Do you think it's right of my dad to do this?

[xxchriscsxx]

I was forced to tell my dad I'm gender-queer. My mom already knows though. I just don't know where else to get help and my therapist just stood back and said nothing when my dad was making these ridiculous statements. After I came out to him he told me "that he's not just going to let me do whatever I want", and "I'm not going to have this in my house". He's being completely ridiculous. I told him that I want to be treated as though I'm a girl since I am practically borderline transsexual but he refuses to believe this. He's like thinking I'm going through a phase despite the obvious signs from my childhood that I was not meant to be a boy. He's saying when I'm older I can do whatever I want. But I can't wait until then. I don't want to be his son, I want to be his daughter. I don't want to be Chris, I want to be Hannah to him. But for some reason he's not letting me. They're saying they want me to conform to society, well they need to realize that I'm not a normal person, I'm mostly a girl on the inside and I'm not expected to conform. And I'm not asking them for much. Im just asking them to let me wear my wig, let me wear my makeup which I already do normally, and treat me like I feel on the inside. I feel extremely uncomfortable when someone calls me a boy or a he. It's just not fair that they would do this for me, I feel betrayed by them that they would do this. And to make it worse they keep on thinking I'm confused despite the fact that I told them I feel happier when I dress like a girl and I feel like a girl on the inside. They think that I'm jumping into this but I'm not, I've felt like this my entire life I've just recently found out the word to describe what I'm feeling. Could someone please give me advice. I really need it. And I'm sorry for making this post long.

[Taka]

you could just rebel like a good teenage girl.. i'm not sure it will help you with getting your father's acceptance, but at least it could boost your self confidence a bit while showing them that you mean it. i got to that stage 10 years too late, and i still regret most of the things that came with trying to be someone else for such a long time. the good thing about rebelling in my 20s is that i'm not dependent on my family to get by, but the bad thing is that they already think they know me, since i never showed the real me when i was a teen

what's good about being a teen is that you can do things a little more extreme while people think it's just a phase, so when you get older they'll think you're normal when you tone it done a little even if you still don't conform at all. but if you decide to rebel make sure you have spare clothes and wigs in a place where your father can't find them, just in case he starts throwing all your girly things away

stupid advice maybe, but i can't think of any other solution than just being yourself. you've a right to live your own life as the person you are, even though your parents don't want it. age has nothing to do with anything, it's just an excuse your father uses in order to escape responsibility

[Janet_Girl]

As long as you live under his roof, he can do what he wants.  Hell even after you leave they control what you do.  I should know I tried to transition 20 plus years ago and among other things, his opinion kept me in the closet.  But I did eventually transition.

You will too.  Just stand your ground, girl.

[RhinoP]

To be completely honest, if you'd have lived in my parents house, you'd have already been beaten to a pulp for even mentioning a wig or anything that was considered non-Christian at all, so I say that at least your parents are being physically rational, although emotionally stupid. To be honest, your parents cannot legally "make" you or "prevent" you from doing any single tiny thing that isn't against the law, and they also legally cannot kick you out, stop feeding you, stop buying you clothes, physically hit you, or take anything away from you that you bought with your own money. However, they can stop you from hanging out with friends by refusing to drive you to social events, and if you drive with your own gas money, they can stop you from going to social events if they involve the police.

I say that you should act and dress gender neutral at your house (no crazy wigs, no pink outfits, it's not hard to put up with neutral feelings for awhile) and simply be yourself when you're out with friends or at school. Carry clothing items with you, or wear items that are gender neutral but hold a great importance to you emotionally. Also, if your school has a dress code that prevents you from wearing certain items, your parents do not want you to get in trouble over that when it comes to school life. But yeah, I say always carry a backpack full of your preferred items, and change when you can; it's what I had to do.

Elsewise, continue to talk to your therapist, ask her to say something about your parents irrational emotions, and if your therapist supports your parents instead, quit going to her before she harms you and your family relations by making your parents feel "right".

[Sevan]

I'm so sorry your therapist wasn't more helpful and didn't keep a theraputic environment by allowing your dad to spout off and be rude.
However he dies have the right to impede you until you leave his home. That's terrible...I know. What I would advise is to give it time. How did you feel when you very first started having feelings about being female? It wasn't comfy right out the gate! Right? It's scary, and maddening and frustrating. You've had time to learn who you are, what you're about and what makes you tick. You've had time to process all that. To him...it's completely new. He might suprise you with a little bit of time.
Find those who do support you and be your true self around them. Let them support you and really soak it in when they call you Hanna, and "she".
If you've already been wearing make up then just keep on. You can do it. *hugs*

[LordKAT]

You CAN legally kick a child out. There are some things you must do to not have legal problem with it but you can do it.  They also can make you do things that are  not illegal, just to follow their rules. If you live under their roof, you abide by their rules. When you become 18, or if you emancipate yourself, then you can do what you want within society's rules.

[Amazon D]

I would use reverse psychology and tell them when you are told to act like a male it makes you feel violent or feel like you have to be overly sexual and you don't want to be that way. You want to get them on your side. You do not want to make your life living there hell. Try to understand their point of view. However, tell them you are suffering with male testosterone issues that are making you sexual life crazy. Tell them your afraid you might act out sexually with someone and get some STD. they will want to protect you from that. Tell them living as a girl is your way to be safe and not feel like the rest of the overly sexual males around you. Tell them maybe they could get you on spiranolactone to block the T in your body from igniting your testes in turn igniting your sex drive. Tell them your afraid of catching something and you want to be safer and live a life not so traditional for a testosterone driven juvenile male. Don't try to get them to think of you as rebeling but think of you as wanting to be safer. You may have to start this with the therapist first to get the ball rolling.

[mimpi]

Not sure where you are Hannah but afaik the age when you can do more or less what you want is 16 here in the UK. 18 remains the age for voting and legal majority but at 16 one can leave home and there is nothing one's parents can do about it. A close friend of mine did just that years ago. Possibly different in the US...

[Robyn]

Hannah, take a look at the Trans Youth Family Allies site <http://www.imatyfa.org/>. It is an organization that helps trans youth and their parents navigate the challenges of young transsexuals, including school issues..

Your parents would be doing you a huge favor by having you evaluated by a gender counselor and, if appropriate, putting you on puberty blockers in case you still want to transition when you are older.

My suggestion: Contact TYFA and ask their advice.

Robyn

[Aileen]

I am not familiar with your dad, so I cannot really tell how he'd react on things or how important that relationship to you is from his point of view. But you could ask him what he's afraid of as it's still you. I would suggest talking things out and try to solve the problems as good as possible without getting into an emotional fight.

Bad and tasteless, maybe old joke which fits in here somehow. Hope you can smile a little about it: You know how to notice when puberty starts? - Parents get difficult