This sucked.. teenagers are mean

[Bird]

I was off to take a walk this afternoon.

The place I usually go to was hosting some kind of teenage school games, anyway, I was walking behind this group of teens and reaching up to them, as they were just chilling whilst I was exercising. One of the girls in the group suddenly looked behind her and said "hello Sir" then looked at the others letting out a giggle.

I was feeling confident so I walked up to them and said Hello, and I asked if she was talking with me and why had she said hi so suddenly. She returned a blank stare to me, while one of her friends said "She uh, is just really sympatethic" I said "Well, okay. Hi!" And went my way.

As I walked ahead I overheard the teenage guy who spoke with me saying "I told you she is a woman!" then the girl replied "it is a man, I am telling you!"

In the next few minutes I changed my walk routeas to avoid any further confrontation with groups of teens, but I meet another group. One of the girls gave out a small laugh as she walked past and as we were a far distance away she yelled "It is not a real woman, someone throw a rock at her!"

After that, I ceased my walk exercise abruptly as I realised things could get out of control. I wans't physically harmed... but inside, it is hurting like a bitch. After I arrived home, it took a few hours but when I began crying, I cried myself to sleep. I feel my fears of not passing, and not ever, are true, I really will need FFS if I'm ever going to cut it.

It is a dent, I... honestly and I mean no offense, never expected or thought I would be one of the girls who didn't pass and even though I doubted myself, I was just beginnig to feel confident about me and beginning to think I looked cute. I suppose it is good to receive a good shower to bring myself back to reality. I'm still crying actually, it stings.

[stldrmgrl]

I'm sorry to hear this happened.  Most important from what you said is you stood your ground and didn't allow them to get to you at the time they were speaking to you.  That's awesome.  I know it's difficult, but I wouldn't let it get to you.  Those type of teenagers will find anything to make fun of a person about because they're in their "I'm so cool" years, convinced they are the definition of perfection.  You're better than that.  Stand tall, stay true to who you are and don't worry.  I feel for you, and again I'm sorry this happened.  Hang in there!

[~RoadToTrista~]

Wow that's rude, I'm glad you handled it that way Bird. I would've been bitchier.

Ugh.... It feels weird to call you Bird, LOL. You had another name on this site before remember? But I forgot it completely. >.>

[Bird]

@all: Yea well.. I guess I handled it well, I agree, and thank you. My crying has stopped by now. I just wish I had passed, so there would be no situation to handle.

Trista: Yes I did, I had to change it because my parents are insane.

[Kreuzfidel]

That is disgusting how you were treated.  I've noticed that a large percentage of teens today are borderline sociopaths with no regard for humanity or the feelings and lives of others.  When idiots make comments like that, they're usually trying to impress.  What I'd like to impress upon them is a fist in the face, but what I'd like to impress upon you is that expending energy on a brainless sack of goo like that chic is a gross waste.  You didn't deserve that and this has further added to my belief that people are mostly wicked little trolls.

[Mahsa Tezani]

That is disgusting how you were treated.  I've noticed that a large percentage of teens today are borderline sociopaths with no regard for humanity or the feelings and lives of others.  When idiots make comments like that, they're usually trying to impress. 

I used to do ->-bleeped-<- like what those kids did as teens. We threw change at old people, harassed the neighbors, and vandalized property almost on a weekly basis.

Teenagers are nature's idiots.

[OrderOfOriah]

Be aggressive and stand up for yourself.

I got harrassed by a girl the other day because I was wearing a cute skirt and a nice blouse, but because of my build I wasn't passing 100%

Without skipping a beat I just replied that she was jealous because I'm prettier than she is and can afford better clothes.  she didn't even have a comeback because she was fugly and dressed like trailer trash

Develop a sharp wit, and use it to cut down your foes.

[Bird]

I'm not confrontational by nature, though when I am, I usually get really aggressive. So, I tend to avoid confronting. Also anyway, there is one plus to this story: her friend insisted I was a woman even if she had clocked me and was insisting on it!

I know she spotted me because of my build (no hips, no butt, upside down V body shape and I was wearing something that let people see I don't have much of a bottom), but I am working on it. Really, the most offensive thing for me was that other girl threatning to throw a rock at me, that was dangerous. I don't have a muscular build at all anymore and there is no possibility I could defend myself if a group of them decided to bring physical harm to me.

I subscribed to a gym today,  that will be much safer

[Mahsa Tezani]

I'm not confrontational by nature, though when I am, I usually get really aggressive. So, I tend to avoid confronting. Also anyway, there is one plus to this story: her friend insisted I was a woman even if she had clocked me and was insisting on it!

