Cure yourself

[Princess of Hearts]

Brain researchers have known for a while that the adult brain is a plastic as the child's brain.   For decades the thinking was that once past a certain age the brain formed permanent neuron connections that only disease and trauma could disrupt.   Bleeding edge research has shown that you can rewire the brain relatively easily.    If you want to cure a bad habit and addiction or cure yourself of transsexuality/->-bleeped-<- then you can do it.    Regarding TS/TG ism to cure yourself simply stop posting on TS/TG forums, stop talking about being a woman in a man's body etc.  Scrub the makeup from your face and stop wearing womens clothes.   I'll be very honest with you it will be tough, the brain resists change and you will have to be utterly determined and hold out for at least 6 months to a year before your will see permanent changes.

I realised quite recently that I wasn't a woman after reading books aimed at women.   I simply didn't identify with any of the women in these books.   I kept thinking as I read 'his motivations are perfectly clear to me, why do they baffle you?'   The crunch came when I read a really stupid comment by the female author of a book who despite a possessing a doctorate and twenty years counselling experience still had little idea about men.   I also realised at this time that my life would work just find as I was.  I wouldn't have to hide my height, I would have to hide my British size 10 feet etc.   I was happy in my life until a few months before my 12th birthday when I suddenly wanted to wear womens clothes and act girlie.    The last few days have convinced me that this was a sexual thing, and I have been nurturing a sexual perversion ever since.   To transition involves an almost 100% transformation and I am simply not willing to undergo all that or subject my family to all that stress and worry.   I stand revealed as no more than a transvestite!  This would explain my antipathy towards hrt and surgery.   Some of you will have noticed that I have removed  the female symbol from my profile and I no longer have an avatar.  I had intended to say nothing but a certain thread made me post this.

[kelly_aus]

Good luck then..

and see you in 5 to 10 years..

PS: I tried just this 10 years ago.. Guess what? It didn't work...

[JenJen2011]

Congrats on figuring out who you truly are or should I say, who you are not. But as far as the so-called cure for transsexualism, what a crock of bull.

[Jillieann Rose]

Oh Kelly hon I know where you are coming from.
Princess of Hearts I also tried that for a couple of years.
I was miserable and I began to sink into a deep depression.
The only way out was to quit denying myself, who I was, and to be the women inside.
Unlike you Princess of Hearts I was never happy with being male.
I've always wanted to be a women when I grew up.
It sounds to me like you are not willing to loose all, everything for the sake of gain a new life that is free to be the person that is inside.
I think that is the real test.
So maybe you not trans women after all.

Congrats on figuring out who you truly are or should I say, who you are not. But as far as the so-called cure for transsexualism, what a crock of bull.

I so agree.

[Princess of Hearts]

I went to my local mall this evening and I realised that I was slouching and staring at the ground as usual.    I said to myself 'stop that!  You are a man stop skulking about.'  So I stood up to my full height and lengthened my stride and I was way taller than any man there.  I towered over girls who weren't up to my nipples despite wearing heels.    I  have realised that I am a grizzly bear and NOT a racoon.   Can you imagine a big grizzly bear trying to pass itself of as a racoon?   Nobody would be fooled for a moment.

I had to give up a second college place recently because I couldn't be a man for 11 hours a day.   That was when I thought that I was a girl.  Those female slef-help books certainly helped me but not in the way the authors intended.   

My life wasn't working as a 'girl', had I not had that realisation I would have wound up either homeless and jobless or in an asylum.  There was no future for me as a woman.  I am now a man WITH a future.

My mother used to say to me: ' Do you know how many men would love to be as tall as you?!'    and (blush) 'You are very good-looking why can't you understand that?'   Now I know what she was talking about.

[Princess of Hearts]

I had thought to live as a transvestite, but I realise now that even that is indulging an SP.   From now on I am the Scottish Tony Soprano.   

[Jillieann Rose]

I'm so glad you figured out that you weren't trans before you went to far.
Talk about skulking that is what I use to do but know I stand up straight and tall with chest out.
I'm am glad to be 5'8" here in the USA.
Be the man you are Tony Soprano.
Isn't that what it's all about.
Being the real person that is inside.

