Finally accepting myself and I really need some information/advice :)

[nickm1492]

So just recently, I have realized that I need to accept myself for who I am. My fiancee, the most amazing woman I have ever met, has been the biggest support system I have ever had. She has even started calling me by my desired name, and silly little things like that which make me feel so amazing. Anyway, it's sad that it took me almost 20 years to just accept myself and I know it's still a very long road ahead of me but at least I can talk about things now. The best part is I know my family will accept me. I already told my mom once and she said she doesn't care, she accepts me as I am. However, the very next day I took things back out of shame and fear. I still haven't told her again but it's because this time it won't rush things. I need to figure out things for myself and my fiancee is helping me come to terms with everything.
I know how lucky I am. So I shouldn't complain but things are still hard.

I know for sure, I don't want to get bottom surgery. It is way too expensive (I will never be rich. And the surgery definitely does not seem to come out the way anyone wants. My opinion and I would never want to offend anyone by it.  I just really don't think it's for me.)
I know I will get top surgery but I am worried I wouldn't be able to change the gender marker on my birth certificate if I don't get bottom surgery. Can anyone help me out with this? I'm completely at a loss. I can't go to a therapist at the moment because I have no health insurance so for now, I'm just taking the time to understand myself better so I can fully prepare myself and be ready for the journey ahead of me.

Also, I have another issue. I was born in Puerto Rico. But I live in Florida. Even if not getting bottom surgery will allow me to change my birth certificate, I have a feeling this is going to be a problem. Puerto Rico doesn't allow you to change these. But I live in Florida. So I'm wondering if I'd never be able to change my birth certificate. It would be humiliating to have to deal with that. I want to be able to change my license. Humiliation is still something I have to overcome. And I think it's all in time.

If ANYONE can help me out, you have no idea how much I would appreciate it.

[Vincent E.S.]

Hi! I'm glad you've come to accept yourself and even more glad that you have a supportive fiancee and family.

I'm by no means an expert on anything, but I'll give my thoughts based on the few things I do know. The requirements for getting your gender marker changed is a state-by-state thing. Most states only require top surgery, but I think some require top surgery and hysterectomy. I'm not currently aware of any that require bottom surgery, which is incredible considering I live in the great red state of Oklahoma and I'm not getting bottom surgery either.
You can get your gender marker changed on passport/driver's license without changing your birth certificate. I don't know specific stuff, but I would assume that as long as you're a citizen of the US, then the policies and requirements of Florida would be what you'd go with.
If I remember right, I read a story somewhere about a guy who had joint citizenship and got his gender marker changed on one, but couldn't change it on the other until he did something else because the countries had different requirements.

Like I said, though, this isn't a definitive legal answer, just what I'd assume based on what I do know. You might have to go to your local courthouse or find a way to access Florida's gender marker change policies online. There's usually a clause somewhere near the bottom on legal stuff that talks about what to do if you're from another country.

[MaxAloysius]

I'll just pipe in and add that here in Aus a new law has just been passed that means trans people can change their gender on their passport with a note from a doctor and no surgery required, so some time in the near future maybe the same will happen in America.

[anibioman]

in some places you can change your gender marker on your license with no SRS new york you should look it up. there are very few states where you need both.

[Felix]

It's okay that it's taking you awhile. I came out last year, at the age of 29. It's not easy.

I did some reading, and it looks like you'll have to wait for Puerto Rico to come around and start offering more rights and protections to LGBT people. There was one ruling in 2000 by the Puerto Rico Supreme Court that let Andino Torres change her gender along with her name on her birth certificate, but then in 2005, the same court backpedaled by refusing to consider altering the birth certificate of Alexis Delgado. They said that amending the gender on paper was illegal, and that it's a problem for the legislature.

Bottom surgery, btw, shouldn't be a problem for you the way other barriers are. I don't plan on having bottom surgery, and most transguys I know don't either. It's not realistic to expect everyone to have expensive surgeries on body parts that aren't visible to the general public. Science isn't really very good at building penises yet, anyway. I think SRS is a continuum, and seeing it as a black and white thing is an outdated way of thinking.