Having Issues.

[SparkeyScene]

To start this off I guess I'd better let you guys know I'm only 17 but I've felt 'wrong' - I guess - since I was about 10. It started off pretty mild, even like a curiosity, but now it tears me up pretty bad at times.

My parents are pretty 'closed-minded'. I wouldn't call them bigots or anything but I don't think they'd accept that their little girl actually wants to be their little boy. My Mum's always trying to get me to wear more girly clothes and everything and it's starting to get really frustrating to the point where I want to scream at her "I'm a guy inside!".

Add on to that the fact that I'm actually a gay FtM and you've got a mix that would make a very unhappy household. I really want my mums acceptance, she's the only one that really matters, but she's also the one most likely to disapprove.

My friends would probably be cool with it - although I've not actually 'come out' yet but I do bind publicly though none of them seem to notice which is a good thing - but im worried about the family. My stepdad's Mum's a social worker so they'll probably get her to 'evaluate my psychological state' if I told them.

If anyone's got any advice I'd really appreciate it .

Thanks in advance guys, Sparkey x.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Hai Sparkey. ^.^ Welcome to Susan's. We're the same age yay! I don't really know what to advise, lolz but I hope you stick around. =]

My parents are pretty 'closed-minded'. I wouldn't call them bigots or anything but I don't think they'd accept that their little girl actually wants to be their little boy.

Well Idk them, but patience Sparkey, it's a pretty difficult thing to accept. I would have trouble too.

I really want my mums acceptance, she's the only one that really matters

Why?

[SparkeyScene]

Hey, thanks for the speedy reply .

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna stick around, I've round so much more helpful stuff here than anyone else has been able to give me.

I know, it will take time, I'm just worried about her initial reaction. Mum's the only one that really matters because she's the only one that's always been there. My dad left when I was 6 - I still see him quite a lot but the first few years I barely saw him - and mum helped me through everything. I have a strong connection with my mum, even though we're not really that similar, because we've been through so much together.

Have you told your parents yet? How did they take it?

Thanks again.

[justmeinoz]

Welcome to Susan's. 
I take it you are still in High School, and probably in final year or close to it?  Once out of there things will be different. As regards your Mum, it's a hard one.  Good school results always made me more receptive to anything my kids wanted to discuss. Every parent want's to see their children do well in life, and that is the first step towards a rewarding career. 

When it comes time to open up it would probably help to stress that it is not something that is going to happen overnight. There are lots of different points along the Man-Woman continuum that you can find yourself comfortable at too. It's not all or nothing.  I doubt that it would be ethical for a relative to see you as a counsellor, but you could suggest that your mother talk to her instead and explain the facts of TS to her. That might be the price for you seeing a Gender Therapist .

My son is FtM, so it is a bit of a shock to the system no doubt of that, although having got used to the fact that he had already tried living as a lesbian for a couple of years helped me adjust.  My main reaction was one of relief that he had finally found an answer that would mean an end to any coping that didn't involve excessive drinking or self harm. I think he has had more of a shock than me actually the way things turned out! It was okay for him, but parents don't do that sort of thing.

Karen.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Um I'll tell you how it goes. >.< I have an idea of how it would go. I'm keeping quiet until I'm done with therapy.

[Heavenlywind]

Hi there Sparkey . Hope things are going ok for you . I have some advice for you, at least I understand the closed minded family part.  Your really young also, a 3rd year high school student? If you can wait,  one option is to wait until after you finish high school and if your going to college wait until you get accepted. Like justme said its totally different when your out of high school.  I took this route and I may have gotten kicked out, but at least I had a full year of college paid for .

I think  a lot of it depends mostly on your mothers personality. I don't think your mothers initial reaction will be great if she is closed minded. However who knows how she will react when you do tell her.  If she reacts negatively I would give her time to think things through. Perhaps give her some resources and what not to help her understand. Also you might want to reassure her that there is nothing wrong with you and that you will still be you. Also be prepared for the worst, I think if you are prepared for her initial reaction, you might be able to be calm when she reacts.  Generally people tend to lose all their judgement/rationality  when they are angry/sad etc. So its important you try to remain as calm as possible.

[Alexis R]

My parents are pretty 'closed-minded'. I wouldn't call them bigots or anything but I don't think they'd accept that their little girl actually wants to be their little boy. My Mum's always trying to get me to wear more girly clothes and everything and it's starting to get really frustrating to the point where I want to scream at her "I'm a guy inside!".

Add on to that the fact that I'm actually a gay FtM and you've got a mix that would make a very unhappy household. I really want my mums acceptance, she's the only one that really matters, but she's also the one most likely to disapprove.

Welcome to Susan's. There are some really cool and knowledgeable people here, so feel free to ask whatever you need to.

I thought the same thing about my mom. She seems to be perfectly okay with me becoming her daughter, but is adamant that I NOT be a lesbian.  In fact, the only time she brings religion into the mix (the usual rant against LGBT's) is when we discuss sexual orientation. Go figure.

The point, she surprised me with her reaction, as I expected her to throw me out when I was living with her. Your mom might surprise you, too.

Good luck.

[Felix]

All I can say is good luck. I've never been in your position. My family are also bigoted, but I think if I came out to my mom she'd be thrilled with it. She was also thrilled when I was homeless and doing drugs and sleeping with guys I hardly knew. She wanted me to be a rock star.

Please hang around. Whether they accept you or not, you'll need support. And we've all gone through the experience of someone or other trying to make us be more like the gender we're not.