"Dysphoria" is misleading, to me

[Padma]

Heh - as I've said elsewhere, if I were 20 years younger I'd be killing myself to look like Shane from The L Word (but that ship has sailed...)

Thank goodness for the back button, I thought I'd erased your post, sorry about the winky .

It's so weird, isn't it, that we're forced to wonder in the first place why we're androgynous. I mean, fundamentally: Why not??!? It's just how we are, and questioning it or justifying it is just a cultural encrustation on top of the naturalness of it. I love the femme look - just not on me. Right now I'm happy in my scarlet Vans and bootcut jeans and stripy tops - I just need a good winter jacket and I'll be good to go. Oh, and no facial hair would be good too .

[eli77]

Heh - as I've said elsewhere, if I were 20 years younger I'd be killing myself to look like Shane from The L Word (but that ship has sailed...)

Don't sell yourself short! There are plenty of sexy older andro women - see Jane Lynch, for example. Though ya, Katherine Moennig is terrifyingly gorgeous. I'm happy with "cute."

And I forgive you for killing my winky. Mostly.

I think most people who violate social norms eventually have to explain themselves, or at least wonder what the ->-bleeped-<- they are doing. Other girls are happy with X, why can't I be? I'm lucky I had some pretty tomboy role-models growing up in friends and books and TV, so I don't feel that out of place.

Black converse, tight women's bootcut jeans that show off my ass, and a men's button-up over a cami or a women's tshirt are my standard at the moment. Slowly adding hoodies and jackets as it gets cooler. I'm very quietly androgynous - darker, cooler colours, simple styles. My hair is driving me crazy at the moment though. Haven't been able to get it cut since my facial surgery, and really really need to. Makes me uncomfortable wearing my more girly stuff, as I end up looking wrong. Almost have to wear a men's shirt just to balance.

[Padma]

I think it's Shane's shape I envy most, and it's 20 years too late for me to be that svelte (I'll be 49 next month). I'm curious to see what HRT ends up doing to my contours.

Interesting what you say about role models. I don't think I ever had any gender role models as a child, because I was repressing my genderness very hard. But since my teens, I've been strongly drawn towards wiry dykes - which was frustrating back when I identified as a bi man, since the feeling wasn't ever mutual! But nowadays it makes much more sense - both as people I fancy, and as people I want to look like. But it also makes sense of the person I wanted to be, who is female and neither girly-girl nor über-butch. My shrink (who is old and must be forgiven) wrote to my GP in July, and said I'd described myself as "butch" - I had to make a point of telling her (and reminding him!) that I've never used that word to describe myself. It was just the only framework he had to make sense of me saying "I'm female but I'm not particularly feminine".

[justmeinoz]

I'm starting to consider it as "experiencing a state of gender-sex incongruence."  Regardless of what The System says.

[Padma]

Incongruence is a good word. I want all my mind/body polyhedra to tesselate .

[Gravity Girl]

This is where it gets potentially contentious. I don't see my transsexuality as being something curable, I see it as a disability. It's a disability that I can manage, and that can to some extent be addressed with surgery and pharmaceuticals. A "cure" for me would be waking up one day in an actual female body, having lived my life in it as a female. Since that's out (until I get reborn ), I'm content to be aiming to have a body that much more closely resembles that, and I'll just have to deal with the rest of it as best I can, emotionally. And I'm confident that I can do this.

While you are correct in that to fully cure my incongrunce with my gender and physical sex I would have had to have been female, However I think that rather like someone with HIV and AIDS who after taking retro-antivirals (which merely manages the problem rather than cures is) finds that they now have a life they can live and enjoy, the same goes for having SRS. It's not a cure but it damn well feels like one. I'm not even on the other side yet (5weeks and 5 days to go!) but already i am experiencing a shift in perspective. I would imagine you'll find the same.

[Padma]

For sure, I expect to feel different and better - but I guess for me, it's clear (from other past experiences) that what you spend your life with is a part of you, even when it's passed and past, and I welcome that continuity.

I don't see it as an "either I feel 'cured' or I can't be happy" situation - I'm actually pretty happy right now, I just want some changes and I'm making them, and will be happier when they're done. I feel some sorrow for never having the chance to be whole in the way I would be if I'd been born and lived a life with all my muscles, and a vagina, but I'm happy with how life has worked out. As a friend says: at the end of the day... we've made it to the end of the day .

[mimpi]

What is it with psychiatrists and their subjective judgements on gender and gender expression? One would hope that in 2011 things would have moved on but they appear to be still stuck on their old postions. This of course doesn't apply just to gender issues but their entire field. having worked in mental health and having a close friend who continues to do so they never fail to astound me with what they come out with. Would be interesting to examine statistics regarding their sanity.