Are gay men less accepting?

[jessicas37]

Two of my closest friends are gay men. One of them is a Drag Queen whom has given me a ton of good makeup advise. Even though they both know i am on HRT and have a date set for

SRS i recieve absolutely no emotional backing from theses two. For instance i made an off handed comment the other day something to the point of "I will be glad when the laser sessions

are done i hate using beard cover and soo much foundation." To which i got the reply "All cross dressers have to deal with that, get over it". I have tried many times to explain to them the

difference but they dont seem to want to hear it. I have noticed down at the club we all goto that the gay men are little to non accepting. While lesbians and straight women applaud me for

my courage to come out and be myself. I know i dont pass very well but i am constantly evolving with only being 8 weeks full time i have a long way to go.

I guess i was just wondering if anyone else has had experience in this matter.

[Diane Elizabeth]

   Yes, Gays do seem to be less accepting of us.  I had a boyfriend that dropped me when I started HRT last year.  He says he isn't interested in girl or a guy with breasts.   I have heard of other stories of Gays wanting nothing to do with TG.   I even heard that they (not all, I am sure) won't have anything to do with bisexuals.  On the other hand I know a few that are tolerant of TGs. 

[Cen]

"I will be glad when the laser sessions are done i hate using beard cover and soo much foundation." To which i got the reply "All cross dressers have to deal with that, get over it"

I can't really comment on the gay community much, but I've seen this kind of behavior often within society in general.  There are quite a few ignorant people out there who will belittle the problems of others when they either can't relate, or have more success in that area.  They don't get it, so they think it couldn't be a real problem.  To provide a few examples, mocking/trivializing those with eating disorders, the addicted, the depressed, and the suicidal for their perceived weaknesses and failings isn't all that uncommon.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I was part of gay culture for 10 years. It's very much a hyper masculine culture, gay men wonder why a "man" would want to mutilate himself. Dressing as a female and starting hormones is fine, but getting rid of the penis bothers many of them.

I wouldn't say that gay men are less accepting, but they don't understand transsexuals.

[AbraCadabra]

* ... getting rid of the penis bothers many of them.

I wouldn't say that gay men are less accepting, but they don't understand transsexuals. *

My experience exactly, thank you.
Gay males are 'accepting' of sorts as I found, but at the same time are REALLY not interested in our 'stuff'.
There is ZERO attraction, and it is (male - male) attraction that keeps those folks interested in general.

Girls are more attracted to other girls gg or tg, for friendship and companionship not really sexual, at least initially? That sort of emo does not generally ring any bells with a gay males.

My 2 cents,
Axelle

PS: sex with a gay male I had ('mercy ->-bleeped-<-', well) left 'the girl inside' REALLY bored...
Good for him I knew, but boring for me (I was still pre-op then).
So don't worry, it mostly cuts both ways...

[Just Kate]

Some gay men think trans people make them look bad.  Trying to establish themselves as "normal," they do not like the often misrepresented MTF as a "gay man" represent them.

I've had good relationships with gay men, but they are not all that interested in us.  I had a gay guy I was friends with at work who I developed a crush on.  He figured it out eventually and told me, that as much as he liked me as a person, he could only see me as a girl despite my history.

[MarinaM]

   Yes, Gays do seem to be less accepting of us.  I had a boyfriend that dropped me when I started HRT last year.  He says he isn't interested in girl or a guy with breasts.   I have heard of other stories of Gays wanting nothing to do with TG.   I even heard that they (not all, I am sure) won't have anything to do with bisexuals.  On the other hand I know a few that are tolerant of TGs.

Well He**, as a bisexual trans woman I'm out in the cold here, aren't I?

[Mahsa Tezani]

I have a billion gay man friends. I hook up with gay bi men...

But how they view us? It varies. Obiviously my ex is supportive but still sees me as a gay boy who looks like a girl.

[Annah]

from my experiences, gay men responds to transsexual issues just like every member of society. You have those who are utterly supportive of us. You have those who are just indifferent and you have those who do not like us.

It's just part of the human condition and ignorance.

