The before and after thread.

[Colleen Ireland]

Thanks, Miranda!  And don't worry, for me there's no such thing as TMI, I **provide** TMI, lol.

As for dilation, I have to say I never found it difficult or painful.  For one thing, when they take the stent out, it's a LOT bigger and wider than the puny little dilators you start with, and the vagina is not all that quick to tighten up.  At least in my case.  Number 1 and 2 were never a problem.  I had some trepidations when I moved up to #3, but seriously, no issue.  Even #4 was no problem.  Now I use #2, #3 and #4, and #2 is the only one that's slightly uncomfortable at first (a little pain, nothing really).  The important thing is to FOLLOW their instructions EXACTLY.  One issue I had in the first few weeks was a constant foul discharge.  It was so constant, it kept the perineum from healing properly.  I was eventually put on Flagyl, and the problem finally went away, and everything healed up nicely.

Okay, now for aesthetics...  I will say that up until recently, I was somewhat self-conscious about it.  I didn't feel it looked entirely natural, because it seems like I have no inner labia, and I have not yet been able to locate my clit.  Well, I recently participated in a cool little project where hundreds of women of all types and sizes posted pictures of their pussies, and lo and behold, there were LOTS of cis-pussies that didn't look all that different from mine!  Wow, was I ever happy and relieved!  My boyfriend also reports that it seems very natural to him, even in terms of aroma and flavor.  And as for function, it is self-lubricating, and I have sensation inside, and I can tighten it with my muscles (I confirmed this for myself the other night, when I had a finger in). 



The only thing is... no orgasm yet.  Soon, I'm sure... 

[Miranda Catherine]

Thanks, Miranda!  And don't worry, for me there's no such thing as TMI, I **provide** TMI, lol.

As for dilation, I have to say I never found it difficult or painful.  For one thing, when they take the stent out, it's a LOT bigger and wider than the puny little dilators you start with, and the vagina is not all that quick to tighten up.  At least in my case.  Number 1 and 2 were never a problem.  I had some trepidations when I moved up to #3, but seriously, no issue.  Even #4 was no problem.  Now I use #2, #3 and #4, and #2 is the only one that's slightly uncomfortable at first (a little pain, nothing really).  The important thing is to FOLLOW their instructions EXACTLY.  One issue I had in the first few weeks was a constant foul discharge.  It was so constant, it kept the perineum from healing properly.  I was eventually put on Flagyl, and the problem finally went away, and everything healed up nicely.

Okay, now for aesthetics...  I will say that up until recently, I was somewhat self-conscious about it.  I didn't feel it looked entirely natural, because it seems like I have no inner labia, and I have not yet been able to locate my clit.  Well, I recently participated in a cool little project where hundreds of women of all types and sizes posted pictures of their pussies, and lo and behold, there were LOTS of cis-pussies that didn't look all that different from mine!  Wow, was I ever happy and relieved!  My boyfriend also reports that it seems very natural to him, even in terms of aroma and flavor.  And as for function, it is self-lubricating, and I have sensation inside, and I can tighten it with my muscles (I confirmed this for myself the other night, when I had a finger in). 



The only thing is... no orgasm yet.  Soon, I'm sure... 

Thank you, Colleen! Your candid honesty is exactly what I was hoping for. I've read that lots of post SRS women kind of awaken the clitoris with vibrators and masturbation. I've also read that most post SRS transwomen eventually end up having orgasms just like cis-women, including multiples, even without toys. I'm in a relationship with a very good man, and he wants me to have the surgery, not that his opinion would change my needs or desires if he wanted me to stay the way I am. I want (and need) it so much regardless of anyone else's opinion, but since my mom is very prim and proper and knows we make love, I'm also sure that with the body I'm in now she wants me to have the 'proper' plumbing. Hence, the idea of giving me the money for the surgery. She's 85 and I don't think she and my dad ever french kissed, let alone any of the other wonderful erotic things men and women can do for ever closer feelings toward each other and just plain fun. I'm still dumbfounded my brother and I were ever conceived!!! They were married for 42 years though, and it seems they were really happy. I was the biggest disappointment in either of their lives, especially hers, till the first day I went full time.                                                                                                                                                   

[Shantel]

