During my introduction post i said that i had a little problem well here is how things stand now
After keeping my secret of being a mtf i decided that ten years later (am nineteen now) to come out to my first person. I decided that if anyone should know first it would be my mom since i love her very must. Although when i came out to her she reacted the same way i did when i was in denial for like two to three years about being trans. To say the least she did not hurt me one bit because i already had a couple of years to come to term with my gender identity. She seem to be stuck on some issues like i was when i was young. For example, religion, i'll never look like a girl, etc... The difficult part was finding privacy to speak to her since i had alot of brothers and sisters ( am the middle child). Seriously i share a room with my older brother and all my siblings runs around in the small apartment we live in. The time i choose was at the dark when she was alone watching her usual spanish channel (27)
This is how the conversation went between us two: I went to my mom in the kitchen and told her that i had a secret to tell her that i kept for many years.
She " hurry up i don't have time for this, i just want to relax and watch tv.
Me: i was too scare to say it so i took a blank piece of people and wrote down the word. I did not want anyone over hearing the conversation between me and my mom. After she read the word she asked "what is a transexaul, i have never heard of such a thing"
Me: " these are people who wear make up, women clothing, wigs, etc.." Yeah i know i what your thinking i probably didn't really did a good job coming out, but at least i said something.
Mom: "Are you gay?" Me:" Mom that is not important, what is important is that i would like to look like that and feel comfortable"
Mom:" You are crazy" she laughed Me: i stared at her with a blank face and laughed a little Mom: "God made man to be with woman and vice versa and you cannot be a woman. Also God wants a man with a woman and vice versa. Are you going to marry a man?
Me:" am undecided" I liked men more then woman, but i decided not to talk about that because if found it irelevent.
Mom:" you know that your not going to find a woman doing that stuff". Me:" If i brought girls clothes, make up, wig, etc... will you let me wear them when i want?" Mom:" People will make fun of you if you go to the store looking for all that stuff. Sure you can buy them if you want with your money from your job if you can do it." She laughed. At this point she probably don't think i would actually do it. This leaves me wondering if she would throw away my clothes or tell me to stop wearing them if i actually went on to do this.
Mom" If this is who you are then i accept you in whenever you want to do. Just remember people go to hell for this can of stuff. Now can you leave me alone and let me watch my tv. The End
Funny after so many years i i thought i would had been ready for that type of reaction. I prepared myself over and over. But i guess the fear of finally letting someone know my secret got to me. At least she doesnt think this is a phase which i might of gotten if i tole her years ago. She just told me that i was crazy repeatedly. After that conversation i was up all night thinking about what just happened.
Now base on what i just told you all is there anything i can do now? My plans are to go to my doctor and tell them am a trans. Then hopefully get refered to someone who can help me. Especially my mom. Oh one more thing am planning on bringing this up with her again and talking to her some more. I really want to show her that this is not a life style and is a serious condition.
Thank you and i appreciate your help