I know she spotted me because of my build (no hips, no butt, upside down V body shape and I was wearing something that let people see I don't have much of a bottom), but I am working on it. Really, the most offensive thing for me was that other girl threatning to throw a rock at me, that was dangerous. I don't have a muscular build at all anymore and there is no possibility I could defend myself if a group of them decided to bring physical harm to me.

I subscribed to a gym today,  that will be much safer

How tall are you? Height plays a huge role in t perceptions.

[Felix]

Forget them. Teenagers are indeed nature's idiots. Be as tough as you can and remember that you have every right to exist and be seen, whether you pass or not.

I actually get more trouble from teenagers when I pass than when I don't. For some reason nobody jeers at me when they think I'm a masculine woman, but if they think I'm an effeminate guy it's open season. I just keep my head up and ignore them. Be proud.

[Kreuzfidel]

I actually get more trouble from teenagers when I pass than when I don't. For some reason nobody jeers at me when they think I'm a masculine woman, but if they think I'm an effeminate guy it's open season.

I know this to be the case, too.  I'm always a bit uneasy when there's a gang of young blokes near me especially.

[Bird]

I'm 5'8'' Mahsa, I think I weight around 140lbs atm.

Anyway the people at the gym were nice. I got no stares at all and it is not a crowded gym. I'm a bit self-councious about my body, still, but I hope things begin to pick up now I know it is a slow process to build a feminine body though.

[Ayden]

Teenagers suck. I am sorry you had to go through that, sweetie. Hearing other's experiences makes me really nervous to start my RLT. All I want to say is that I am in awe by how strong the ladies here are. I know that as a rule it can be harder for MTF gals to pass intially because of the effects of T, but you gals rock it and seem to take in stride. It makes me feel alittle foolish for getting pissy that I can barely pass as a really femme guy (if I don't speak).

But yeah, teenagers suck as a rule of thumb. I think they should be tasered sometimes. Except for my little brother, because he is so caring about others. He came to stay with us for a few weeks two years ago, and we ran into one of my old patients from the pharmacy who was a trans gal, and he didn't miss a beat. He treated her very much like the lovely lady she is. Maybe we ought to just clone him and replace the rest of the little jerks.

[Dana_H]

That is disgusting how you were treated.  I've noticed that a large percentage of teens today are borderline sociopaths with no regard for humanity or the feelings and lives of others.  When idiots make comments like that, they're usually trying to impress.  What I'd like to impress upon them is a fist in the face, but what I'd like to impress upon you is that expending energy on a brainless sack of goo like that chic is a gross waste.  You didn't deserve that and this has further added to my belief that people are mostly wicked little trolls.

It's not just today's teens. When I was in High School back in the good ol' 80's, most of my schoolmates were like this.  I had not yet realized my trans-ness, but I was a bookworm, nerd, and had a slender build.  Plus, some of my less masculine tendencies and preferences showed themselves even then.  High School was hell.  I had lots of Columbine-esque fantasies and occasional bouts of depression. What finally got me through was the realization that in just a few short years, I'd be out of there.  I also swore to myself that I would never ever treat people they way my schoolmates treated people. I swore I would never let myself become "like them".

The adult world is not without its difficulties, but High School was the singular most torturous time in my life.

There are lots of good teens out there (it's been my privilege to know many of them as I've gotten older), but there are an awful lot of them roaming the streets who happen to be psychopathic, feral animals.

The best advice I can give is this:  1. Show no fear. They thrive on fear.  2. Don't take it personally; they'll attack any prey that wanders by, whether trans or not. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  3. Don't escalate it and don't let them bait you. The saying that standing up to a bully will cause him to back down is bunk. If you confront a bully, he will just feel he needs to "prove himself" and will go on the attack...especially if he has his buddies around. This is the voice of experience talking. (I could go on such a rant about common anti-bullying advice, but I'll refrain.)  4.  Know where your routes of escape are just in case things go bad. Move calmly and casually, show as much confidence as you can muster, and politely leave the situation. (All of the above apply to female bullies, as well.)  5. Once you are safely away, if you believe criminal activity was involved or that a danger to the community exists, call the police and report the situation.

Afterwards, if you feel the need to cry, let it flow.  Don't feel like it is a sign of weakness or failure. There is nothing wrong with a good solid cry after an encounter like that.  If you have a sympathetic shoulder to cry on and a pint of chocolate Haagen-Dasz to share, even better.

