So some advice would be greatly appreciated

[britt27]

Okay, I think I'm not currently alone nor the only person who has ever gotten to this point.

But let me lay out some of my background to make things more clear.

If I had to put an age to it, when I really started questioning my gender, I'd say around 14.  I was always a senstive boy before then, and I always felt slightly different than my male peers in school.  But I've heard others who played with dolls and had girls as their only friends in elementary school, and while I did play some "feminine" games with my sister when I was young, this was not me.  I use to believe this meant that I wasn't really transsexual, that it was some product of raging teenage hormones and confidence issues, but I've been fortunate enough to read about others who were, late, I guess, in developing these feelings.

On top of that I am now 24, 25 in February.  These feelings dropped me into a depression that lead to suicidal thoughts in high school.  Since then I have fought them tooth and nail, dipping in and out of brief periods of letting the feelings come through and near embrace of them, and other periods of complete denial.  Overall, this had lead to just waves and waves of depression.

I'm no psychologist, but I'd almost guaruntee you that one hearing my story would say that the drugs I got into in college were meant to be an escape from this depression, as well as the binge drinking I still continue to this day.  But as a new "wave of feelings" (defined by others in another topic as your Dysphoria setting in, but for me its just my guard finally being overwhelmed), and realising that I have been battling this for over a decade, I am finally starting to say enough is enough.

As much as I don't like it, as much as I'd like to live a normal life, I've got to accept this.  I can't keep running because its killing me.

Enter the newest challenge of my life.  Without going into much detail, because it could get me into trouble, I am in the military, in the first half of a year of a six month contract.  Joining was a solution to the fact that I was nearly homeless due to joblessness and debt.  I don't hate the fact that I am in the military, if anything it has given me confidence in my self to accept myself and do just this, seek to finally accept myself and turn my life around.  However, it does put a whole damper on the "finally taking action on the fact that I am most likely transsexual thing".

Basically, I would really like to start seeing a therapist.  But, that is probably impossible at this point, without getting me kicked out.

So I am on here mainly looking for advice as to what, any of you, would do in my position.  If anything, what steps would you be taking as of now so as to not jeapordize your military career but to still take actions to make your life a little more bearable as a transgendered person?  I don't know, any advice about anything you can give me would honestly be appreciated.

Anyway, I'm new here so thanks for welcoming me to your community and I appreciate you hearing me out.

[justmeinoz]

Hi Britt.
  I joined the Police Force here to get a job too, and it's probably a good thing I did, as it gave me a structure to operate in.  I didn't have to worry about not being man enough, because the uniform acted as a shield to an extent.  As I just thought I had Depression due to being confused I didn't run the risk of being kicked out due to being TS.
Seeing as you are in on a short term enlistment, maybe you can use the time to do your research. People-watch
to see how women do things, and listen to how they speak and what they speak about.  If people are going to know you were in the Army, maybe pay attention to how women soldiers act in particular.  No sense getting caught out down the track.   There is a lot of literature out there, maybe start a library if you are not in barracks.  Maybe you can approach the whole transition thing like an Army training program, lots of small chunks, one at a time, so you know the subject backwards?
Karen.

[britt27]

Thanks Karen,
Although I'm in the Navy and not the Army, but no biggie.

  It sounds like a good idea though.  The only thing that bugs me is that I will be 30 before I am out and can begin anything, but I guess that gives me time to research and be prepared!

[NatashaD]

I was in your shoes, and I understand how maddening it can be that your life has to stop in order for you to survive.

I saw a therapist on post while I was in, but I played it off as standard post-deployment counseling to verify I was still sane and not suffering PTSD. The problem with him was that he didn't know anything about GID. I couldn't find a therapist that specialized in GID that also was part of that military insurance network either.

What you can do, and this is preferable, is to find a therapist in whatever major city is close to your base and pay cash. Yes, it can get a bit expensive, but cut out whatever else you don't need. No cable, eat Ramen or the DFAC, etc. It's easier when you're single.

That's about all you can do while you're in, but don't let that get you down. Therapy is an IMPORTANT step and something you have to do before you can move forward with anything else.

Well, that's all you can do directly. Go to school, enhance your resume, take advantage of everything you can while you are in. If you think it prudent, remember you can earn and save a lot of money with a deployment.

Any other questions?

[justmeinoz]

BIG OOPS THERE!

[NatashaD]

Karen,

I've been kicking around the idea of joining a police force or sheriff's department, though I feel that I wouldn't be fully transitions before that time came. Any advice?

