What is with this roller coaster of emotions?????

[Chrissy1]

I don't get this. One day I am all happy thinking I am starting to get all this figured out, but today has been such an up and down day. Spent half my day crying the other half convinced that I had made a mistake. Is this normal? Do any of you go through this? I am not suicidal or anything but it sucks to go through this.

                 Chrissy

[Randi]

Unfortunately most of us here have times or have had times when we struggle with where we are and what to do next. It can at times seem very much like a roller coaster ride of emotions and reactions. Try not to make any important decisions when you are struggling with something and hopefully you will not have to go down the same stretch of road more than once. I hope you feel better soon.

Brandi

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Chrissy,
Welcome to the wonderful world of transition. I'm assuming you are on some sort of HRT regime. This is often caused by elevated estrogen levels in your body.
It's good to be aware of how and when these feelings come on, so as you can manage them as best as possible. This is one very good reason you need to surround yourself with understanding friends who can help you ride out these ups and downs. Let us know how you are coping and stay in touch.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[Chrissy1]

Hi Chrissy,
Welcome to the wonderful world of transition. I'm assuming you are on some sort of HRT regime. This is often caused by elevated estrogen levels in your body.
It's good to be aware of how and when these feelings come on, so as you can manage them as best as possible. This is one very good reason you need to surround yourself with understanding friends who can help you ride out these ups and downs. Let us know how you are coping and stay in touch.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

no that's just it I am not  on any hrt yet! my therapist wants me to work through some of this before she gives the ok to goto the next level, what ever that is

[~RoadToTrista~]

It doesn't have to be from HRT Chrissy, I get the same thing. It's so scary for me to go through this because I know It will cause family drama and I know it will limit my fertility. But I wanna go through with it, cause frankly my life is pathetic and unhappy.

[Chrissy1]

Chrissy

Before I answer, can you tell me whether you are any other medication (like anti-depressants or something)?

Debbie 

   No not on any medications at all. The therapist didn't see the need for them anymore. I was up til  7 months ago but like I said she didn't see a need for them so she stopped them.

[Cindy]

I think it is pretty normal, or sorry, it was pretty normal for me. My emotions and screaming to the wall started to get under control when HRT kicked in. I was on anti-depressants but the dosage has also been decreasing. I'm suggesting it might be part of the whole; I'm unhappy, says the brain, and what the brain says she gets.

Once the brain gets the hormones it has been missing, she settles down.

No proof. No science. Just a thought.

Cindy

[Chrissy1]

  First thank you. It is so nice to know this is normal activity. In the short time I have been here I gave found everyone to be so nice and very helpful and supportive. I was really starting to worry I needed to be back on my anti depressant I don't like what they did to me.


  I also would like your input on one more thing. I can't help but think that part of this could be because I am married and have a 5yr old. While my SO is very supportive I know that I feel very guilty.
   

      Chrissy

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Chrissy,
Good to hear you have been able to work through some of this and are a bit more settled. You said, "I can't help but think that part of this could be because I am married and have a 5yr old." There may be a slight element of truth in this; however I see it more an effect, than the cause. Don't get me wrong; it still remains a significant issue. Fortunately enough your SO is with you on the matter and your 5 YO will adapt to having 2 "Mum's' much easier that at a later age.

Brain sex (the cause) is a complicated issue, particularly when it remains dormant for some time, and then decides NOW, is a good time, to make my true self be known. Changing hormone levels in the body, either naturally or artificially may change the way you think. This sometimes clouds your cause and effect preception.

Try and work on the guilt factor. This is a very often misplaced emotion that robs you of your correct perspective. What you are experiencing and have experienced over the years; - is not your fault - . Its the result of a complex mix of genetics, hormones, chromosomes and environmental factors. It's something GIVEN to you, you haven't CREATED it. Hope this helps in some way. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[Chrissy1]

Chrissy

May I be so bold as to ask what AD's you were on and what strength. Also, what did you not like about what they were doing to you?