I go to a Seminary where I would conservatively say that 60% of the men on campus are gay. Many of them are some of my closet friends. None of the gay men that I go to school at is against transsexuals.

Also, from my church and the non profits I volunteer at, gay men have been very nice.

You can say this same argument with Lesbians too. You got some that hate us (Womyn born womyn) and some that are indifferent and some that loves us.

[Morrigan]

Girls are more attracted to other girls gg or tg, for friendship and companionship not really sexual, at least initially? That sort of emo does not generally ring any bells with a gay males.

I agree with this observation completely. Gay men who do not enjoy the company of women, do not have female friends, do not partake in pastimes that women might, do not relate with women in the slightest.  A former employer of mine, who was gay and hired primarily gay staff, set a lot of this straight for me.  At that time I was a long haired, beardless, hetero male, and he had pointed out my looks and that I was far too feminine to be attractive for the click of men that he associated with. 

Beyond just intimacy with gay men, I also found that they didn't want to "get to know you" unless there was a reason behind it. This behavior I found no different than in any homophobic "mind yourself, don't ask any questions lest you seem gay" outlook, defining daily activities for hetero men.

In the world of straight men doing things with other straight men, it is the activity, and not how everyone is feeling about that activity, that matters.  There is no reason to really discuss fine details about the happenings of daily events, because they don't really care about how you feel each moment of the day.  I've not seen deviation from this in the way that manly gay men conduct themselves. They don't have a desire to know more than we are fellow LGBT and are interested in the same rights, and since we aren't their "type" no need to know us unless we enjoy the same hobbies and are necessary for its enjoyment, as you would expect one straight man to view another man.

This is obviously not true about the more effeminate gay males, as they can probably relate to you better than some GG's.

When it comes to the gay men who are accept us as sexual partners, my usual experience is that they do not enjoy flaccid genitals and obviously we have that issue if on HRT or have had any surgeries. We are by that limited in what we can do, even if we wanted to (which many of us don't, and would like to forget is possible).  The above mentioned manly gay men also commonly state that vaginas are ugly, and is probably a mental image they endure every time you remind them of your future plans.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Gay men will clock you easily. They are so conditioned to spotting ts people due to the large DQ community and that many of them do drag.

That being said, a smart T girl has a few drag queen friends. If you want honest critiques on how you dress, makeup, and present yourself...you will keep them around. That is my opinion though.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I agree with this observation completely. Gay men who do not enjoy the company of women, do not have female friends, do not partake in pastimes that women might, do not relate with women in the slightest.  A former employer of mine, who was gay and hired primarily gay staff, set a lot of this straight for me.  At that time I was a long haired, beardless, hetero male, and he had pointed out my looks and that I was far too feminine to be attractive for the click of men that he associated with. 

This is an incorrect statement to the extreme.

I was a gay man and I had nothing but female friends. I was closer with them than they were with each other. I was the stereotypical gay best friend who went shopping with them. I was a femme too... I wore makeup, plucked my eyebrows, and wore tight clothes.

I was a gay man for 10 years. I know them extremely well... But yeah, very few men can pull of long hair. I hated it on men back then and I hate it on them now. I liked stereotypical acting guys, but god forbid any of them got into my makeup.

But lots of gay men do not like men who resemble metalheads... Which based on your description is how you looked before. I still prefer men to be prim, clean cut, and although I enjoy heavy metal... Most of the men are repulsive.

[V M]

Some gay men are nice, others (most) not so much

It is hard for many to understand why we don't just live as gay men and why we would want to replace one of the main focuses of their attraction for something they find unappealing

I've noticed when I would go to a gay bar in younger days, when I presented as male I got strong drinks and treated nicely, when I dressed (even on Halloween) I was treated as less than

I also noticed that trans women would be disallowed to enter or even thrown out for any silly reason

I mostly distinctly remember a group of three couples that had arrived by limousine for New Years being denied because the gals were trans women

I quit going there

[Sadie]

Its funny the gay men can only see us as females and once we disclose to straight men 9 time out of 10 they can only see us as male.  Ha. Actually not that funny.

