Quote from: Zoë Natasha on November 06, 2011, 11:01:02 AM
Pretty much all of the above... sometimes I swear I stop breathing for a minute or more and don't even notice until I suddenly gasp and pant to catch up. I'm not sure how much the voices thing is an artifact of my ADD, but I have issues concentrating on one thing for more than a couple minutes. As for muscles, I'm pretty much tense all around. The one time I got a massage, the masseuse said that in all the years she'd been in the trade, I was the most solidly tense person she'd ever worked on. And kind of like the breathing, I have odd moments where I realize that I've been flexing a muscle for minutes on end. Usually I don't notice this until it cramps up severely or it suddenly loosens and I notice that it hurts.
You poor soul. I know exactly what you're talking about because going through puberty as a guy with the mind of a girl can cause these kinds of effects on people like us.
It's like we're completely traumatized by having testosterone in us so we attempt to become men artificially by over thinking every move and thought we make and have.
My mother told me that, when I was a child, I would sometimes just sit and clench every muscle in my body and hold my breath for long periods of time.
Now that I'm on hormone replacement, I've been trying to achieve more inner peace by allowing myself to breathe more naturally, and relax muscles in my body when I'm not thinking about it, but it's very hard, and I'm only 24. I don't want to sound rude here, but for you it must be an even worse situation, considering your age. It must drive you insane sometimes.
Another thing is I have a hard time sweating, even while working out. Something went very wrong with our bodies as we progressed through puberty, and I implore you to find ways to heal yourself before it's too late.
We must allow ourselves to once again be controlled by our hormones. Body and mind, as we once were as children, instead of thinking about every thought and move we make.
May you reclaim your mind infected by testosterone. I love you.