Rap battle inspired poem

[Cirnobyl]

So I was watching the "Epic rap battles in History" stuff on youtube and got in a rhyming mood. I somehow managed to get myself to sit down and write the ideas out. Its pretty rough since I didn't revise it or anything but here it is.

"So you think its pretty fun, to spot out a '->-bleeped-<-'
spell em out to the crowd, because you think its so funny

did it ever occur, that you're hurting that girl?
and yeah I said girl, not a boy, you churl!

I don't appreciate, the shenanigans of a jackal
I wasn't put on this earth, to be your next chuckle

But I know how it is, you snaggletoothed hick
to be the head of your pack, you gotta be the prick

See I been in the boys club, though I didn't wanna stay
all the time i was there, I learned the games you PLAY!

I don't expect you to understand, its to hard for you to think
about the feelings of others, or how bad your cologne stinks

See now a tgirl just wants to be happy, body n mind to be complete
Not to hang in limbo, not being made to feel like a freak

I'm not trying to deceive you, I just want to be real
WIth a Girls mind and a boys body, I hope you can deal

but you probably wont, you'll just sneer
call me a freak, a trap and a queer

So keep laughing you fool
truth is, the jokes on you."

[justmeinoz]

Not bad at all, I like the way that although pairs of line alliterate, you have avoided the bad poetry trap of making every line end the same. (like most rap, ) The fact that the last is different resolves the finish too.

Karen.

[Cirnobyl]

Wow I like your avatar! I have a suzuki too that I'm working on. A 1988 GSX600F Katana...http://katriders.com/vb/showthread.php?t=121399

Also I don't really listen to rap, the epic rap battles of history on youtube were just funny.  I haven't written a poem since creative writing either, so I'm glad that was ok for you ^_^.