Hi Trista;
I've often had similar feelings and they can feel rather nauseating. I've come to understand that, at least for myself, I have this feeling over lots of things and not just 'transition' in the sense of my body for this transformation.
Every transition is different but I know that I have faced many transitions and they have commonalities including my fear and hesitancy. When I changed careers (and not just jobs), when I left the big city to a tiny rural community, when my wife was on life support (don't worry she is doing rather well and we expect our second child next week), when I first came out to my wife, and now this... In all things, I left a place that I knew well but was no longer able to remain in for my own well-being and sense of self. The thing about transition is that I find it very scarey at times because I leave the comfortable shore that I know for the open sea (what William Bridge's called the Neutral Zone) and I've left into a rough ocean and can no longer see any shore. I do like the open-endedness and the options of becoming this or that and having alternatives in front of me although I don't like the buffeting I take from the wind and waves. But here is the thing, once I choose my destination then I feel so much better because I may not know the specifics but all of a sudden I can start steering in particular directions and see where I am heading in the distance. When I do take a bit of a beating, I still can move slowly where I need even if I have to zig-and-zag a little to get there... It is hard at the same time because one choice opens and closes so many doors which I hate. But in the end, despite all the anxiety, I leave the safety of 'home' rather than staying on the dock or always in sight of the same relatively safe, but unsatisfying place that I am.
I am not in the least suggesting that you take any step and I don't know if any of this babbling helps. But, I think all of us have been through other smaller transitions or maybe bigger ones and can use these experiences to navigate this one.
Big hugs to you. I hope you feel better and make the right choices for yourself, whatever they are.
