Death by........

[King Malachite]

You accidently slipped and hit your head on the fossit and landed in your bath water but you were passed out so you drowned.

Death by a clothes hanger

[Catherine Sarah]

In your haste to run for the train this morning, when you grabbed your coat out of the closet, you failed to realise the coat hanger was still firmly attached to the coat. Running down the platform chasing the train the coat hanger inadvertently hooks onto a grab rail on the side of the train.

You now become airborn due to speed of the train, and as the next station is some 20 miles away it looks as though you may be able to cling on long enough to untangle yourself at the next station. Unfortunately it was a cheap coat hanger from Walmart, where upon the hook of the hanger snaps off, immediately releasing you from the speed of the train. You hit the ground, bouncing several times only to bounce your way in front of an oncoming train. The rest is history, and so are you.

Interestingly though the certificate stated death by misadventure from a failed coat hanger hook from Walmart. They made absolutely no mention of you being hit by a train. Oh BTW the "good triumphs over evil" bit is, the Coroner recommended Walmart be sued for a zillion dollars for selling substandard coat hangers

Death by ................ misadventure.                  (And I DON'T mean; Miss. Adventure)

[King Malachite]

The wild misadventures you had as a teenager doing crazy things and not going to sleep for such long periods of times are finally catching up to you.  Unfortunately the stress is so much that your heart immediately explodes.

Death by the Moon

[Metal Stuart]

small portion of the moon falls to earth and smacks you in the head

death by clock

[Catherine Sarah]

If you'll excuse the plagerism. You ran out of time

Death by an assignment

[King Malachite]

The school assignment you were given was too hard that you went crazy andk ept hitting your head on the wall until you bled out and died.

Death by a pan

[Catherine Sarah]

You were cooking your favourite flapjacks in your best pan. Tossing the flapjacks into the air to turn them, your hand slipped on the greasy handle. With the idea in mind of saving the flapjacks from total destruction, you concentrate your efforts on securing their well being, forgetting about the trajectory of the frying pan.

Successfully capturing the said flapjacks with minimal damage you celebrate your dexterity and coming through your blind side is the frying pan at terminal velocity, striking you on the head. Blunt brain trauma causes immediate concussion and falling to floor, the flapjack is released from your hand and finally comes to rest over your mouth and nose, actually changing the theme of this thread into death by suffocation. However the death certificate does indicate death was principally caused by the blunt trauma of the pan. So I guess it's a win - win situation for all.

Death by nail polish

[King Malachite]

You and a couple of friends got drunk one night and decided to play a game where a person drinks nail polish and the last one to surrender wins.....and you were the lucky winner at a price of serious poisioning to your death


Death by a trailer park

[Catherine Sarah]

In your haste to get into town to watch the latest release of the Star War movies, you inadvertently drove well over the speed limit. Close to town is a very sharp turn in the road, that due to your excessive speed, you failed to take. Your car careered off the road, slamming into a pole, knocking the sign that was mounted on the pole, clean off, causing it to fall on your car, immediately cutting you in two causing instantaneous death.

The Coroners death certificate noted that death was due to a trailer park, as the sign that was the direct cause of death was an advertisement for Ambervale Trailer Park, which it stood directly outside of.

Death by intolerance

[King Malachite]

Your intolerance for eating healthy foods and only eating junk foods  as caused you to die of a heart attack.

Death by a stamp collection

[Catherine Sarah]

As the GFC (and Global Warming) were well and truly in full swing (Well they both go hand in hand some how. Don't ask me about technicalities, however, never fear I don't think GW features too much in this story) Money was no longer the standard currency. Apart from the Aussie dollar, if you're prepared to believe Julia Gillard.

Stamps had now become the preferred currency. Charitable institutions umping on the band wagon early in the piece, sent out people to local communities to collect stamps in order to maintain their welfare programmes. Calling on you for your donation, you told the collector you had no stamps. An argument ensued and in the fracas the collectors pen stabbed you in the heart causing immediate death.

