The past year has been really difficult for me. I started isolating more and more. Once my college year was over, I went from barely hanging on to wanting to go to sleep and not wake up anymore. I did not want to die, I just have been struggling with wanting to live. It has gotten better the past couple of months. I came out to a close friend of mine about my dysphoria, who has been really supportive. My mom had been worried about why I was so down and why I was isolating. I was not able to tell her right away. After a few weeks, I mustered the strength and energy to tell her. At first she seemed to understand and it is possible that she does understand now as well. She was quiet at first. Then she asked me a lot of curiosity questions. I was honest with her that some things I do not have the answer to and others I am not ready to go into right away after telling her something so difficult. I'd like to be an open book, as I know how much that might help someone in her position but I am also in a very fragile position with my state of mind right now and there is only so much I can answer before it feels too much like a magnifying glass. I said that I'd be able to answer everything in time, so some things I may not be able to answer right now. I told her a week ago. I have been distant a bit but I keep in touch. We have talked a few times in general and a few times answering some of her questions.
Tonight, she called me and told me that she was looking online for some supportive websites for her because I had suggested that she find some family support sites because I know it is difficult but I am not able to provide that support (as THE support) because I'm barely holding on myself. I have been seeking out therapy, etc., for me and trying to get myself above water. I have also been struggling to find work. She seemed to understand.. so she was looking for some sites for herself today. One of the sites had said something like, "It is harder for the person finding out because the person telling has known for a lot longer." She seemed to take that to mean that I shouldn't be too preoccupied with myself to not be able to be her primary go to for support in this. Tonight, she said that I need to be more social and not so distant. That I need to be more involved with her and help her because in comparison, she is going through a more difficult time than I am. I tried to stand up for myself and say that I felt while some of that was true, her expectations were not reasonable and that she is expecting my healing to follow a timeline that fits her and not whatever/however long it takes for me. I told her I was going to leave the conversation because I felt it wasn't going anywhere. She then proceeded to say F U, F U little princess, F U. Then shortly after, called again said "You "effing" selfish "pitch" in a voicemail.
My mom is a licensed mental health therapist.
I feel like I should just let what happened just go in one ear and out the other but it really hurts.
How do I feel better after something like that?
How can I, if it is even possible, try to approach her after that? She will never admit to her wrongs, she is not that kind of person.
I feel really lost.
My brother on the other hand says he has no issue with me and supports whatever makes me happy. He's also not one to want to get caught up in things though, so I can't really go him for this. Those two are the only family I have.
Thanks for the advice/responses in advance.
