Lost and Feeling Alone

[Loved_PrincessMPLS]

Hi all,

I am post-op by about three weeks, and I feel like I've hit the end of the road with no where to turn to for support on what lies ahead next in my journey.

I know that life has to go on, but where do I find that life? Where do I connect with other post-op women who are willing to show me the ropes? I suppose I feel like I've come to the end of my journey when it really should just be beginning. 

Could anyone offer advice on how to pull myself out of this slump? I mean, after all, I did have the surgery of my dreams.

Bright blessings,

Bailey

[Jenny1969]

Hello

I can offer absolutely no advice on this as I am just beginning my journey. But it women like you that can help ladies like me.....so there is that.  Your going to be real busy passing out all that experience you have. 

If nothing else I like to talk.  So what's the thing that has you discouraged the most?

[Margarine]

Hi Baliey,
I am one year and one day post op! It gets better, what advice are you looking for?

Take Care,
Margaret

[Katie]

YOu are starting a new transition. I mean this is a long process like anyone else. You go through puberty it takes years. You go through transition it takes years. After SRS you start a new transition. Your journey is just beginning............

[HappyMoni]

Hi Bailey,
   I would not be surprised if you are experiencing a little post op depression. My surgery was a year and a half ago. I didn't get it for GCS surgery, but did for another surgery. I think before GCS surgery we are consumed with the mission of getting it done. We have the hoops to jump through. We sometimes put our life on hold til it is done. Then there is the excitement of actually becoming whole. It is such a high. Then, where do you go from there? You can't maintain that high forever. You move away from that exciting time, but the maintenance, the discomfort, still continue. You are tired most likely. Maybe you can't get up and move like you want to. Yeah, it is kind of a yucky time. If it is bad, get help. Let your surgeon know too. They probably see it a lot. I have kind of felt this with my whole transition, Bailey. I felt really involved in this mission to become right. It was hard, yeah, but I was involved in something that had a goal. I knew where my efforts would be directed every day. You come to a point where a gear change is necessary. You need to find that next mountain to climb. For some, that is just living life. Some others need more challenge. One thing I would avoid if you can. Don't give into it. Don't let it rule you. Stay social, keep talking. Go through the motions if you don't feel it at first. I really think this feeling will pass for you.
   Hope this helps.
Moni

[Loved_PrincessMPLS]

Thank you all for your replies and kind words.

My biggest concern is that I no longer have anything to look forward to as a transgender woman now that I'm post-op. Does life simply return to normal as I know it and I just enjoy it as I once did, or am I missing something?

I've been trying to do things like read my newspaper and study my Tarot cards — both activities I did in earnest before my surgery — to try and bring back a sense of normalcy. Is there anything else I can do to bring back that sense of daily life prior to surgery?

Perhaps I'm experiencing a little post-op depression as HappMoni pointed out?

[HappyMoni]

I would suggest not limiting yourself to old activities. Open up some new doors. Try to find balance in your life. Can you get a change of scenery at this point? You probably can't exercise, but can you walk some or even just drive somewhere. Getting to the library or to a support meeting might be helpful. Stay busy to the degree you can without overtiring. You are still recovering. Getting on here and talking it out is certainly a positive.
Moni

[EllenJ2003]

Hi Bailey,

I think a lot of us who are post-op, have had the same feelings as you at one time or another.  For me, the "what now?" came from the fact that I had been focused for years on reaching the final goal for me (SRS), and as a result, putting the rest of my life on hold.  Once the SRS was done (in late 2003), I felt a bit aimless for a few months, until I began to realize that I could go back to doing the things I loved (which due to their nature, could often be costly monetarily [good guitars don't come cheap, and I had sold off all of my good professional music gear years before, to help defray transition costs]), and didn't have to just about work myself into the ground to pay for the surgery and other transition costs (which gave me more free time).  Things settled down, and I found my groove.

I think one of the suggestions about doing things (new or old) that might interest you, is a good idea - it shows that there is life after SRS.  Hey, you're beginning a new phase in your life!   

Ellen

[Katie]

Life does go back to normal for most of us. Some of us learn how to fit into the normal world really good and live out lives as any other woman. I did just this and after a number of years I got married to a really awesome guy. These days we go on a lot of adventures......

[Michelle_P]

Hi all,

I am post-op by about three weeks, and I feel like I've hit the end of the road with no where to turn to for support on what lies ahead next in my journey.

I know that life has to go on, but where do I find that life? Where do I connect with other post-op women who are willing to show me the ropes? I suppose I feel like I've come to the end of my journey when it really should just be beginning. 

Could anyone offer advice on how to pull myself out of this slump? I mean, after all, I did have the surgery of my dreams.

Bright blessings,

Bailey

3 weeks?  There's something that I discovered about general anesthesia, a sort of 'hangover' that bites many at roughly a month past surgery, manifesting as 'post-op depression'.  That might be contributing to your state of mind right now.  It goes away pretty quickly.

The good news is that with medical transition steps out of the way you are free to just live your life as yourself.  Finding that life, establishing new social connections and exploring new activities is your next challenge, as you have expressed.  The good news is that you have a powerful secret weapon!

In order to get through our medical transitions we develop a powerful focus and drive, to push through the evaluations, examinations, physical and mental challenges, and finally our surgeries and recoveries.  We have planned and searched, figured out the best courses for our transition, and taken on the challenges of following our course.

We know that we have the drive to do difficult tasks, and the focus to find our way and complete this course.  The post-op challenge is really to redirect that focus, select new life goals, and apply that powerful drive.

Take a little time to try and imagine what a day in your life might be like in a few years.  Indulge in some dreams and wishful thinking.  Write a few notes on what that day might be like.  What places will you go to?  What sort of events?  Packing for a trip?  Planning on touring a few national parks you haven't seen?  Taking dance lessons?

Look at those notes, and daydream a bit more. Add in some detail.  Are you doing things by yourself, or would you like company?  Are you living in your current place, or dreaming of a change?  Add to your notes.

Now, turn those notes into goals.  Chart a path that might let you achieve them.  That might inspire some more immediate actions for you to take, such as joining a social group through the local LGBTQ center or religious organization, a meetup group to engage in activities of mutual interest, or perhaps volunteer somewhere that might have you meeting people.