Welcome aboard, lots of interesting people and info here. Even a few laughs too. We are a pretty diverse bunch, and there are a lot of great guys here, who you will no doubt get to know in time.
Sounds like a case of "internalised transphobia", where your subconscious and consciousness were argueing. Quite common, along with "internalised homophobia". Give it time and you will work out where on the TG spectrum you are most comfortable. There is no right or wrong, just what works for you in your situation.
Karen.