As a result of the autopsy, the Coroners report stated death was the direct result of a stamp collector. 


Death by painting

[King Malachite]

You were working on a masterpiece of a panting.  You spent day and night trying to perfect your painting.  You didn't eat or sleep or drink or use the bathroom during this time.  You eventually completed it but you died from dehydration and starvation.

What as this work of art you ask?  Why it was a splendid painting of an apple with a worm in it in the middle of the sea.  It sold for 5 million dollars.



Death by jello

[Catherine Sarah]

Well, Global Warming ( well by now with Greece bankrupt, Italy insolvent, Spain flat broke and on the street, everyone has given up worrying about the GFC and have gone back to playing real Monopoly. You know the one with paper money and plastic houses ..... or wait .... no sorry the GFC was the real one wasn't it?) Meanwhile, back at the global warming, the excessive rise in temp, upset your hormonal balance, giving you an absolute insatiable appetite for jello. And I mean insatiable. You ate it 48 hours a day 23 days a week. You couldn't get enough of it.

Within a short period of time, and due to your rapid increase in size, you weren't able to make a Dr's. apt. Your blood sugars went through the roof and onwards to Mars and beyond, overstaurating your heart with diabetic sugar proportions where it finally stopped beating. You died and went to Jello heaven. The sliver lining to this one (although T&C prohibit silver lining to "Death by's" I just forgot which post I was in) was that you died the sweetest person on earth. (OK everyone, on the count of three ....... Ooooorrrrrrrrrrrr) (Thank you: such enthusiasm)


Death by amalgamation

[King Malachite]

You bit your tounge trying to say amalgamation rapidly.  While screaming in pain a fly landed on your toung and laid eggs in the wound.  The eggs then hatched and you suffocated by swalling the baby maggots.

Death by patriotism

[Catherine Sarah]

At a reenactment ceremony, celebrating the win of WWII by American forces over the Japanese Empire and honouring the death of so many brave men and women who gave everything for their country; you represented one of the many survivors who were able to place the American flag at the scene of the fierce retake of Guam. Unfortunately as the flag was just to be driven into the ground, you slipped and fell into the path of the now descending flag pole. With split second timing the pole lances you through the heart causing immediate, yet painless death. And yes, seeing the precedence has already been set, the sliver lining to this tragedy is that your name is added to the honour role of your fallen comrades

Death by tracheitis

[King Malachite]

Your constant years of smoking has given you tracheitis.  Your throat then swells up cutting off your air.  You try to call for help by the phone but the operators think you are joking.  As a result your heart stopped and you died.

Death by a Magazine

[Catherine Sarah]

While taking a leasurely drive in your open top sports car through the country side, a sudden unpredictable cross wind picks up an old Cleo magazine. The magazine being old and weather beaten is in poor condition causing the glue that holds the pages together to fail. A seemingly neverending stream of pages wrap themselves round your face. here are too many to fight off, including the enormous centrefold. Finally, being unable to see the bend in the road ahead, you slam into a solid 6' round tree stump. Death is immediate.

Death by tovarisch

[King Malachite]

You were drunk and decided to play Russian Roulette (how fitting) with your fellow tovarisch.  Even with one bullet in the revolver lady luck wasn't on your side. 

Death by staples

[Catherine Sarah]

Being a commodity in constant demand the pressures applied to manufacturing is stressed way beyond its capacity. With so little maintenance it fails in a catastrophic manner, causing the machinery to explode in gargantuan fashion and you are killed in the massive amount of broken machinery flying through the air

Death by baba au rhum

[King Malachite]

You had so much baba au rhum that it went straight to your thighs after a while.  While going hiking you were greeted by a hungry bear.  You tried to run but your thighs of thunder slowed you down by 80% even after the bear gave you a 10 minute head start.  He gets annoyed after a while and decides to hurry up and eat you.  Now all that baba au rhum inside of you has went straight to the bear's thighs.

Death by magnets