Just my 2 cents.

[Morgan.]

That is disgusting how you were treated.  I've noticed that a large percentage of teens today are borderline sociopaths with no regard for humanity or the feelings and lives of others.  When idiots make comments like that, they're usually trying to impress.  What I'd like to impress upon them is a fist in the face, but what I'd like to impress upon you is that expending energy on a brainless sack of goo like that chic is a gross waste.  You didn't deserve that and this has further added to my belief that people are mostly wicked little trolls.

Couldn't agree more with this. Especially about them being total sociopaths. I'm only in my late teens myself, but (for the most part) I can never relate to anyone else my age. One of the reasons I left high school early. I get completely impatient with the close-minded bull->-bleeped-<- people can toss around, but I guess people of all ages are capable of this and I'll probably have the same disposition for a long time.

Sorry to hear that you had to experience that, Bird. People are horrible. I hope things graduate to being hassle-free when you go to the gym.

[MiaSakura]

To put it plain and simple; Kids are horrible and mean little creatures that just like to see people suffer.  I've had issues too. My breasts kinda show, and while presenting in male mood, some kids noticed I had breasts.  They laughed and giggled and motioned at it to their friends.  And this was at a HuHot restuarnt.  I was so embaressed and we got a table in the corner.  Needless to say, I hid there the rest of the time we were there.

Kids are so mean.

[Lallie]

Kids are mean because first, they're rebellious, and second, they honestly don't realize how much their words hurt. But most of them can feel shame, and eventually it leads them to be kinder. I believe attaining maturity is primarily a matter of learning empathy. It's got a remarkably tempering effect on hurtful behavior.

It doesn't erase the bad experience, Bird, but it does soothe the sting a bit, to remember that they behaved badly because of their shortcomings, not yours.

Lallie

[lilacwoman]

do the math to understand why teens do this abuse:    a teen whose 15th - or 16th/17th etc - birthday is today has had exactly 15/16/17 x 365 x ? number of exposures to transphobic brainwashing on television/films/comics/magazines.   
Get any other animal and subject it to the same amount of brainwashing/training and it will do exactly as trained. 
A dog or horse can be trained in a few hours so to expect a teenager not to be a well trained transphobe is unealistic - and annoying.

[Julie Marie]

I've lived in my house for 25 years.  Everyone in the neighborhood knows.

This kid who lives across the street, maybe 8-10 years old, would sing, "Dude looks like a lady" when I was out front.  He was always with a bunch of other kids, many teenagers, so I couldn't know for sure he was the one singing it.  Then one day I went out to check the mail.  The mailbox is across the street and there's a park right there.  This kid was in the park with two other kids, both older. 

After I got the mail I started walking back up my driveway and I again heard the kid sing.  I hesitated, thinking I would again ignore him but then I turned around while he was still singing.  Now I knew for sure it was him.

I walked back across the street and into the park.  I walked up to him and asked him why he was singing that song.  He tried to get out of it but I told him I knew it was him and I knew it was directed at me.  He got silent.  Then I asked him, "Is anyone ever mean to you?"

"Yes," he said.

"Do you like it when people are mean to you?"

"No."

"Then why are you mean to other people?  We aren't born mean.  Someone teaches us to be mean.  And that's why there are mean people in this world.  If we stop being mean, meanness will stop too."

He looked at me silently.  Then I asked his name.  "Mark." 

"Hi, I'm Julie." and held out my hand and we shook hands.

"It's nice to meet you Mark," I said.  Then I walked back to my house.

From that point on he never once sang that song but he did, many times, say "hi" when he saw me out front.  And so have his friends who were there that day.

[Jennifer]

Hi Bird,
Sorry to hear about your bad experience. I commend your actions with the first group. You gave them something to think about and learn from. Young people act that way by nature. They will learn by watching our actions:

"Do you like it when people are mean to you?"

"No."

"Then why are you mean to other people?  We aren't born mean.  Someone teaches us to be mean.  And that's why there are mean people in this world.  If we stop being mean, meanness will stop too."

He looked at me silently.  Then I asked his name.  "Mark." 

"Hi, I'm Julie." and held out my hand and we shook hands.

"It's nice to meet you Mark," I said.  Then I walked back to my house.

From that point on he never once sang that song but he did, many times, say "hi" when he saw me out front.  And so have his friends who were there that day.

This is so awesome. It takes courage to do that but in the long run it is so helpful to us all. Thanks Julie.

Jennifer