Emma
I think I write for a number of us at Susan's Place when I acknowledge our hearts go out to you and your boyfriend as you muddle through a difficult time in your lives.
Even as I am a mtf transsexual still struggling with my identity and fighting even myself and alternately reconciling or not who I am with the norms of society -- know so many of us here understand the struggle going on between your head and your heart. There, too, is a bombardment of too many unanswered questions you are dealing with in your own mind on a topic so new to you. For many decades many of us had a similar dilemma -- reconciling our hearts and our head and what "others" -- society -- expected us to be.
You have an added question in wondering, I would guess, whether this has anything to do with your own femininity -- It certainly does not -- or your own ability to be attractive in a female way to someone who loves women's clothes -- It certainly has nothing to do with your own attractiveness -- and everything to do with one person liking the clothes of the opposite gender. PERIOD.
Your boyfriend took a courageous step into honesty when he revealed to you his most vulnerable secret. He clearly did not want to lie to you (by omission, if nothing else) and I would suggest he has a very deep love for you as noted by laying himself vulnerable to you and your impressions. It was a long time for me before I "got honest" with the one I love -- and that is worse than the issue itself.
You will not know which way to turn for a while and I would offer let time take its course. Lay down some rules that work for you (even if your comfort level improves as you understand it better, they can be amended if you so decide) and spend much time talking and researching and asking as many questions as you can think of ...
In this world, it is difficult to identify those who truly love and if you think your relationship is that important to you -- than kick back ... take the time necessary to work it through in your own mind -- and if a comfort level emerges ... good ... if not, than you will make some decisions that work for you. Your boyfriend must permit you this "working through it" time and he must not "get in your face" as so many of us tend to do when we are set free from our own self appointed prison of secrets.
I have mentioned in another post that too many of us in the gender community -- once set free -- tend to be too selfish and self-absorbed as we experience the coming out -- so a word to your boyfriend ... give Emma time and she may through greater knowledge and understanding be your biggest supporter but if you "get in her face" too much about your cross dressing or if you are not totally honest, you invite the end of your relationship. Be cool, dude. You may be surprised over time.
Good luck, Emma. You are in our thoughts.