Debbie 

  I don't mind the question but I quite honestly don't remember what meds or dosages I was on I have been on so many different ones in the last 20 years. The reaction to them was either they made me hear voices in my head, made me feel worse, or made me suicidal. None of them made me feel "better", well at least to me they didn't everyone else said I was better, but I didn't feel better.

  Sorry it is not the answer you are looking for but I honestly don't remember and at the end I just didn't care anymore. That was why I was so excited with the new therapist when she said she didn't want me on them anymore to see what happens. At one point one of my old therapist was convinced I was bipolar so I was even on bipolar med for a while

             Chrissy

[Chrissy1]

Brain sex (the cause) is a complicated issue, particularly when it remains dormant for some time, and then decides NOW, is a good time, to make my true self be known. Changing hormone levels in the body, either naturally or artificially may change the way you think. This sometimes clouds your cause and effect preception.

Try and work on the guilt factor. This is a very often misplaced emotion that robs you of your correct perspective. What you are experiencing and have experienced over the years; - is not your fault - . Its the result of a complex mix of genetics, hormones, chromosomes and environmental factors. It's something GIVEN to you, you haven't CREATED it. Hope this helps in some way. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

    could hormone changes be what is causing this? even though not on hrt yet?

I am working on the guilt part. For the most part I have it under control. It just causes some grief now and then.

   Chrissy

[Dominatrix ♥]

Hello dear friend
Yes its hard some days I feel like I have NO reason to live and some days I feel like my life is the best
its all normal not only ''transsexuals'' all human do have random feelings I supposed your going trough a bad time
but that's just fine. we all are in a part of our life hey look at me haven't transition and can't wait but I think omg
its too much pressure to much work no no but some days I'm like yes yes yes yes yes yesssss!!
I know at the end I will transition because I'm a women and I would be much happier
anyways don't worry to much just drink a cup of tea with a friend and talk about life and its beauty.

Nikki 

[Cindy]

Ok Chrissy no probs. I just thought I could chip in with my little knowledge of what effect Citalopram had, and has, on me.  It is actually good.  That's why I am confused that you had such a bad time n ADs.  I need to think some more on any further thoughts about this for you, but not at this time of the night (12).

Debbie 

I was on the same AD and had no side effects.

[Chrissy1]

Some of them didn't have side effects they just didn't do anything for me. I am a firm believer in that if the Med isn't doing anything for me there us no point in taking it!


   For the most part now I can manage to keep everything under control, but once in a while everything will just get real overwhelming and it will all start to feel uncontrollable. I have been "out" about this for about 6 months now and just find some days extremely harder then others.

  One of the things I have to constantly work on is I am a very "black and white" person. There is no grey area, which we all know there is. Learning to pace myself is another. Her I thought I was all done learning things when I graduated high school.......LOL


    I am very much enjoying this journey no matter where it leads and am very greatful to be surrounded by such great friends to offer advice and guidance when I need it. The ocassional smack in the back of the head works wonders also...LOL


    THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH

               Chrissy

[kryst4h]

I get that too all the time, i know what i want, but when i let certain factors of transition dig at me too hard, like passability and money for surgeries, i sometimes think im making a big mistake because of those reasons and get very depressed.

[Cindy]

Chrissy & Debbie,
I had exactly the same response, after being on 30mg a day for a year I started to cut back by 5 mg drops a month. Was feeling fine I got to 15 mgs a day and the clouds dropped in like crazy. I'm on 25 mgs and feeling fine. They work for me and I'm more than happy they do because life before and after is SO different.

Cindy

[Catherine Sarah]

    could hormone changes be what is causing this? even though not on hrt yet?

I am working on the guilt part. For the most part I have it under control. It just causes some grief now and then.

Hi Chrissy,
Not really knowing whats's in the AD meds you've been on I can only generalise and say that the meds have changed the chemical/hormonal balance in your system that may be producing these changes  to your gender thinking/attitude.
Great to hear you have the guilt under control. There should be no place for that type of negative stuff.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine