Post Op = Not Special?

[Icephoenyx]

Hi all,

I've been thinking, some guys tend to be attracted to me because I am pre-op trans, and in some ways that's great, but I do plan to have SRS in a few months and feel that I will just 'be like everyone else' after that.

Now, I know the right one won't care either way, but I like to keep my options open and dating is stressful enough for anyone. Being post op will probably widen my dating pool but I will sort of miss that part of me that makes me different or 'special'. It's kind of a blessing and a curse.

When I'm post op, if I really don't want to, I don't have to tell a guy I'm seeing about me, but for now I feel like I have no choice and am always honest, sometimes with bad results.

Has anyone else felt this way?

Chrissi

[~RoadToTrista~]

Haha, well that thing's been there your whole life. You can't really expected to just surgically modify it 1 day after 30 years and not have an emotional impact.

[Caldwell]

If you are desperate enough to miss being a fetish object then you won't have any problems getting laid post-op.

[Padma]

I think that's a bit harsh. Anyone gets familiar with being a certain way, and a change of state can bring its own insecurity.

[RhinoP]

Honestly, I don't think it's a bad thing at all that you're considering your dating range; many people are indeed attracted to people who have penises but look or seem like women. A lot of people. But your choice from here probably really depends most on the pattern of the partners you date. Do you find that the people who enjoy your contradicting parts tend to be the 'right' people for you? Do you usually like these mens' personalities, looks, and lifestyles, or do these men tend to be different from what you prefer as a woman? Have you had more bad experiences when telling men the nature of your parts, or have more people appreciated it than not?

I would say that the common pattern among the folks who are attracted to you is probably that they are gay men who are searching for womanly aspects in a partner's personality and facial qualities; if you feel that any of these men are "too gay" for you (as in usually too female acting themselves, or "not straight acting enough"), it may be time for you to undergo SRS altogether and fully transition into a woman. There really is usually a big difference in personality between the men who like penis and the men who like vagina, it's no stereotype based on my experience. If you plan on being in stealth mode, I would say SRS could open many, many doors in the confidence and dating department.

For me personally, I think my first step is to get where you're at; female in appearance so that I can simply socialize and date a bit more. Quite frankly, if I at least look like a woman and act like a woman, (and I have no shame in saying this:) then it truly can open doors for me concerning how I enjoy giving oral sex. I could truly have many quick-sex partners just by giving oral sex, no showing of my true genitalia required. But a womanly face and pressence is a must for the very straight-acting guys I'm attracted to, and want to have quick dates, quick social experiences, or quick sexual experiences with. It's not until a very long time after knowing someone or loving someone that I'd let them "do" me anyway, so just in speaking of quick sexual situations, a vagina is much less needed for me.

[JennX]

Hi all,

I've been thinking, some guys tend to be attracted to me because I am pre-op trans, and in some ways that's great, but I do plan to have SRS in a few months and feel that I will just 'be like everyone else' after that.

Now, I know the right one won't care either way, but I like to keep my options open and dating is stressful enough for anyone. Being post op will probably widen my dating pool but I will sort of miss that part of me that makes me different or 'special'. It's kind of a blessing and a curse.

When I'm post op, if I really don't want to, I don't have to tell a guy I'm seeing about me, but for now I feel like I have no choice and am always honest, sometimes with bad results.

Has anyone else felt this way?

Chrissi

First off, a person should love you for you... not what is or what used to be between your legs.

And not for nothing, there is no written in stone rule or law saying you have to disclose anything the first time you meet someone. There's a lot of grey area in this world, and this definitely falls in to it.

[envie]

I think i can't wait to not to be special any longer.
I want to be just another gal out there.

There is already  a lot of special things about me I don't need my genitals to be the specialty.
Besides, the past can't be changed so the specialty in the pants even if non existent any longer will always be dragging behind me.

Where are you having you SRS if I may ask? And good luck with that!

[annette]

I don't have defenitely no regrets of being NOT special for the last 27 years.
In a way we're all special, you're special to the you love and not for having certain anatomy parts.

But, if you want to be special for the ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s.....it's a hell of a lot cheaper for you, I doubt it will make you happy for the long term.

[sonopoly]

I think you can find other ways of being "special", like being a really good person, or an excellent artist, excellent musician, excellent writer, etc.  I'm sure there are some trans people who really enjoy being treated as special, so you have to decide if that's what you want.

I've noticed that most women here don't want that.  They just want to be seen as a woman, and it not being an issue.

Not that you're wrong or bad for wanting to feel special for being trans.  It's all about what you really want.

[Hayzer12]

You are already special. The obstacles you've overcome in life, the achievements you're making to better yourself in your eyes, and the determination you hold to be able to accomplish those things are what ALREADY makes you special

If someone only wants to be with you for the genitalia that you don't want, then do you really want them back?

Try to stay away from those that want to treat you as a fetish, because that isn't love. Love is something that we all should want in life, but not something we necessarily look for. You being special in the aforementioned ways will lead you to someone, and lead them right back to you. Everyone has to go through bad experiences in order to find the right person for us and most of the time it happens when you're not looking.

Work on making YOURSELF happy. Not random strangers that you don't even know based on previous relationships and fetishes. You are a woman. You already told society that you would no longer conform to the body that you were unfortunately dealt, so if your genitalia is not something you personally want, then modify it in the way that makes you feel more like yourself. Screw anyone that doesn't like it. There might be many that likes what you have now, but if you don't then don't worry... there are also MANY.. and I mean MANY that likes what you're going to have. Plus you will be infinitely happy with who you see yourself as. Looking in the mirror, and being happy with who you are is what we all strive for in this world. Isn't that worth all of the men in the world?