[justmeinoz]

The American system is so different to our State based system, I can't offer any specific advice other than that a larger Force in a Trans-friendly city like New York would probably be easiest.  Also take promotion as quickly as possible and get experience in as many branches as you can. 
And the fact that it is possible to become  healthily suspicious and cynical about the things and people you meet, without getting bitter.  Police Sergeant's rarely join religious sects for instance.

Karen.

[mimpi]

Hi there, Britt27. Not certain what country you are in but in some cases the military and police are ok with this and even let people transition on the job. Could possibly be a win win situation for some, either they are forced by laws about discrimination to accept you and probably pay for everything (!) or they can let you go. In the latter case with a good lawyer in an employment tribunal perhaps there could be a very good financial outcome for you.

Really like your writing style, btw.

[britt27]

I'm in the US, and trust me, there is no acceptance of transgendered people in this military.  They still don't want to accept homosexuals, despite "don't ask don't tell" being repealed.

[NatashaD]

No acceptance of transgendered, but I wonder if a Representative or Senator could change that if they were to sponsor a transitioned individual through the process (think GI Jane) if they could remain stealth.

I would love to go back in after transition, but this entire GID issue forces me to make a choice.

[britt27]

Natasha,
  If I saw a private therapist off base, is there no way the military could pull up records on that?  They pretty much own my medical history now, would it not "pop up" in their records at some point?  Even if it does not state what kind of therapy I was recieving, any possible "mental health" issues can be a big deal.

[SarahLynn]

is there no way the military could pull up records on that?

Your therapist should have private records on you, as in only accessible by your therapist. The only way I could think that it would be possible is if the therapist stores your records in a national database then they "might" be able to. My experience is (although possibly outdated) that your records are stored locally in your therapists office.

[britt27]

Hmm, interesting.  As I stated previously, I'm still new to the military, much of it is confusing to me at times.  I still worry that they may be monitoring my interenet since I'm here on base, and that I may be screwing myself right now, even though internet is through a private company (Comcast).

[NatashaD]

Natasha,
  If I saw a private therapist off base, is there no way the military could pull up records on that?  They pretty much own my medical history now, would it not "pop up" in their records at some point?  Even if it does not state what kind of therapy I was recieving, any possible "mental health" issues can be a big deal.

The military won't know if you do not tell them, and it takes an act of God to get psychiatric records unless a court orders them due to a criminal investigation.

You'll be fine going to a private therapist.

Nobody is monitoring your private internet usage with your personal Comcast account on base either. They only monitor the work computers hooked up to a base network. Just be sure you password protect your computer and do not let anyone use it. I've known some people that got screwed when someone else "found" things on their friend's computers.

[Katrina_Reann]

That is a tough situation Britt. If I were in your shoes here is what I would...

I would take advantage of some of the schooling if I were still in the service. And I would choose a field where transitioning would be more possible. Yes this would push out a sooner transitioning date but you would have a career to go into when you get out of the Navy. This would mean you would be able to afford to transition when you got out. Because as you know it is expensive when your figuring in electrolysis, FFS, HRT, SRS, and any other medical services you will need. As I said this will push the date of transitioning out by a few years but the schooling will be paid for and you will be working toward your goal of transitioning. During that time you can be working on voice training as well.

As for counseling I agree with the others that private counseling might be the best. Private counselors have to keep everything confidential unless you sign a release. And there are many counselors who are willing to counsel over the phone or via computer. So you might want to check in to that. But be sure you get a Gender Therapist rather than some one who doesn't know or understand all the issues of GID and being Trans.

Remember that more often than not it takes time to transition and certain guidelines have to be met. And if I was you I would use that time to put myself in a better position for a future that would better myself and help me become the woman I was meant to be. Remember the story of the hare and the tortoise?? Slow and steady progress will put you across the finish line first...while fast and furious can leave you in the ditch wondering how you lost the race......Huggsss....Katrina

 

[britt27]

Thanks for all of the responses.  I'm glad to know I can get on to this site in peace as long as I keep my computer locked away when I'm not using it.

Katrina, I am definatly taking advantage of my time in the Navy.  Already I'm earing college credits and I'm putting money into my GI Bill to be able to continue schooling when I get out.  Mainly, at the moment I would just like to recieve some counceling, because I have been putting it off for years and it would probably feel really good and be very healhy for me to get alot of this off of my chest.

[Katrina_Reann]

Britt,
I figured you probably was taking advantage of all the Navy offers......I just had to say it because there are those who don't.

I hope you do find a counselor or therapist soon. And until you do find one we are here for you if you need any support...Huggsss...Katrina