Non-Binary Introductions

[GQandi]

Tell everyone some of why you are here (or not)
Simple introduction if you care to

I am here to meet like minded people and learn to better understand myself. As newly out I still need the support to accept and understand myself. Great forum btw.

[wanderingamoeba]

Hi. I'm a genderqueer/transmasculinish gentlebutch who's been out to friends and family for almost two years (gender-wise, anyway...four-and-a-half years out as varying degrees of not-straight), but is just starting to consider the possibility of looking into starting T. Maybe. I don't know. Looking for information, and always on the lookout for communities to get involved in.

[black_moon_dust]

Name is Nicholas, am 24. Moved to Texas to escape fam..they dont understand and are not exactly well into listening to what i have to say, they honestly think "Im killing myself" by wanting to transition. Its to not be brought up anytime during a conversation with them or they get furious, shout, and then leave the room.. I tried explaining it to my mother back two years ago in more depth..in the end she just assumed me crazy. So i moved 8 hours away to try and make it on my own. This decision has made contact with them..even less than what I had before. (They've been aware of my wishes to transition since i was about 14. and yet ignored the therapists I had seen, advices on what they should do to help me)

I find while most the time i show more masculine behavior, i still have things i find adorable. I still wear make-up from time to time (Black eye liner), I like boots and high heeled boots, some feminine small jackets and having my hair long than short. Most the time i wear boys clothing (im so small i wear the largest sizes from the little boys department) XD Other times, when i feel like dressing up, i wear more mens skinny jeans with a button down shirt, vest, high heeled boots,make-up on, and my hair styled.  With my hair long or short, i get called a boy and a girl thru out the day (happens a lot at work). Even when i tell ppl i am a boy, they just simply smile and tell me Im adorable (yet to get out of that state lol) I pack (love my packer and packing shorts) and bind. Ive been told atm, my voice is that of a young boy and wish for it too deepen on hormone therapy plus get some facial hair growing in.

If things work out, i might be starting hormone therapy on the 29th of this month. This will be the first doc visit, and one i have been trying to get for the past 6 years.

I wish to find people more like me, so i dont feel alone.

Ummm think thats it

[black_moon_dust]

Thanks @ JulieR

[Shantel]

Name is Nicholas, am 24. Moved to Texas to escape fam..they dont understand and are not exactly well into listening to what i have to say, they honestly think "Im killing myself" by wanting to transition. Its to not be brought up anytime during a conversation with them or they get furious, shout, and then leave the room.. I tried explaining it to my mother back two years ago in more depth..in the end she just assumed me crazy. So i moved 8 hours away to try and make it on my own. This decision has made contact with them..even less than what I had before. (They've been aware of my wishes to transition since i was about 14. and yet ignored the therapists I had seen, advices on what they should do to help me)

I find while most the time i show more masculine behavior, i still have things i find adorable. I still wear make-up from time to time (Black eye liner), I like boots and high heeled boots, some feminine small jackets and having my hair long than short. Most the time i wear boys clothing (im so small i wear the largest sizes from the little boys department) XD Other times, when i feel like dressing up, i wear more mens skinny jeans with a button down shirt, vest, high heeled boots,make-up on, and my hair styled.  With my hair long or short, i get called a boy and a girl thru out the day (happens a lot at work). Even when i tell ppl i am a boy, they just simply smile and tell me Im adorable (yet to get out of that state lol) I pack (love my packer and packing shorts) and bind. Ive been told atm, my voice is that of a young boy and wish for it too deepen on hormone therapy plus get some facial hair growing in.

If things work out, i might be starting hormone therapy on the 29th of this month. This will be the first doc visit, and one i have been trying to get for the past 6 years.

I wish to find people more like me, so i dont feel alone.

Ummm think thats it

Sounds like a huge case of androgyny at this point, you're sure welcome here hon. We have a mix from A - Z in our little corner, glad to see you take control of your own life, so many have a difficult time making the move.

[Shantel]

Hi. I'm a genderqueer/transmasculinish gentlebutch who's been out to friends and family for almost two years (gender-wise, anyway...four-and-a-half years out as varying degrees of not-straight), but is just starting to consider the possibility of looking into starting T. Maybe. I don't know. Looking for information, and always on the lookout for communities to get involved in.

Welcome hon, you're in good company here!

[wanderingamoeba]

Thanks much for the welcome, JulieR and Shantel!