  I don't think she and my dad ever french kissed, let alone any of the other wonderful erotic things men and women can do for ever closer feelings toward each other and just plain fun. I'm still dumbfounded my brother and I were ever conceived!!! They were married for 42 years though, and it seems they were really happy.                                                                                                 

That's kind of funny Miranda, my eldest son now in his mid forties told me and my wife that he had a hard time wrapping his head around the idea that we had ever engaged in any kind of sexual behavior. I had to pop his bubble and inform him that he wasn't brought by the stork after all. My wife and I had to chuckle over that because we're going through some late life thrills and gymnastics catching up on all the lost time during which we never had any privacy while raising kids. I know for certain we enjoy more sexual intimacy than he and his spouse do right now because history repeats itself in each generation and they are where we had been at their age.

[MaidofOrleans]

*Repost from my other thread*

My face has definitely changed. I looked back an old photo of me and compared.

This is me about 9 months ago right before coming out

This is me 5 seconds ago 



ah the miracles of hormones

[Colleen Ireland]

You lucky, lucky girl, getting to transition so young, and be so gorgeous!  You will have a great life.

[Miranda Catherine]

4156now
Since this is the before and after thread, I decided to share something I wrote several years ago. I'm a singer/songwriter (like everyone else in Southern California!) and wrote this song in 2007. I've had several very real opportunities to 'make it' in music, once in a band and three times as a staff songwriter, but blew every single one, either consciously or subconsciously, all because I'm transsexual. This song is about being a transwoman and feeling at the time that I'd waited too long and that my window of opportunity had long since passed. Believe it or not, I was sometimes a pretty good looking woman until 2000, when I had a knee replacement that went horribly wrong and I almost died from blood clots in my lungs, then almost lost my leg when I got MRSA in the filthy hospital the butchers disfigured me in. Within eight months or less I went from 155 to 248. I was stuck at 226 for years until I finally transitioned. That's also when I stopped drinking and started dieting for real, since I can't really do much because of my back and knee. I'm at 162 right now and will get to 147-150 before Summer. I think it really is a good song, (why wouldn't I, I wrote it, lol!) so please listen and tell me what you think. It was definitely a 'before' song. I'm singing it in a male tenor voice, as I was in typical male impersonator mode. I hope you like it. Here's the link:

"REFUGEE"

I am just a refugee
adrift in a wooden boat
yes, I am just a refugee
on a blazing sea I float

I am just a refugee
adrift and bailing fire
yes, I am just a refugee
condemned as a thief and liar

a stillborn soul in a uterine tomb
my spirit burned while still in her womb
and it was lonely

my stupid prayers depend upon
a skiff in a sea of flame
with sails and rudder in ashes
I'm sinking and I'm to blame

I am just a refugee
lost in a flaming swell
yes I am just a refugee
in the firestorm of Hell

I am just a refugee
in fire breathing gales
yes I am just a refugee
without an oar or sails

a stillborn soul in a uterine tomb
my spirit burned while still in her womb
and it is lonely
yeah, a stillborn soul in a uterine tomb
my spirit burned while still in her womb
and it is lonely
               
MIRANDA E. THOMSON
©2007

P.S. I'm on guitars, bass, vocals and harmony, other than the "I am" which is my late close friend and sometime songwriting partner Todd Tabor, one of the best guitarists and people I've ever known, who died in my arms on February 3rd, 2011. It was probably the worst single experience of my life. I never told him who I really am, but I like to think we'd still be close friends. He left a wife and two young sons. I loved him like a younger brother and still miss him a lot.

[TerriT]

Damn Girl! You're a babe!

Is there anything I can call you? MO? Orleans? Maid??? I don't mean to sound rude:/

[Miranda Catherine]

*Repost from my other thread*

My face has definitely changed. I looked back an old photo of me and compared.

This is me about 9 months ago right before coming out



This is me 5 seconds ago 



ah the miracles of hormones

You are such a cutie! And the changes you've gone through are huge. You should be proud. And I love your avatar. Your smart aleck look in it is perfect!

[MaidofOrleans]

You lucky, lucky girl, getting to transition so young, and be so gorgeous!  You will have a great life.

Thanks, I'm glad I came to my senses while I was still young and single

Hopefully you are right!

Damn Girl! You're a babe!

Is there anything I can call you? MO? Orleans? Maid??? I don't mean to sound rude:/

Whatever you want doesn't matter to me. lol

You are such a cutie! And the changes you've gone through are huge. You should be proud. And I love your avatar. Your smart aleck look in it is perfect!

Thanks! I am a bit of a smart ass 

[Carrie Liz]

*Repost from my other thread*

My face has definitely changed. I looked back an old photo of me and compared.


This is me about 9 months ago right before coming out


This is me 5 seconds ago 


ah the miracles of hormones

Wow, is that really after only 5 months of hormones? *squee!* I can't wait! Those are absolute AMAZING changes for such a short time.

Since this is the before and after thread, I decided to share something I wrote several years ago. I'm a singer/songwriter (like everyone else in Southern California!) and wrote this song in 2007. I've had several very real opportunities to 'make it' in music, once in a band and three times as a staff songwriter, but blew every single one, either consciously or subconsciously, all because I'm transsexual. This song is about being a transwoman and feeling at the time that I'd waited too long and that my window of opportunity had long since passed. Believe it or not, I was sometimes a pretty good looking woman until 2000, when I had a knee replacement that went horribly wrong and I almost died from blood clots in my lungs, then almost lost my leg when I got MRSA in the filthy hospital the butchers disfigured me in. Within eight months or less I went from 155 to 248. I was stuck at 226 for years until I finally transitioned. That's also when I stopped drinking and started dieting for real, since I can't really do much because of my back and knee. I'm at 162 right now and will get to 147-150 before Summer. I think it really is a good song, (why wouldn't I, I wrote it, lol!) so please listen and tell me what you think. It was definitely a 'before' song. I'm singing it in a male tenor voice, as I was in typical male impersonator mode. I hope you like it. Here's the link:

"REFUGEE"

I am just a refugee
adrift in a wooden boat
yes, I am just a refugee
on a blazing sea I float

I am just a refugee
adrift and bailing fire
yes, I am just a refugee
condemned as a thief and liar

a stillborn soul in a uterine tomb
my spirit burned while still in her womb
and it was lonely

my stupid prayers depend upon
a skiff in a sea of flame
with sails and rudder in ashes
I'm sinking and I'm to blame

I am just a refugee
lost in a flaming swell
yes I am just a refugee
in the firestorm of Hell

I am just a refugee
in fire breathing gales
yes I am just a refugee
without an oar or sails

a stillborn soul in a uterine tomb
my spirit burned while still in her womb
and it is lonely
yeah, a stillborn soul in a uterine tomb
my spirit burned while still in her womb
and it is lonely
               
RANDY W. THOMSON
©2007

P.S. I'm on guitars, bass, vocals and harmony, other than the "I am" which is my late close friend and sometime songwriting partner Todd Tabor, one of the best guitarists and people I've ever known, who died in my arms on February 3rd, 2011. It was probably the worst single experience of my life. I never told him who I really am, but I like to think we'd still be close friends. He left a wife and two young sons. I loved him like a younger brother and still miss him a lot.

Wow... you really do look like one of those wild southern-Cal rockers in the "pre" pictures. And might I say, WOW, what a transformation! I love your hair in all of the pictures, and you're looking fabulous! And I loved the song! Keep up the great work! I really loved some of the other songs that were on that same Youtube page also... are those your songs too?

[Jay-Bird]

*Repost from my other thread*

My face has definitely changed. I looked back an old photo of me and compared.

This is me about 9 months ago right before coming out



This is me 5 seconds ago 



ah the miracles of hormones

Check out the perfect skin and awesome cheekbones!
nice one 

[Miranda Catherine]

"Wow... you really do look like one of those wild southern-Cal rockers in the "pre" pictures. And might I say, WOW, what a transformation! I love your hair in all of the pictures, and you're looking fabulous! And I loved the song! Keep up the great work! I really loved some of the other songs that were on that same Youtube page also... are those your songs too?" Cheetaking

