Advice/support please!!

[Twilight_Star]

Hi all

I found this site last night and think it's just what I need for someone to talk to as there isn't anyone else! I'm not sure whether this is more for transgender rather than crossdresser but hopefully there will be some people out there who may be able to chat about the subject.

I'll explain my situation.....
I'm a 26 year old female in a relationship with an absolutely gorgeous man, we're about 6 months in and I love him to pieces. Yes, perhaps some people think it's a little early to speak of love but our relationship has moved very quickly and I know I am and he loves me too. Match made in heaven so far...
Very soon into our relationship my man tells me that he sometimes gets turned on by wearing women's clothes. We are very open and honest with each other, and have been from the start. He says he's never told anyone before and never had any girlfriends who knew (one did find out after they broke up but that was through finding clothing), but he felt comfortable telling me because I myself am very open. I have had long term relationships with both males and females which I felt was only fair to tell him early in the relationship in case he freaked out, hence his comfort with telling me.

Since then we have introduced this into our sex life and he has worn his clothes around me of an evening. I don't mind most of the time, but when we first spoke of this he said that it wasn't something he did all the time and it just seems to be ever increasing. It's not just about wearing the clothes though, he's into the whole humiliation side of sex and is increasingly wanting me to make him do things, sexual and non sexual (cleaning etc) because it turns him on. He also say he wants to be seen, that's another part of the humiliation side of things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly experimental with my partners (not to be confused with slutty ), and I'm 100% fine with what he wants normally.....just not all the time. He usually takes the submissive role and if he is ever dominant with me then it's still about him and he wants me to be telling him how he looks while he's dressed as a female. I have needs too!!! I like to be either side of the dominant/submissive role depending on my mood but I feel like things are just turning into revolving around him. I would like to be able to dress up in nice lingerie for him and feel that he's turned on by me - not because he's thinking of how it would look on him, or because he's thinking of what he's going to get dressed in once we get going. I feel less of a woman. I sometimes want him to be the manly man that he is to everyone else (he's not feminine in the slightest, very muscular) and make me feel like a woman rather than him acting like a meek submissive one.

He has said that he is not interested in actually becoming a woman, and is not gay. However, he does have fantasies about being forced to perform various homosexual acts and has just the other day said that it would actually turn him on if I made that happen for real, rather than just talking about it during sex as a fantasy. I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect, I have cheated on partners in the past - but for once in my life, the only person I want to have sex with is the person I'm in a relationship with....I don't know if I could involve someone else in that, and see him with someone else (male or female) without wanting to kill them (not literally ). Another thing is that sometimes if we are (rarely) having sex without him wearing anything....he ends up not being able to keep it up for the whole time and is unable to finish the job so to speak (not for me, as he'll always make sure of that through other means - but for him) and it makes me feel like he's not happy unless he is wearing something and that I've failed in some way to please him. 

I don't want to lose him, because I can actually see this relationship working for a very long time - provided we both have our needs satisfied. But I don't want to be in a relationship where it is so one sided. Am I selfish for wanting him to be manly sometimes? I feel like it's not necessarily me that he's attracted to, but it's the clothes he's wearing....or it's because I've appeared to have accepted it and will provide him with the fantasy of humiliation.

I don't really know whether this lends itself to giving me any advice or support, but hopefully someone might be able to respond to it. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, I feel like I am being selfish for not just going with it, but then I also feel like if I'm going to accept it then maybe he should make the effort to provide me with what I want as well. I don't want to fail my man.


Sorry for the massively long post, I hope someone will find the time and inclination to talk to me

Twilight_star
xx

[Felix]

If he's only submissive and can't be dominant sexually (and you don't like the one-sidedness), then you might have a problem being compatible. If your relationship is otherwise worthwhile, it's probably worth negotiating with him about this.

If dressing and being humiliated and stuff is new to him, he may just be getting into it so much because he's been suppressing it for so long. Or it may be all that really turns him on. You'd have to ask him, and know that he may not have a lot of insight on it himself yet.

I'm not a SO, btw, and I'm not a crossdresser, but I have pretty recently gotten into kink and power exchange after years and years of always insisting on sexual equality in both form and appearance. I don't have any experience with playing sexual power games within an otherwise normal and committed relationship, though. I'm not monogamous, and I keep bdsm stuff sequestered from my other sexual relationships. So my advice should be taken with quite a bit of salt.

Good luck working through this. It's very cool that you are willing to think about it, and haven't jumped to conclusions or rejected him out of hand.

[Twilight_Star]

Also, I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post because I'm aware that this is I guess my man adopting a 'sissy' persona - I do know that not all CD identify like this.....but any 'sissy' type websites I've found seem to be more of a sexual thing and I'm really not looking for porn on the subject Just advice!!

[Felix]

You might find more help in the Crossdresser talk forum than in Significant Others talk.

[Twilight_Star]

Thanks for your reply Felix - it's nice that someone is out there
I've copied and pasted in the CD forum, but if there is anyone else who wants to offer any comments, the more the merrier!
xx

[caitlin_adams]

I think the key is to talk to him and explain your feelings to him.

You're lucky in the fact that you don't mind him being the submissive one some of the time. My ex couldn't stand it all.

I think you should explain to him what you've said in your original post, but focus on the fact that you're really into him and you enjoy meeting his needs and taking the dominant role but you also would like to have your needs met.

Maybe put it to him thus: he really likes it when your gets to be submissive, well so do you, so you need to share and compromise and take turns.

Whatever you do, be open and honest and communicate how you truly feel but also be kind and caring about it, don't jury and emotionally manipulate him.

I really hope things work out for the best for you two. I'm happy to answer any questions you may have so private message me if you like. You sound like a really generous, caring woman.