[amanda barber]

Many gay men don't don't care for the strait crossdressers that that make a point of telling the world (shouting from the rooftops) they are strait, can't stand people even thinking they they aren't strait as if being gay it something horrible, then going to gay clubs for "safety" when they want to go out but never supporting(or actively opposing) gay rights or any gay causes and being vocal about separating the "T" from GBLT.

Crossdressing would still be a crime in many places if it weren't for gays fighting for your rights, so some do feel a bit spit on lately from a segment of the crossdressing community.
It's not a matter of gays not liking crossdressers or transgender individuals.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Many gay men don't don't care for the strait crossdressers that that make a point of telling the world (shouting from the rooftops) they are strait, can't stand people even thinking they they aren't strait as if being gay it something horrible, then going to gay clubs for "safety" when they want to go out but never supporting(or actively opposing) gay rights or any gay causes and being vocal about separating the "T" from GBLT.

Crossdressing would still be a crime in many places if it weren't for gays fighting for your rights, so some do feel a bit spit on lately from a segment of the crossdressing community.
It's not a matter of gays not liking crossdressers or transgender individuals.

I've met so many crossdressers who were freaked out over my boyfriend and I.

[Morrigan]

This is an incorrect statement to the extreme.

I was a gay man and I had nothing but female friends. I was closer with them than they were with each other. I was the stereotypical gay best friend who went shopping with them. I was a femme too... I wore makeup, plucked my eyebrows, and wore tight clothes.

Copy Pasta incoming: [Only the] Gay men who DO NOT enjoy the company of women, DO NOT have female friends, DO NOT partake in pastimes that women might, [Then They] DO NOT relate with women in the slightest.

My point was absolutely not to say that all gay men were this way, I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion unless you read what I typed wrong. I am referring to a specific type, and that is those who DO NOT associate with women in any way. I have no reason to say that gay men as a whole do not associate with GG's or MTF's, as I know some personally who do.

[Annah]

Copy Pasta incoming: [Only the] Gay men who DO NOT enjoy the company of women, DO NOT have female friends, DO NOT partake in pastimes that women might, [Then They] DO NOT relate with women in the slightest.

My point was absolutely not to say that all gay men were this way, I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion unless you read what I typed wrong. I am referring to a specific type, and that is those who DO NOT associate with women in any way. I have no reason to say that gay men as a whole do not associate with GG's or MTF's, as I know some personally who do.

To give Masha the benefit of the doubt, I read your post the same why she did.

The way you wrote it gave me the impression that you thought this was the general belief of gay men. In the prior post you did not have {only the} so it gave me the impression you were encompassing gay men in general.

[AbraCadabra]

QUESTION: Why one earth do we care so much about gay-men's acceptance of us in first place?!

Some may become friends, some may not care for us, right? Some in deed you will loose as friends as you move on into transition, that is VERY probable as much as is with hetero cis-male friends and cis-females. We do know all this by now, or?

Will they (gay-males) want to get into an intimate relationship with us being pre- or post-op MtF on HRT? I REALLY don't think so at all. So --- why fret?

I do not talk about non-op / non HRT, and if you wish Lady-boy images. THAT be pretty much a different issue in deed. And guess what? THAT... we do know as well, and who likes those folks... no need to tell I should guess ;-)

So? Enjoy life's variety best you can,
Axelle

[Annah]

QUESTION: Why one earth do we care so much about gay-men's acceptance of us in first place?!

Some may become friends, some may not care for us, right? Some in deed you will loose as friends as you move on into transition, that is VERY probable as much as is with hetero cis-male friends and cis-females. We do know all this by now, or?

Will they (gay-males) want to get into an intimate relationship with us being pre- or post-op MtF on HRT? I REALLY don't think so at all. So --- why fret?

I do not talk about non-op / non HRT, and if you wish Lady-boy images. THAT be pretty much a different issue in deed. And guess what? THAT... we do know as well, and who likes those folks... no need to tell I should guess ;-)

So? Enjoy life's variety best you can,
Axelle

I believe the OP wrote it in desire to ask if gay men accepts us in terms of friendships and just to accept us in general...not in relations of love and sex. It is a basic human desire to not be hated or looked down upon by anyone.