I'm 58 this month and even after having been down the path of marriage, kids, divorce and several relationships since, I can still feel abysmally lonely at times.
There are a lot of GG's in the same boat , bemoaning the fact that all the decent guys are taken or gay, and the rest are just players. There are decent potential partners out there who can look deeper, it's just a matter of finding them regardless of our orientation. I am worth only the best so I am allowed to be choosy!
I have pretty much stopped going on lesbian dating sites due to the potential for triggering if someone makes a statement I can interpret as transphobic. I am restricting myself to the real world, either meeting people myself or through friends.
I have got a therapist again to help overcome these issues that have surfaced since I have come out as a dyke after moving to my new city. It really does help, not so much by them talking at you, but by them helping you ask yourself questions and find answers. When you can see that your fears are not realistic they are more manageable.
Before, I wasn't looking for a relationship, as I knew I would be moving interstate. Now however, I realise I have to take the risk of rejection if I want to have the chance of acceptance. Now I try and keep the attitude that if a woman rejects me because of a minor physical detail, they are not the sort of person I want to have anything to do with anyway.
There are support groups locally to make it easier for me to meet other transwomen and lesbians, and feel less alone. Also there is the local Pride Festival starting later this month which will make me feel more accepted in the community generally. As Julia Serano said, there are women with penises, and men with vaginas, and the world is just going to have to learn to like it.
Do you have any sort of GLBTIQ group in your area, or within a reasonable distance?
Even having to travel once a month or similar, if it is some distance, can be treated as a bit of a day out. Maybe do a bit of Op Shop browsing, check out the galleries etc. I used to do that when I had to travel for two hours each way to see my Gender Therapist. Looking through the shops at all the girly stuff can help make me feel more comfortable with my future.
Just a few thoughts. You are not alone Sis. You have a big family here, and there is bound to be someone awake and typing somewhere in the world pretty much all the time. So post away.
Karen.