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Carrie. I was 41 in the first photo, 56 in the second and the last one was taken last week at 58. And yes, anything with "christojihad2" on it is one of my songs. There are 27 uploaded on youtube I wrote and performed. All of the ones where I was playing live where you can see me playing I was almost certainly drunk and weighed between 225-230. I keep talking about my former weight because I was always thin and wirey like the first photo until my knee replacement and getting the MRSA staph infection in March 2000. It was such a virulent infection they nearly amputated my leg because of it. I went through four more terrible surgeries where they had to physically dig the infection out of my knee and I was in the hospital for 25 more days. My depression over it and the fact that it never healed right was complicated by unbelievable pain and my inability to play sports anymore, my only defense against my transsexuality. I'd always thought I'd eventually transition, but after the surgeries and weight gain I thought it was too late at 45 to transition caused me to attempt suicide three different times, the last one on July 12th, 2011. God, how wrong I was! 45 is young, and so is 58 in a way. I'm finally, finally becoming who I've always been inside. Carrie, please listen to any of my songs on youtube if you like "Refugee". Listen to "The Devil Rides (in a limousine)", "Ice Cream Headache", "If You Really Love Me", "For My Sin", "It's Endless", "Don't Let It (get you down)", "Politicians", "Man Against Man" and "Food Riot". I'm not necessarily unhappy with any of the other songs I have on youtube, but seven or eight are just me singing and on acoustic guitar, no bass, drums, harmonies, lead guitar, harmonies or anything. I was writing a lot of music at the time and was often writing so much I put them on tape just so I wouldn't forget them. I was living a total lie and I knew it, so I wrote some of my songs in stealth, and never didn't know who I am, ever. Anyway, Carrie, thank you for your wonderful compliments on my new looks and "Refugee." Hugs, Mira

[Carrie Liz]

Carrie, please listen to any of my songs on youtube if you like "Refugee". Listen to "The Devil Rides (in a limousine)", "Ice Cream Headache", "If You Really Love Me", "For My Sin", "It's Endless", "Don't Let It (get you down)", "Politicians", "Man Against Man" and "Food Riot". I'm not necessarily unhappy with any of the other songs I have on youtube, but seven or eight are just me singing and on acoustic guitar, no bass, drums, harmonies, lead guitar, harmonies or anything. I was writing a lot of music at the time and was often writing so much I put them on tape just so I wouldn't forget them. I was living a total lie and I knew it, so I wrote some of my songs in stealth, and never didn't know who I am, ever. Anyway, Carrie, thank you for your wonderful compliments on my new looks and "Refugee." Hugs, Mira

I love acoustic guitar songs, though. Singer-songwriter is like my favorite genre, because the emotion is so raw and pure in the combination of the voice and simple guitar chords. I love those songs because you can really hear the passion and the emotion in the lyrics and the choices of chords that you use. I was especially thinking of "Give Me Salvation" and "One-Eighty" when I was mentioning the other songs on the channel that I liked. Because again, I could REALLY feel the passion and the emotion that went into them, and they both really had something important to say. Yes, they're rough and kind of in a raw, natural, unrefined state, but I still really like the songwriting. I really feel what you're singing.

[Jennygirl]

*Repost from my other thread*

My face has definitely changed. I looked back an old photo of me and compared.

This is me about 9 months ago right before coming out

This is me 5 seconds ago 

ah the miracles of hormones

The difference in your face is incredible. It is inspiring.

I noticed that your nasolabial folds have almost completely disappeared. Do you think it's from the hormones or have you discovered a way to reduce the appearance with makeup? I hope mine disappear!

Probably doesn't help me with all the smiling I do these days.. Maybe I should try to give it a rest... Nahhhhh Ooh and just noticed, 3 month anniversary on hormones... Here comes more smiling! Nooo!! My smile lines... I can feel them getting deeper!!! j/k

[MaidofOrleans]

The difference in your face is incredible. It is inspiring.

I noticed that your nasolabial folds have almost completely disappeared. Do you think it's from the hormones or have you discovered a way to reduce the appearance with makeup? I hope mine disappear!

Probably doesn't help me with all the smiling I do these days.. Maybe I should try to give it a rest... Nahhhhh Ooh and just noticed, 3 month anniversary on hormones... Here comes more smiling! Nooo!! My smile lines... I can feel them getting deeper!!! j/k

Gratz on three months!

It must be from the hormones because I'm not wearing any makeup in that picture.

[Jennygirl]

Wooooow

Your skin is absolutely aglow. Infreakingcredible.

