Quote from: Fresas con Nata on April 05, 2017, 01:28:03 PM
5. People have a different transdar.
A good metric I use to know whether I pass or not are children. They will stare/point at you with nofilters because they still don't know that it's not polite to stare/point at someone. The days that they don't look at me too much, I know I'm doing fine.
True! People have a trans-dar, and being queer generally improves these. Let me tell you a little story.
About 2 weeks ago I was at this party, in our apartment block. I moved here a couple months ago, after my ex and I split up. It's like an old building which is split in to 120m2 apartments, most of which are shared student flats. That puts the average age of the people here around 25-30, we hang out in the garden all the time and make campfires.
So... We had one of those parties some weeks ago, and after an hour or so, these two girls walk in. Mind you, I've also got a queer-dar, and it immediately started to blink red and beep at annoying rate. Somehow, I just knew those two were in love. After half an hour, I was sure: looks had been exchanged, subtle touching and holding fingers, all 'under the radar'. Except for mine.
Then, the unexpected happened. I'm stealth here, and since I moved in, nobody has been able to tell. That includes my doctors, after having been asked 'are you pregnant' gazillions of times when getting scans and the likes. So anywayz, one of these girls walks up to me and asks me: "What was your name again?" I reply by saying I'm called [...], and that it's not a traditional German name (I'm Dutch but living in Germany). She replies: "Ah, because I figured, maybe you wanted to be called by the male version?".
--> Apparently she clocked me! I'm not quite sure how she clocked me, as FTM or MTF. When I get clocked, people sometimes seem to think I'm FTM. But anywayz, I was visible as a transgender person. So.... What's the takeaway message?
We all get clocked every once in a while. And I do think Kittenpower is right too: Basic decency comes a long way. There are those who notice and those who let you know they did. Clocking involves the latter, for me. I'm sure there are many people who've had at least a hunch, albeit subconsciously.
That begs the bigger question: are you afraid of being seen as Trans*? To be honest: sometimes I am. A major part of the last decade, I've been involved in many kinds of activism, and thus kept an open narrative. I wanted to reach people, help them and educate them. After a while though, the energy ran out and the passing improved. Perhaps, I figured, I can't take on the entire world. Nobody can, for that matter. So I secluded myself into a stealth-existence, which really calmed me down and helped me heal. Having been clocked by that girl really shook that world up, and was huge downer on my self-confidence. It's getting a bit better now (weeks later), but still.
TL;DR To live stealth is a choice, being clocked is not. There is a difference: we choose to live a 'normal' life because it entails less fighting and explaining. That doesn't mean being seen as trans* is necessarily a bad thing, we have to learn to be beautiful without hiding that which makes us unique!