You will find the special person that loves you for YOU.

Don't ever think that you are only special because of your genitalia. You have so much more than that, and thinking anything less is severely disappointing the you that works so hard to be happy.

[Emily Ray]

I don't have a lot of experience with men, but my girlfriend lived as a gay man for most of her adult life. I am her first female gendered partner in a long time. She explains the switch is because she was tired of being an object and I made her feel more than just a penis on a girl.

I never wanted to feel like that so I have turned men away. The ones who have aproached me look at me as some kind of taboo and I don't want to be anyones taboo.

Huggs

Em

[Icephoenyx]

Honestly, I don't think it's a bad thing at all that you're considering your dating range; many people are indeed attracted to people who have penises but look or seem like women. A lot of people. But your choice from here probably really depends most on the pattern of the partners you date. Do you find that the people who enjoy your contradicting parts tend to be the 'right' people for you? Do you usually like these mens' personalities, looks, and lifestyles, or do these men tend to be different from what you prefer as a woman? Have you had more bad experiences when telling men the nature of your parts, or have more people appreciated it than not?

I would say that the common pattern among the folks who are attracted to you is probably that they are gay men who are searching for womanly aspects in a partner's personality and facial qualities; if you feel that any of these men are "too gay" for you (as in usually too female acting themselves, or "not straight acting enough"), it may be time for you to undergo SRS altogether and fully transition into a woman. There really is usually a big difference in personality between the men who like penis and the men who like vagina, it's no stereotype based on my experience. If you plan on being in stealth mode, I would say SRS could open many, many doors in the confidence and dating department.

For me personally, I think my first step is to get where you're at; female in appearance so that I can simply socialize and date a bit more. Quite frankly, if I at least look like a woman and act like a woman, (and I have no shame in saying this:) then it truly can open doors for me concerning how I enjoy giving oral sex. I could truly have many quick-sex partners just by giving oral sex, no showing of my true genitalia required. But a womanly face and pressence is a must for the very straight-acting guys I'm attracted to, and want to have quick dates, quick social experiences, or quick sexual experiences with. It's not until a very long time after knowing someone or loving someone that I'd let them "do" me anyway, so just in speaking of quick sexual situations, a vagina is much less needed for me.

Wow, I totally know how you feel. I am into straight acting/looking men, and the more I go into transition, the more confident I get with dealing with men, including sexually. I hardly did anything sexual before I transitioned.

I don't necessarily feel that the men who like me for being pre-op are closet gays but the idea of being with a guy who likes tgirls is kind of hot to me. I think that will still be necessary to make dating easier post op. Hope that makes sense.

[Rabbit]

I been thinking the same things.

I'm not too sure I can compete with "genetic females"...

But, being trans is its own category, and there are some guys who like that. I find it really odd that people still have the idea that anyone who would be attracted to a trans girl is just gay or a some creepy fetish guy. Considering a large portion of society looks at US as just gay or some creepy fetish guy, well, I would really think the "community" would be a little slower to pounce on another harmless group with the same words.

If they are creepy, then they are creepy (just like there are some hella creepy trans people out there). But simply being attracted to my body doesn't mean they are creepy. I am actually very happy there are guys who dig what I am (without needing to get expensive surgery with a lot of possible bad bad complications).

Personally, I don't really care too much about what is between my legs. I don't have a huge issue with my "thing" (sure I wouldn't mind if I woke up without it tomorrow, but ~shrug~). If I would get the surgery, it would ONLY be to fit in better as female (I still find it odd how so many reject one binary... and go straight towards another haha).

Sooo, I'm happy being trans I have some male and female qualities. I don't see this as bad. It just is how it is. Major surgeries to reform my body are still off the table for me at this point...

[Emily Ray]

Creepy is Creepy and I don't think before I transitioned that I understood the word in the same way that I do now. It definetly is a gut level reaction and I get away as quickly as possible. If they aren't creepy then I will stay and flirt and practise my feminine ways.

Huggs

Emily

[JoanneB]

I'll do my best to stand up and speak up for a small segment of the male population. While yes, some guys will only want to date you because you are pre-op. Then there are those that actually want to date you because you are a cool person to be with, for whatever variety of reasons.

After deciding against transition eons ago I dated some transwomen, as a guy. Primarily out of empathy being almost there myself, knowing how difficult of a life laid ahead for them, and knowing how important it is just to be seen and treated just as any other woman. Which is how I was. One universality among almost all was that "thing" was off limits, something I did not need to be told or reminded of, still definitively stated. I wasn't dating them for that.

You are an attractive woman. Pre-op for sure total honesty, at some point in a relationship, is a must. If you are planning on SRS then there are for sure no regrets about the demise of "it". Just the opposite I would think. Yes, right now guys want you because you are "Special". I also think, that at least on some level, you may feel that you are not being true to yourself by taking advantage of the circumstances. Yes, we very much need to feel that we are wanted. For me, it ultimately needs to be for who I am, the person, the total package and not just for a nice bod, a set of boobs or whatever is between my legs. Sure, those are factors in what initially attracts a person to you.

SRS opens the last remaining door to the entire world for you to be free to experience life just as you always felt yourself to be. You are freed to experience that life as a person, not as a thing. Your dating options are unlimited.