[Shantel]

P.S. I'm on guitars, bass, vocals and harmony, other than the "I am" which is my late close friend and sometime songwriting partner Todd Tabor, one of the best guitarists and people I've ever known, who died in my arms on February 3rd, 2011. It was probably the worst single experience of my life. I never told him who I really am, but I like to think we'd still be close friends. He left a wife and two young sons. I loved him like a younger brother and still miss him a lot.

Miranda,
        I needn't repeat all of your story and photos again, but I do so admire you for what you have been through and survived so beautifully, you have a sweet spirit and great heart. Consider me a member of your fan club lady!

[MaidofOrleans]

Wooooow

Your skin is absolutely aglow. Infreakingcredible.

Well I had super bad acne my first few months on HRT, especially on my back and shoulder area. It definitely cleared up a lot now but still flares up from time to time. HRT has made it really glowy and soft though and I've also been taking Biotin 5000mg every day. Don't know if that's been helping too.

[Keaira]

Well I had super bad acne my first few months on HRT, especially on my back and shoulder area. It definitely cleared up a lot now but still flares up from time to time. HRT has made it really glowy and soft though and I've also been taking Biotin 5000mg every day. Don't know if that's been helping too.

Really? I had super bad acne from my first puberty up until I started HRT. Then it all went away.

[Miranda Catherine]

I love acoustic guitar songs, though. Singer-songwriter is like my favorite genre, because the emotion is so raw and pure in the combination of the voice and simple guitar chords. I love those songs because you can really hear the passion and the emotion in the lyrics and the choices of chords that you use. I was especially thinking of "Give Me Salvation" and "One-Eighty" when I was mentioning the other songs on the channel that I liked. Because again, I could REALLY feel the passion and the emotion that went into them, and they both really had something important to say. Yes, they're rough and kind of in a raw, natural, unrefined state, but I still really like the songwriting. I really feel what you're singing.

Thanks again, Carrie. I'm really glad you like the acoustic songs. I've since thought about my reluctance in recommending or even showing the acoustic songs, and it all comes down to everybody seeing me as I was before transitioning. I looked awful and that was only a peek into how I felt mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I loathed myself and seriously considered killing myself every single day, unless I was writing words or music. They're the only positive things I have to show that I've ever been on this planet. Truthfully, I can't even watch them and felt that way even when I put them on youtube. I think the songs are really good, but I'm not a good guitar player. I love great acoustic based songs too, and really wish I could play like that, but I'm very lefthanded, and unfortunately, learned to play right handed guitar and it's made a big difference in my playing. If you wanna hear a really heavy song that's just me on acoustic, listen to "Because I Am (a killer)". It's about getting a high school girl pregnant when I was in college, then a girl I lived with pregnant twice and though I never say it in the song, she refused to have either child because she knew I'd eventually transition and didn't feel she could count on me to be there for her or the kids. She was right. Enough of my soap opera! I do think though, that the lyrics to "One Eighty" are one of the two or three best lyrics I've ever written. I really appreciate the compliments, Carrie! Hugs, Mira

Miranda,
        I needn't repeat all of your story and photos again, but I do so admire you for what you have been through and survived so beautifully, you have a sweet spirit and great heart. Consider me a member of your fan club lady!

Thank you sooo much Shantel, I've vowed to not just survive anymore, I wanted to actually enjoy life and cherish it, and now I do! I say it too much, but I love being a woman, especially because I never thought before I transitioned that I'd ever be at peace no matter what I did. Someone on these threads says it doesn't take courage to transition, it just comes to the point that you can't live another day as a male (impersonator), or something like that. That's where I was the day I took my first progynon shot. I was simply hoping against hopelessness that I'd be able to breathe without dreading the next breath and stop living the lifetime lie I'd been burdened with and constantly saddled myself with even more pain than necessary. I watched a few seconds of one of my acoustic songs on youtube a few months ago and was astonished by what I saw. That person is long gone, and although I recognize the voice and melody lines, the person in the video just made me sad, so I turned it off. But if anyone wants to hear any of my songs, they're in two playlists, one with 11 songs and the other with 14. The two tell a story about one person's life, then what happens to America and the world. It's pretty wild stuff and part 2 is apocalyptic.

Jedem Das Seine, 11 songs.   

Fading Light, 14 songs.   

God bless all of us, we deserve it! Hugs, Mira