[MarinaM]

Congratulations.

This may or may not work. I was aware of the very same (neurological) things after I came out of the mental hospital, and spent about 2 years in the exact way in which you are now going to.

[JenJen2011]

I hate when I type a reply and when I'm just about done, I click something I'm not suppose to and it erases. Grrrrrr!

I'll just say this. I hope you're right princess. Or maybe I should say prince? Anywho, it sounds to me like you've made this decision out of convenience. You say you will never pass for whatever reasons so you think it'll be easier to just live up to others standards, like your mother, and stay a man. If I'm right, you'll be back like Kelly said but hopefully I'm wrong so you don't have to endure what we all do. Either way, I wish you the best.

[Princess of Hearts]

The only thing I am concerned about is the embarrassing fact that I don't know how to be a man.   Thirteen long years have pasted since I was male and I was a pre-teen then.  I suppose that I will go to an extreme and become a sort of King Leonidas in the film 300 before I find myself. 

[Dana_H]

If it was really that simple, the recidivism rate wouldn't be as high as it is.  If it works for you and puts you in a place where you are happy with yourself, that's great...but it's not going to be a one-size-fits-all cure.

Personally, male drives and motivations truly baffle me. 40 years of living in a male role has not granted me very much insight into that realm.  I was never especially good at fitting in with groups of male peers, either. At my core, I am a woman. That is what feels genuine to me. I sometimes get the "urge to purge", but it never gets strong enough to overcome the intense desire not to see a man looking back at me every time I look in the mirror. In retrospect, every one of those urges has been accompanied by thoughts like, "Being trans is too hard," or, "Life would be so much simpler if I could just accept being male," but never, "I'm not really a woman after all."

From what I've seen, it seems like most people who are trans are seldom able to revert to a cis identity for long, whereas people who are cis and have some underlying condition that makes them think they are trans generally can't maintain a trans identity for the long haul. Plus, there are things like brain scans that suggest there may be a physical element to being transgender, although there could stand to be more research in this area.

[Princess of Hearts]

To finish I just want to say that I have been doing Vipassana and Chakra meditation which I feel has opened my eyes.

[Just Kate]

Complete abdication can work for a while, but doing so does not actually activate the processes that break mental connections - something essential to "changing your brain."  The things that once triggered your dysphoria still will once the honeymoon period of complete abdication is over.  Right now you feel strong, determined, and convicted, and if you will always be this strong then you could live by cutting this part of your life off, but strength and will come in phases, it waxes and wanes, and when you are weaker, when life starts to tear you down, you won't have the strength you do now to resist the feelings that come.

Does that mean I think you should stay transitioned? That is up for you to decide, but I'm telling you that the only way to change your brain is to confront the offending triggers, not to just pretend they don't exist.

I dislike the negativity in this thread from some of the responders.  Sure, the implication that _all_ TS/TG could be cured by taking the steps PoH states (which resembles reparative therapy and other failed psychological techniques) is irksome, but the fact that someone wants to try to take a different path shouldn't be met with naysayers and what seem like bitter "you'll be backs."  Talk like that smacks of people who want the person to fail because they themselves couldn't deal with their GID that way, and not of genuine concern for their well-being.  I don't know what is in your heart, but that is the way I read it.

So for the record, PoH, I applaud you for trying to deal with your dysphoria in a way that might work better for your life, but I worry that the all-or-nothing strategy is destined to leave you feeling miserable.  If you want to base this off psychological and brain research, it is best to involve a professional who can explain exactly how the brain is plastic and how to effectively change it.

[kelly_aus]

I dislike the negativity in this thread from some of the responders.  Sure, the implication that _all_ TS/TG could be cured by taking the steps PoH states (which resembles reparative therapy and other failed psychological techniques) is irksome, but the fact that someone wants to try to take a different path shouldn't be met with naysayers and "you'll be backs."  Talk like that smacks of people who want the person to fail because they themselves couldn't deal with their GID that way, and not of genuine concern for their well-being.  I don't know what is in your heart, but that is the way I read it.

