New and Questioning

[rainyjun]

Hello all,

Been lurking around on the forums for a while, looking at answers to my own questions in people's posts, and decided to join as a member. This site seems to be a great resource for a lot of folks with a lot of good people.

I currently identify as genderqueer. I consider myself to be on the FTM spectrum somewhere (if it is a spectrum). I have been contemplating getting top surgery but am still really just coming to terms with what it is I'm feeling.

I didn't start questioning my gender identity until recently. I've always dreamed vaguely about being a boy, but didn't think it was possible, so I would just daydream about it all the time. I'm quite girly looking and didn't think it would ever be possible, so I just thought it would never happen for me. I've read about people who experienced GID from a very young age who fully medically transition, but I don't relate to that experience in the same way, so I never considered myself transgendered.

Got a binder as a gift earlier this year and my exploration sort of went from there.

Currently contemplating top surgery and saving up for it.

I live a lot in my head. I've always been a good kid and don't like to make waves, so I am kinda scared to tell a lot of people, especially family. Hope to learn a lot from everyone and to have interesting discussions. 

- Jun

[John1984]

Hey Jun. Welcome to the forums. I think I am in the same boat as you as far as being new to the whole scene. I to day dreamed for a long time and even live a double life. Online I portray myself as a female, and a male in real life for now. So your defently not alone. Hope we can talk more in the future.  -Ashley

[Devlyn]

Hi Jun, welcome to Susans! Always room for more friends here. Ask away, we enjoy a brisk discussion. See you around, hugs, Tracey

[stldrmgrl]

Hey Jun, welcome!  I understand the dislike in creating waves, but it's important to understand GID is not something bad nor intentionally hurtful to anyone.  But please, do not take my words as an indication that you must tell them at this moment; in due time of course, when you are ready

[skm4441]

Welcome aboard, Jun!  You're not the only one here who is contemplating the same thing... I recently joined the forum and am also contemplating on getting a top surgery... I am having same thoughts as you do... You are welcome to PM me anytime.   Otherwise, enjoy reading and posting on the forum, as I have so far!

[wavy gravy]

hi and welcome to

[rainyjun]

Thanks for the welcome, everyone. It's good to know I am not alone. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm making things more difficult for myself or going crazy.  Just going to take this as they come.

Think I need more posts before I can PM. Can't even see profiles at this point. 

[MarinaM]

Hi, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

[AVH]

Welcome Rainyjun

I totally understand the not wanting to make waves thing. A lot of us are/were like that. I'm a mtf, but I can identify with your situation. The biggest thing is just to be true to yourself. One thing you may have going that you haven't thought of is that slightly/overly feminine guys (emo, etc) and current clothing styles are quite popular. May or may not be your thing, just a thought. Might be a way to "ease in" to things publicly though.

[rainyjun]

@EmmaM Thanks for the welcome and resources! Been reading about many people's viewpoints and it's nice to know there isn't one "right" way of going about things. I don't want to go from one binary to another, because I don't think it's the right choice for me (but it could be life-saving for somebody else). But I learned that it doesn't make me any less legitimate.

@AVH I actually do enjoy more feminine/emo-ish/tomboy styles as a boy. I've been dressing that way lately when I'm out and about, with friends, and sometimes with family.

In some ways I have a lot of privilege being able to dress that way because the world sees me as a woman. If I don't pass, they'll just think "tomboy" or "lesbian." It is unfortunate that people assigned male at birth are in a lot more danger just for being themselves and presenting as female/feminine if they wish to.

[MarinaM]

Yeah, the binary kinda hurts my face. It is what it is. :/