relationships with women

[ncgal280]

does anyone have experience dating women post op?  if i went this route, i would continue to date women (trans or otherwise), but worry about being rejected.  i imagine there is a difference between dating someone you knew pre-op and meeting someone for the first time afterwards.  any advice would be appreciated.  thanks

[justmeinoz]

I am looking at SRS at the end of next year all being well. Until then I will hope that I can keep the attitude  that the sort of woman who would reject me is the sort of woman I wouldn't want to be with anyway.

I might hate the feeling of being rejected, but it is the risk I have to take if I am going to have a chance at acceptance.  Also, I have in reality been alone most of my life, even with a family, so I am no worse off.  Looking at the numbers of people here at Susan's who have kept or found partners proves that there is likely to be at least one  out there for me.

Karen.

[tekla]

the sort of woman who would reject me is the sort of woman I wouldn't want to be with anyway.

Oh if life ever worked out in the 'happily ever after' kind of way.  Lot's of people are drawn to what they can't have, in the same way that an entire (and even more unhappy) group of people are drawn to what they should never have, i.e. the exact wrong person.

And, given a lot of time to watch this, both close up and personal, but also at a distance and detached, that 'rejection' thing - which is always taken so hard by the rejected party, and how could you not?) is rarely as personal by the rejector as it is to the rejectee.  It's far more a mental deal, running down some hidden (perhaps even to themselves) checklists about what they want (and don't want) often far in advance of the actual LiebenPutsch that gets accepted or rejected.

And then there are the reasons we tell others (which may or may not be true), the reasons we know ourselves, and the reasons which motivate us but remain hidden to us.  Ahh, young Don Rumsfield in love. 

People want what they want, and it's really hard to change that - and the older people get, the more points you have posted on those checklists (also known to people as 'relationship baggage') and the harder it is to work around them. 

[AndromedaVox]

I think I can speak to this topic, as I dated a woman for two years when I was post-op. My girlfriend at the time identified as queer and somewhat gender-queer, so I was honest about my past very early on in our relationship. It had no bearing on her feelings for me whatsoever as she completely understood what it means to be transgendered, and saw me as a woman nonetheless.

Whether you are dating men or women, there is always a fear of being rejected. I know I had a lot of anxiety about finding a partner before I transitioned. But if I have one piece of advice it is this: carry yourself with confidence and be proud of who you are when disclosing. When I tell people I am dating about me being trans, I try to make it as positive as possible. I tell them that the experience made me stronger and I am proud of who I am. I let them know that I embrace being trans as part of my identity and I am not ashamed of it whatsoever. People usually respond to that confidence with acceptance, as they see it as a good thing that you are so strong and upfront and honest.

Conversely, if you come out to someone you are dating in an apologetic, ashamed tone, they are going to think that there is something wrong with you or that you are incredibly insecure. You have to own your past and carry yourself with dignity for people to respect you, and ultimately accept you. Confidence is the key!

Good luck!