I love when dreams become reality. I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis today, and although I don't like having disease such as this, I prefer to have an answer to my problems and a valid excuse (because not liking those bits isn't enough for some people) for my hysterectomy. Not to mention the drug I'm on, long term, can cause liver damage so it's best to have the hysterectomy sooner than later. Which brings me to the second bit of awesomeness of the day. They are booking my operation! I don't have the date yet, they said the surgery won't be for probably a few months, but hopefully before my 21st birthday at the end of February.
I'm already experiencing the anxiety that leads up to surgery, I think it will only get worse when I have the actual date set. She told me because I have a narrow pelvis and have never had children, that they will also have to do an abdominal incision. I was like "Okay!" while trying to hide my smile - not exactly fond of having peoples hands and objects in the land of no return...
So I guess this is just a happy post, I've been feeling like ->-bleeped-<- lately and today just made everything better. My moms taking it well, she knows I need the operation. My gynecologist is amazing, she has treated me so well, and so far I haven't had to go through a pap test/pelvic exam, but the two times I've been in her office I almost started crying because I thought I was going to and I swear it was like I felt like I was going to be raped. Just terrifying, and then she enters her cupboard while I'm there with all the tools... and pulls out a prescription pad, lol.
Anything I need to know in the months before an operation to prepare? I've decided as soon as I get the date set up I'm going raw vegan - I need the date as motivation, right now it still doesn't feel that real, just real enough to worry slightly over. As soon as I get the date I'm going to think every day that I'll never make it off the operating table. Endometriosis can cause anxiety... I wonder if that will go away when it's finally gone.
My mom isn't sure what she's going to tell my dad, he's a real ->-bleeped-<-ing ->-bleeped-<-, when he found out I was trans he went out driving after he'd been drinking, didn't speak a word to me but yelled at my mom for keeping secrets. Then he just pretended it never happened. He had a hernia operation (haven't talked to him in 10 months - since the operation) and he treated it like the biggest thing in the world and really milked it if you know what I mean. My sister is the same, they both try to make it as though no one else can have problems comparable to theirs, so me having a major operation and diagnosed disease, is reason enough for both of them to gang up on me for being over dramatic or them saying the doctors are probably wrong and treating me like a woman because it's a 'woman's' operation in their eyes.
Anyways, don't want to get down on my good day. I mean, getting down as in... feeling like ->-bleeped-<-. Not like do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. Oh boy... happiness really hurts my brains ability to appear at least close to normal... I have to stop now or I'll keep going, as I still want to talk, no one to talk to - oh that's depressing. FFFFFFUUUUUUU!