[Taka]

welcome, new members!

doing it the easy way, since i'm only half here...

i'm sure we'll meet once in a while, if you guys decide to stay. i recommend this place for people trying to figure out who or what they are, since there's no real need to be anything but yourself. at least in this part of the forums, i'm not too sure about those other parts, but the guys and girls there seem to be friendly at least, and helpful.

[Jamie D]

Hello all my new non-binary friends!  With the new release on the site, I have been a little negligent of this particular topic, so I apologize.  I will be back with some proper greetings shortly.

For our new members, please take the time to review a few things that will help you navigate the site:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

When you get to 15 posts, new aspects of the site will open to you, one of which is being able to use the site's personal messaging system.

If you need any help with modifying your profile, for instance, to add an avatar, just shoot me a PM at that time.  I come on the site almost every day, for at least a little while.

Any moderator can help you out in that respect, but I like to make myself available to my fellow non-binary members.  We are sort of a minority within a minority, and are not as well understood as some of the other TGs.  (But as a group, we are a heck of a lot more fun than those FtMs or Mtfs  - ssshhh, don't let them know I said that!!) 

[black_moon_dust]

@ Shantel

Thanks

It was a tough decision as far as moving away from family. I love them even if they dislike talking about it and say hurtful things of my plans. I see what i am doing as helping myself..not hurting. Oh thank goodness, someone can tell me about it..i was beginning to think i was a freak cause even though i wanted some Hormone Therapy to give me a bit deeper voice and facial hair..i still have the desire to glamour up more femininely..got told by one person that made me a freak of a transgender cause i should be wanting to be all masculine..so they confused me a bit.

[Shantel]

@ Shantel

Thanks

It was a tough decision as far as moving away from family. I love them even if they dislike talking about it and say hurtful things of my plans. I see what i am doing as helping myself..not hurting. Oh thank goodness, someone can tell me about it..i was beginning to think i was a freak cause even though i wanted some Hormone Therapy to give me a bit deeper voice and facial hair..i still have the desire to glamour up more femininely..got told by one person that made me a freak of a transgender cause i should be wanting to be all masculine..so they confused me a bit.

You'd fit right into this thread nicely "Androgyne Subtleties" because you and I share the same mindset concerning appearance and dress mode as a projection of who we are and how we self identify.

[black_moon_dust]

@ Shantel

Thats cool to know i fit along with another. 

[Shantel]

I read your entire post CaseyB, it wasn't difficult at all. It has the spirit and all of the elements of most of the rest of our lives as well, not to say that you aren't unique, but that we will all be able to relate with you on many levels. It is so typical of cis women to want us to behave and project thus and so, and I find it hard to buy into the idea that they didn't have a lot of huge vibes going into the relationship, after all cis women are generally much more intuitive about little nuances in dress and behavior than are cis males. So though you were in love at one point, you are both still young and can move on with your lives as you see fit. Welcome to the Forest!

[Shantel]

I think its true about her having vibes going into the relationship, I think she had another quality a lot of women seem to have, the desire and belief that it is possible to "fix" someone.  I think she saw me as a man who needed help being manly like I didn't know how.  Well it didn't work, even with me going along with it.  Unfortunately I know how to be a man, I am just not very good at it.  She said sometimes she thinks I'm gay and just don't know it yet or that I am just trying to hide it.  I don't know if she actually believes it or if that was some sort of tactic to try and make me prove that I'm not. 

Its crazy to me that I felt that I should change.  Love is a powerful drug. I'm determined now to not give up on being myself even for love.  However, loneliness is sometimes just as powerful, hope I can resist going back into hiding.

So very true especially on that which I highlighted. I'm still married though I still think that she married me for those same reasons and she felt sorry for me. Though that has changed over the years.

[Kim 526]

Hi, I'm a post-op MTF. I had SRS with Dr. Brassard in 2001. I do not dress or present as female, but I do have an androgynous presentation. I usually wear lots of leather: jacket, half boots, do rag, gloves. I have long hair and wear jeans every day. I'm on a small maintenance dose of estradiol by patch (that's OK to say on here isn't it?). My face is completely smooth from hundreds of hours of electrolysis back in the 90's and '00s. Being in a very liberal work environment I can dress however I please. The big thing is, my family is not uncomfortable with my presentation now, like they were when I was living as F. It wasn't for me plus it freaked them out. I gave it 5 years, and then one day I just said screw it, I've had my surgery, I feel whole, who cares how I dress if it's going to make my loved ones comfortable. They mean a lot to me and it was a small sacrifice if it makes them feel better about Dad. I understand that the need to live as F is a life-or-death situation for very many MTFs (and as M for very many FTMs), but it wasn't that way for me. Living as F was a pain for me compared to now. I'd rather be how I am, somewhere on the spectrum, and we're all happy. That's how I've been since 2004.  I play in a rock band (guitar & keyboards) and have a career in telecom. I think this is a great forum.

