So this is kind of a re-introduction for me. I was here way back before "nonbinary" had really caught on as a term and this was the "androgyne" section of Susan's. I feel like things have come a long way since then and there's a lot more sharing of advice and experiences and wider recognition, it's great! Of course there is still a long way to go.
I'm 53, a software developer and electronic musician, happily married. I'm AMAB, nonbinary, out to friends and family and most online spaces, but not at work. I have been using he/they or any pronouns, but I prefer they and may start asking people to use it. I do still use my birth name and haven't felt a need to change it.
From childhood I always felt a bit disconnected from "boy" and didn't see why I couldn't be a mermaid, princess etc. but also knew that I wasn't a girl. I didn't have the terminology to define and understand this, although in my teens I had a concept for myself that was loosely similar to Two-Spirit. Since I didn't have the stereotypical "woman trapped in a man's body" dysphoria, I didn't even remotely think I was trans until later in life. Once the concept of nonbinary started to catch on, I recognized myself in it.
My dysphoria is low-key. I'm much more bothered by the size/build mismatch than anything else. If I could make a wish to instantly transform my body, and yes I've had this daydream MANY times, I'd end up slightly feminine in features, petite, flat-chested, nice head of hair but no facial/body hair, and I kind of don't even care about down below. Forest sprite style!
For most of my life, both before and after identifying as nonbinary, I've just let people assume I was male and was mostly not too bothered by it. Being vague and cryptic and mysterious is kind of in my nature anyway -- and really more to the point, anxiety and really not wanting to deal with questions or confrontations about gender.
For a long time I have been defaulting to the same two pairs of blue jeans, one pair of Crocs, and either a button-up shirt for my one-day-a-week office workdays or nerdy t-shirts the rest of the time.
But lately I've felt the need to express my gender a bit more again. This has *mostly* been taking the form of just paying attention to style. Reading up on style, learning the terminology and what goes with what. Advice and examples of nonbinary fashion (new to the internet since my last go-around, and thrilling). The majority of what I've been wearing has been from my existing wardrobe from the mens' aisle, with some shopping to fill in the gaps -- but I'm playing with layering and more jewelry, wearing hats again, not being so dull about style in general. It's amazing what layering an oversized button-up shirt over a t-shirt or tank top and paying attention to colors will do. It's gotten me a couple of complements and made me feel more confident and gender euphoric. I did some online shopping and do have some more adventurous items of clothing due to arrive soon including some leggings and extremely funky boots that may not ever be seen outside of Halloween or industrial concerts, but we'll see.