So for the record, PoH, I applaud you for trying to deal with your dysphoria in a way that might work better for your life, but I worry that the all-or-nothing strategy is destined to leave you feeling miserable.  If you want to base this off psychological and brain research, it is best to involve a professional who can explain exactly how the brain is plastic and how to effectively change it.

My comments are based on personal experience.. I tried a number of things to 'cure' myself.. None worked, some masked the dysphoria and GID for a while, but it always came back to bite me.. I hope it does work for PoH, but my own experiences don't give me great confidence that it will. I don't wish any one to fail in life - I spent long enough doing that myself.. The only treatment I've found that reduces the pain I felt was to begin my transition, and a little over a year in to it, people regularly comment about how much more relaxed and happy I am in life..

[Fighter]

I hope you're right, but more importantly I hope you're happy. I for one do not believe that this is something that can be cured, even with something as powerful as hypnosis. However if you feel you can be cured, as you call it, then I have no right to tell you you're wrong or judge you for whatever reason.

The entire goal of transition for many is to achieve a happiness, peace of mind, or inner calm. If you feel that being a man will give this to you, then you have every right to try. Good luck in the days to come .

[Princess of Hearts]

Well what a difference a day makes!    I am feel somewhat embarrassed by some of my thoughts above.    Today I am dressed no differently than on any other day, except I am supposed to be a man now.   I realised last night that I have no idea of what a man is supposed to do, think or be exactly.
   What started this whole thing of was something that Padma wrote several weeks ago.    I was thinking of consulting with a gender identity therapist and I was mulling over in my mind what I would say to him or her and what sort of questions they were likely to ask me.    The obvious question is 'what makes you think that you are female?'    In all honesty I really don't know if I think like a female, or even if there is such a thing as stereotypical female thoughts.    I carried out in my head an impromptu Q&A session between me and this hypothetical GI therapist.   My reply to the above question was: 'I have no idea if I have a female mind but I do much prefer female clothes to male and I love being feminine.'   This is a fairly lame answer so I added I much prefer the feminized version of my name and being referred to as 'she' and 'her' feels wonderfully soothing.    Osho wrote that the closer to God you come the more happiness and rightness you feel.  In contrast the further away from God you are the more dark your moods and the harder and rockier your life becomes.
I love living the way I do being totally open with my mother and sister and they are completely accepting of me and my lifestyle.   Ok you maybe thinking so what is the problem?   Why did you write those things you did above?   The trouble is that I cannot live the way I do at home outside.   I have to put on an act and I am afraid that I cannot act for 11 hours a day, my nerves simply won't stand it.    Because I am tall I simply cannot act or dress outside the way I want to.   The difference is too stark!   How do you cope with GID and being out all day and not being seen or treated as you really are?     I cannot act the part of a man because that is not who or what I am and so I strictly avoid having to perform this act by staying at home as much and as often as possible.   
   This leads me on to something else.  My sister is getting all excited about her future she wants to do a post-graduate degree after she graduates in 2014.  However, this means that she will have to go and live in England for the duration.   This doesn't seem to bother her.   As she is 100% certain of her gender identity and she is seen and treated as a female she naturally has more self-confidence and is more outgoing as a result.   The world's image of her is the image she has of herself and so she doesn't get mind blisters from contact with the world.   The world insists upon treating me like a man and simply wouldn't understand it if I told it 'you may see a 24 year old man, but I am actually a mid-teen girl.'      I don't know what it is to be a 24 year old man or a 24 year old woman.  This makes me socially isolated, I don't really know what to say to people and I am frightened of them realising the truth because I don't know where it would all end.   So I avoid people and try and be as quite and as unnoticeable as possible when I am forced into the company of others.      The combination of having to act as a 'man' for 15 hours a week and being in the company of people who might realise the truth forced me to give up a college place recently.   I simply couldn't go.
Anyway all is not lost I am teaching myself lots of things and I have started serious meditation which I believe will help me in the short, medium and long-term, so the situation isn't entirely hopeless.

I am sorry if any of my comments above offended anyone.   I have decided to stay on at Susan's.   I am going to be confining myself largely to posting in the Spirituality part of the board and of course if I can help anyone elsewhere in the forum I shall do so.   