[Shantel]

Hi, I'm a post-op MTF. I had SRS with Dr. Brassard in 2001. I do not dress or present as female, but I do have an androgynous presentation. I usually wear lots of leather: jacket, half boots, do rag, gloves. I have long hair and wear jeans every day. I'm on a small maintenance dose of estradiol by patch (that's OK to say on here isn't it?). My face is completely smooth from hundreds of hours of electrolysis back in the 90's and '00s. Being in a very liberal work environment I can dress however I please. The big thing is, my family is not uncomfortable with my presentation now, like they were when I was living as F. It wasn't for me plus it freaked them out. I gave it 5 years, and then one day I just said screw it, I've had my surgery, I feel whole, who cares how I dress if it's going to make my loved ones comfortable. They mean a lot to me and it was a small sacrifice if it makes them feel better about Dad. I understand that the need to live as F is a life-or-death situation for very many MTFs (and as M for very many FTMs), but it wasn't that way for me. Living as F was a pain for me compared to now. I'd rather be how I am, somewhere on the spectrum, and we're all happy. That's how I've been since 2004.  I play in a rock band (guitar & keyboards) and have a career in telecom. I think this is a great forum.

Welcome Kim, great post in my estimation, you and I are on exactly the same page as if I had written your comments myself. Only difference between us is I'm post orchiectomy, other than that everything is the same. You might enjoy reading "Androgyne Subtleties" and add your own commentary in there.

[Taka]

welcome kim and caseyb!

@ kim: i think there are many women who are comfortable with a female body but not a feminine presentation. you might be one of them? there's luckily no law or social norm that women have to present all that feminine with dresses and corsets and... only weird thing is that they seem to expect trans women to be all about the presentation rather than the right hormone level and body parts.

@ caseyb: that's a loooong post. try breaking it into a few paragraphs next time? it will make it much easier to read, even if you make it longer than that.
interesting to hear that you chickened out. i did the same when i came to a point where i knew i couldn't live with myself the way i was, but still couldn't seem to find that very strong identification with the opposite sex. i'd love to be a man, but not if that's what it's all about. and the only thing i don't like about being a woman are the odd expectations (actually more from women than men. why do women have to have so strong opinions about how everyone should be?) and these two lumps on my chest that seriously get in my way some times. i'm somewhat too butch for a woman and love dresses too much for a man. at least i managed to stop caring about my mom's comments that i dress too masculine, it doesn't mean that i don't look good in it, just that i look more feminine in other clothes, but that's not something i want to look all the time. if you manage to find a feminine style that suits you, i'm sure most people will think you're totally weird for wearing female clothes, but not much more than that. i once saw a guy who looked totally cool in a skirt, and that japanese visual kei also has some styles that should be fairly acceptable, like emo once was, if you just pretend that's your reason if people ask too many questions.

[Taka]

I'm not looking to pretend anymore.  If someone doesn't like the way I want to dress or act, they can either choose to leave or put up with it.

people are supposed to judge a person by their inner qualities, not the clothes that they wear. and anyone who's too superficial to realize that isn't necessarily worth changing the way you dress for.

[Shantel]

people are supposed to judge a person by their inner qualities, not the clothes that they wear. and anyone who's too superficial to realize that isn't necessarily worth changing the way you dress for.

+1 I totally agree! When I was young I was impressed by outward appearances often times to discover that it was nothing more than a sensual deception, perhaps pretty packaging. Now that I am older I look more on the character of the inner person and that holds much more weight for me.

[Jamie D]

Hey Casey.  I can so relate to your experiences, except in my day and similar age, gay, les, andro, emo, goth, were not things that were even on the radar.  You just didn't do it.  You conformed.  You "manned up" (as a natal male).

But I already knew by my early teens that I wasn't like the rest of the boys.  Fortunately, I was a pretty big kid, to no one messed with me.

Not understanding my feeling led to many years of trying to cope the best I could.  Looking back, I can't help but think how things would have been different if I had the resources and knowledge then, that I do now.