Life changes fast

[hwytoaster]

Life can change in an instant, so don't judge. It really is about status in this world, and I had someone get me in the door so I could have a job where they work, so I've been in training for a couple of weeks now. Even more surprising, everyone there is really open minded about me being trans and calls me by my chosen name. It's a real different ball game when you go in with a female name, don't appear female, and thus get rejected. Having someone vouch for you and tell their boss that a quality person is applying and to give them a chance, then things work out a lot better. However, besides having anxiety and fears about not being able to do the job to their satisfaction, I've got even more anxiety over the fact that we have to tell people our full legal name. We can't give customers or clients nick names or shortened versions of our name. We have to introduce ourselves to hundreds of people by our legal first and last name. And that really makes me sick to my stomach, knowing the horrible ->-bleeped-<- that's talked about me on the internet that people could look up and see, and how dehumanizing it is for me to identify myself as a female. It makes me feel embarrassed and like less of a person. So I guess that means changing my name moves to the top of the to-do list. I'm still pre-everything, and live in an area where doctors & therapists have never before dealt with a trans person, and are probably unwilling to do things like give T to a female... And the judges here are probably reluctant to allow anyone to have an opposite-gendered name, so I could flat out lose $500 trying. And I can't really throw that kind of money away, provided that it doesn't work out and I'm not good enough for them to keep beyond training, then I'd need what money I do get out of the paid training to leave the state. 

[Sharky]

Maybe you could change it to something neutral. it may not be your ideal name, but at least it will be more tolerable.  Anyway, congrats on getting a job. Find out where the closest willing doctor is and make the trip. I would find a therapist first. They could become a great ally and help you persuade a doctor. Would your boss really know if you used a nick name?

[hwytoaster]

Yes, actually, your boss, several supervisors, and the government listens in on you in this job. They will know if I'm giving a "false name" which, even the shortened version of my name is considered a false name to the government, because that's not what is on my official record.

[Sharky]

Yes, actually, your boss, several supervisors, and the government listens in on you in this job. They will know if I'm giving a "false name" which, even the shortened version of my name is considered a false name to the government, because that's not what is on my official record.

Oh so it's over the phone or something?

[wheat thins are delicious]

Which state do you live in?  (assuming you are in the US)

[JohnAlex]

My advice, (for what it's worth, lol)
Change your name to a gender neutral name.
Then find the closest (no matter how far away) trans-friendly doctor.
Then find an online or phone therapist and make sure your doctor will accept a letter from the therapist first.