I can't do it...

[Ribbons]

It's too awkward for me to talk about. I don't want to talk about my gender, and I get too embarrassed.  My family clearly senses I'm stressed about something but I refuse to talk about it.

I've made progress over the last few months, but still no potato. But me and my family were talking about trans-things today, so I tested the waters.

My grandmother seems somewhat excepting. She doesn't seem to mind transgendered people, doesn't think it's weird or anything, and keeps on saying how there's "nothing wrong with that". She went on to talk about a trans woman friend she knew, but she referred to her with male pronouns for whatever reason.

My grandfather seems accepting but his language is clearly ignorant. He says stuff like "he-she", "she-he", and whatnot.

My mom seems quite accepting, though she refers to people by their birth sex (she's corrected herself once or twice though; when talking about a MtF friend of hers). She thinks that people should be able to be whatever they want to be, gay people are born that way, yadda yadda. She doesn't seem to understand transsexuality much, 'doesn't get why people are transgendered.

...
I'm still too nervous to come out though.

We were talking about chest surgery and my mom asked if I wanted that, which I quickly replied "No" to. She asked if I would tell if I did, and I said "No"; for some reason that's my first thought.

:|

I'll just give it more time and either pop the "Can you buy me a binder?" question or talk to my mom about it on Facebook.  I have a 5 page essay I wrote a few weeks ago and several pages worth of info for them to look at too.

[Forever21Chic]

  Yeah coming out is probably the hardest step in one's transition. I remember when i was 19 feeling depressed as ->-bleeped-<- like everyday non-stop to the point my grandmother knew something was wrong and asked me what was wrong. I told her we needed to talk but in private so we did and i told her "umm.......i feel....like a girl grandma" she kinda laughed at me and smiled but then asked a bunch of questions etc.

You need to remember this is really hard for most people to understand and some of the people you come out to may or may not support your decision. For others like family it may take some time for them to come to grips with it.


  Best thing you can do is prepare yourself with information to give them and really think about what your gonna say. Being yourself and standing up for what makes you feel happy takes alot of courage but in the end it's worth it. I wish you the best of luck! 

[foot_lover_jess]

I couldnt and didnt come out to anyone until I was compleatly confident that I knew who I am.

How do _you_ feel about being trans internally? Are you unsure, or not happy about it?

The first I came out to, it was actually not that hard, only a bit worse than saying something like... Im goina shave my hard totally bald... if I always had long hair. The second, it was more of game almost. I just showed her a picture of me en femme and asked her is she knew the girl in the pic.

[JoanneB]

When we ourselves have difficult understanding and explaining who we are, just think how difficult or impossible it is for someone who is not trans. Sure they can knock off the PC responses via rote memorization but forget about any deep conversations. I think if you take a survey most of us "don't get being transgendered", we just know that we are and have a bit deeper understanding of the subject then the average person.

Fortunately for you the people that are important in your life are not hostile towards it. Your grandma and mom both know trans people. Those are huge pluses in your favor. Why you said no about top surgery; my guess is because that is the answer you thought she needed to hear from you. Been there, done that!  LOL

Coming out to the people you love and respect is probably the most difficult part of transition. There is such a fear of rejection, and on top of that knowing you have to explain yourself and likely answer of ton of questions. In other words baring your soul, leaving yourself totally open and vulnerable and hoping for the best. Even worse in your case since you are not out on your own and don't need to rely of them. From all you have said about your family I think things are working out well and will continue to do so.

[Constance]

I started my transition late in life, after about 21 years of marriage. I was 41 before I came out to my parents and brothers.

Coming out to my wife and kids was a cakewalk by comparison.

But as JoanneB pointed out, the fact that they aren't hostile to transpersons is a plus. Take your time, get comfortable with your identity.

[justmeinoz]

It is hard.  If you can learn as much as possible about the whole subject by reading, talking to your family's trans friend, and using the internet, you will know when you are ready. Don't stress about it, it will be easier than you think, once you are truly ready.

Karen.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Ribbons,

You are doing a fabulous job sorting through this whole thing. keep up the great work.

I agree 1000% yes; 1000%, with what has been said above. Just remember you have been given a key to your transgender lock.  Your Mum said,"my mom asked if I wanted that, which I quickly replied "No" to. She asked if I would tell if I did" Your Mum is waiting. So when you are ready, whenever, reminder her of that question, unlock the lock, and the rest will be history. You'll feel so released.

Just keep doing what you are doing. And please keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. It's important for your well being.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[mixie]

It is really great that both your mom and grandmother are familiar with transsexuals in their life.   The fact that your mother is asking about surgery is also a plus (unless she said it in a freaking out sort of way.)   Try not to put so much emphasis on "coming out" and work more on "getting out."  It kinda seems like from your response that they already know it so who are you coming out to?  Them or yourself?   Make sure you get the support you need for you in all this. That's the most important thing.