The Emotional Impact of HRT

[SandraJane]

I, too, am an avid cyclist and I care a great deal that you were nearly killed. Although, I didn't take my bike today. I walked to work and took the bus for some errands afterwards.

Last week, there was a day where I was just so hot and tired, I was very upset and nearly in tears from the sheer heat. I can't remember ever being close to tears just because of the heat.

Good thing I don't live in Texas.

Well some of us do! It depends on which part you live in, humidity is worse than heat! Glad U R ok VM, its probably the trauma of the incident, the hormones made the emotions easier.

Hugs,
SJ

[mimpi]

Sorry to hear about you nearly getting run over, VM. Scary stuff and I'm not surprised it had that effect on you. Tekla has a point in that it's important to always be assertive on two wheels especially so when in big cities. Don't overdo it though as they may well react violently, I've been chased just for giving the finger. He didn't catch me though, just doubled back down the pavement!

Been crying myself all afternoon watching videos on YouTube of the failed 'Italian Spring' of many years ago, fills me with sadness remembering the hopes and loves we had back then.

[V M]

Thank you all for your kind words    Feeling better today although a bit stiff and sore... I think I strained a few things from tensing up

You bet I'll be back out there riding the next time I have to go to the store    A friend gave me a ride today and I notice there is one of those things that post your speed on a lit sign put out near the intersection so I think someone must have reported what happened... I'm hoping the city will put one of those flashing crossing lights like they have at a few other intersections

Well let's move forward    How many of you have noticed an uptick in your emotional status? Are you happier? Angrier? cry more/less than usual?

what kind of experiences can you share?

[Constance]

How many of you have noticed an uptick in your emotional status? Are you happier? Angrier? cry more/less than usual?

what kind of experiences can you share?

I can honestly say there are times when I haven't felt this consistently happy since before puberty.

I'm also finding that I don't get furious the way I used to. Now, I'm more likely to be close to tears or actually start crying when I get angry. And yes, I'm crying much more than I used to. I've probably cried more since June than I have in the previous ten years combined.

[Keaira]

Turns out I'm not immune to uncontrolled bursts of tears either. my friend picked me up for work today and she was listening to this song by a band called Jamestown Story and it was about suicide. And it was like someone had suddenly turned my life from going fine to sucks in 0.1 seconds. She had to change the song and was asking me to please not cry, and here I am saying "I'm trying not to!" Thing is, She had just lost her younger brother to suicide. And that was one of his favorite songs. And she's there calm as can be and I'm the blubbering mess. On top of that, what happens when you hear a song and you dont hear the ending? It's been stuck in my head all night!!

[MeghanAndrews]

The main differences I noticed pre vs. post-transition, being on HRT, etc. were not being able to control emotions once they were felt. They move from the head to the heart to expression and there's not really much of a filter. Pre-transition thoughts could control emotion, stress, feelings, etc. fairly well. I was emoTIVE but not overly emotIONAL. I could make myself not cry if I needed to. The other thing is stress. Pre-transition I had a super stressful job. I'm in a busy health Clinic now, post-transition, and probably in just as stressful of an environment. When I was stressed before, I could scoff at things or get angry, sarcastic, walk around the building, etc. One thing I NEVER EVER did at work pre-transition was CRY. There's no crying in the workplace!

I was mortified the first time I cried at work. I was thinking "oh no, this isn't going to work!" but now, I dunno, I know it's going to happen if it's going to happen. Today this patient I saw was raped and she was getting hiv tested. How do you NOT share in her sorrow and loss? How do you not cry with her, you know? So I think that's a big difference.

If you are going to emote, you are going to emote, on E and low T. It just seems like that's the way it is. I dunno, it doesn't bother me, it just is. It feels like me. I'm not holding anything back anymore.

[Stephanie.Izann]

I agree with Megan. My child had been in the ICU for over 90 days. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. To this day we do not know what she has. I found it very very hard to hold back the tears and even got to the point that everytime the Docs would walk in, I was in tears. It's very weird for me since I never cried before HRT. Now, it's just how I deal I guess. It can also be somewhat liberating to me just to let go.

[Randi]

Virginia,

I've been in and out of Susan's this past week but somehow missed your thread. I am so glad you weren't hurt-or killed! Bad things happen quickly and people in general just don't care about others anymore as evidenced by the behavior of the truck driver who almost hit you. Please be careful there are people here who would definitely miss you-myself included.

As for being more emotional-Oh Yeah I'm with you on this one! I cry at movies, sad things I see on the news-especially bad things that happen to children. I can't stand it when children suffer so I cry. Crying makes me feel better in a way that is difficult for me to explain. It's like I release the negative emotional response and afterwards balance is established once again. Not sure if that makes much sense but it sorta feels that way. My family is now used to seeing it-I have noticed my dad and my son just shaking their heads in disbelief but my mom understands.

I too would miss you if something bad happened and you didn't come back.

Brandi

[Jennie]

I agree, since starting HRT I have felt more emotional, mostly I feel like crying in sad situations or even happy ones, but I have noticed it is easy to cry when I watch movies.  I like it.

I too am happy that you missed the truck and you are doing fine now, I see some cyclists on the roads here in Hawaii and some of them seem like they want to get hit, I mean there is a big wide paved shoulder for them to ride on but some of them like to see how close to the line they can get or even riding on the line, I don't mind too much if I was not driving a big truck (Ford F-600)  I just go slow and move on to the side away from them.
Stay safe and aloha.

Jennie

[Lynn]

Being able to properly cry is one of the things I look most forward to in my transition. I think I've cried about 5 times in the past 10 years, if even that much ... but I have FELT like crying so many more times than that. I get emotional at pretty much everything (especially movies and music).

When the day comes that I will be able to just cry my heart out, without that conditioned mental barrier that "men don't cry!" stopping me from doing so, I will feel truly free.

[Catherine Sarah]

Lillium, Just let them come. Just let them come!! Don't worry about anyone else; just let them come. Any time, any where. Don't even worry if you run out of tears ....... just keep crying. You've embarked on a journey, whose hallmark is laughter and tears; and genuine good friends that are impossible to find anywhere else.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[Alainaluvsu]

Well I'm glad you're okay!!

I have a couple experiences. My emotions are much more troublesome to keep on a leash than they were pre hrt... I can go from happy to bitchy without even thinking about it. But an almost cry moment happened today at school

I'm going to school for cosmetology and the teacher kept having to help me cut layers. I got into this mood like "OMG I wish I didn't hold up the whole class. I feel awful and stupid"... and it took alot to keep from crying in front of everybody. I'm glad I didn't cry because I think it would've seemed obnoxious as I would've been the only one to get sad or anything. But when I got to my car I did cry a lil.

It seems my highs and lows are definitely further apart now. Because earlier I was so excited about going to school that I could've broken out in dance, lol!