live alone in a different country but we talk on Skype every day. And I fear then I will be totally alone in the world, my parents are also above 60 and quite traditional and see stuff as gay people to be freakish and immoral (not even mentioning transsexuals). I wish I didn't need them as much as I do which is a horrible thing to say.

I also feel guilty because my mother's health is not too good as she's got high blood pressure and even the smallest thing can make her flip/get angry and take a trip to the doctor.

I feel like a terrible coward and that my life is slowly slipping through my fingers.  Pretty much the only person who knows about my trans issues is my GP and even that conversation felt very awkward to me. "So you say you you feel you are a man, has that something to do with your sexuality, that you are attracted to women?"

[LivingInGrey]

Your not the only one who feels like a coward...

I am going to meet with my mother in the near future and I've been planning on talking with her about everything... And I just can't shake the feeling the 'going to get sick' feeling and I'm constantly telling myself 'there's no reason to tell her unless I'm actually going to go through with a transition'.

I hope I don't wimp out... But if I do, at least my mom can't say I haven't spent any time with her lately =/

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am another sister coward.  My mother is pass 80 and is conservative.  None of my family will understand why I am transitioning.   Even at my age I wonder sometimes why I am.  I fear not being able to transition.  I also fear staying in my male shell, though I know it would please my family members if I did.   So, never feel like you are alone.

[Cen]

Are you seeing someone about the social anxiety?  I've just started looking into dealing with it either with therapy or medication.  Treatment might make things easier.  At least that is what I am hoping for... Right now it takes some work just to leave the apartment.

I've been planning on coming out to my parents for a few months, but every time I think about it I always end up deciding to wait until I don't need any help with tuition.  On one hand I feel like that's just an excuse to hide it, but I don't want to mess up a good thing.  The alternative would almost certainly halt my ability to transition in the near future if things went badly.

[Julian]

I too suffer from social anxiety, even around my closest friends and family members. I absolutely dreaded having to come out to my parents. I ended up coming out to my mom when I was severely depressed and dysphoric, and couldn't think of any other way to express what was wrong. I'm lucky that although she's on the conservative side, she's at least a little progressive and was able to accept me, if not fully understand. I also feel like I've become a stranger to my parents, like all of a sudden I'm no longer their little girl.

Sorry I don't have much to offer but hugs. *hug*

[jamiejo]

Fear!  Fear is good, fear makes you feel alive.

No one ever wants to come out to their parents, they are the last peers in the world you want to tell.  When coming out to family you need to change your focus from you, to how can I successful support my loved ones.  This is not time to be selfish.

Keeping people at a distance???  You need a slap on the wrist!!!  This is going to make it harder for them to accept you.  I don't mean to scare you, but I would recommend working on social skills so these people can better understand you and support you.  I sent a memo to my entire staff (engineering company) of 500 employees - nothing but support and they have my back.  People love to be around positive people, they brighten up their day - trust me on this one.

So, here is my advice: 
1. How are you going to tell them (I used a letter, I live in USA, but my family lives in Australia)
2. What supporting material are you going to provide them so they can be educated in GID, Surgery, etc
3. How are you supporting them with Therapy?  They will be in Shock, denial, grieving, etc.  I booked my parents into a Therapist.
4. Are you going to share your transition plans and schedule?

I have come out to everyone, Family, friends, coworkers, clients, neighbors.  Only lost one so called friend, but meet hundreds of wonderful new people.  Why should I be so lucky, I'm not...I just don't see the negatives we live with in out lives.

This is my coming out letter.


Well I hope this helps, good luck.
Jamie