[Jillieann Rose]

Happy Girl,
Why can't you go out dressed? Who is stopping you?

I dress gender neutral to go to work.
Also most of the time at home it gender neutral because my wife doesn't want to see me in female attire.
I'm jealous that you can dress as yourself at home.
So how do I cope?
1.  I know that I am a women. There is no doubt in my mind anymore.
2.  I always act like myself (a women) no-matter were I am.
3.  I am tired of being controlled by what I think other want me to be. So #2 I act like and am me.

OK it took me allot of souled searching to realize that I am a women.
For sanity purposes I am me (be me 24-7). Maybe people think crazy but that's OK with me.
And I do get out in the world dressed as me. I love to be called she ma'am and other female terms.
And it's great to be treated like the women I am too.

I don't know if this helps Happy Girl but I did want to share it with you.

One of the biggest problems most trans-people face is the fear of what they think other will think.
It in-slaves and will sometimes destroys a person.
So it is really fear that holds many of us back.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

i didn't read through all the posts, but this thread sends a pretty bad message in a forum that is meant for supporting, and not repression. POH, you've been very nice to me before. i respect you very much, but i don't think any of us could tell you what you're doing has any promise. trying to "cure" GID is basically like trying to cure autism or HIV. there is no reason for you to repress your gender. just as much as there is no reason for cisgender people to repress theirs, there is none for you. if they don't approve, that is their problem. the only person it will hurt in the end if you go on a path of repression is yourself.

[Akashiya Moka]

If you want to cure a bad habit and addiction or cure yourself of transsexuality/->-bleeped-<- then you can do it.    Regarding TS/TG ism to cure yourself simply stop posting on TS/TG forums, stop talking about being a woman in a man's body etc.  Scrub the makeup from your face and stop wearing womens clothes.   I'll be very honest with you it will be tough, the brain resists change and you will have to be utterly determined and hold out for at least 6 months to a year before your will see permanent changes.

~Not to lie, upon reading this my first thought was, "what the heck is this crap....?".

However, about your personal decision, .....people deserve to be able to make their own choices (and their own mistakes); I truly wish you peace of mind & happiness, although as a girl who needs to live as a girl, I honestly can't comprehend this way of thinking or the "choice" that you are making (perhaps because in my world there was never a choice to make to begin with).

Please give this matter some serious thought before you decide to potentially hurt yourself by making this "choice".

One of the biggest problems most trans-people face is the fear of what they think other will think.
It in-slaves and will sometimes destroys a person.
So it is really fear that holds many of us back.

These are wise words.... Having severe anxiety issues myself, even outside of being trans; I cannot even count how many times my own fear has nearly consumed me, how many times it has nearly destroyed me. If it IS fear that is holding you back, don't let it win! Believe me I KNOW how difficult, how paralyzing, how painful it can be; but you have to move forward with your life or you'll just rot away.

[JoanneB]

Coming to a realization as to where within the broad spectrum of ->-bleeped-<- you stand is hardly a "Cure". Much like saying you cured your heart attack when it was only indigestion. 

One thing any reader here can tell you is that there is no such thing as a cookie-cutter TS. While at some point we all felt the strong desire to present as someone of the opposite gender. Wanting to do that does not immediately classify a person as a TS. It goes much deeper then what you look like. We all had tried various approaches to deal with our gender issues. For many here that requires transitioning and GRS. Depending on what studies, both formal and informal, you want to believe, a substantial portion of the population has fantasized at one point or another what life would be like if.... Other studies give percentages of males who admit to having fetishistic transvestism fantasizes. Raging hormones in teens hit brains different ways. In time things change. YMMV

You will also find that there are plenty of GGs who also don't get romance novels or some aspect of what "experts" say women feel. Perhaps some women do feel inadequate after reading how they are supposed to be. Sterotypes are sterotypes, no matter the who is spouting them or their intent.

About the closest thing to a "Cure" I found is beating the devil down. It works pretty good until the excrement hits the air handler in a spectacular way which life can do. I had a several decade long good run there. But never did I see myself as cured. I know enough to know that believing in a cure is just plain delusional.