New and Lost

[icarus]

Hi everyone,

I just need some advice from people who may have experienced the same issues as me - I'm physically male, but very feminine in appearance, always have been and puberty didn't alter that to a huge degree. I'm pretty sure I don't have Klinefelter Syndrome, but I've always had little to no musculature, large areola's, fine jaw line and to put it bluntly have frequently been mistaken as female.

My problem I guess is twofold - do I try to come to terms with my physicality despite years or feeling unhappy or has anyone gone down the testosterone route to hopefully strengthen their male characteristics, I'm not sure this is even possible to be honest?

I feel a traitor to the cause writing this, I wish I could learn to be happy with how I am, but I'm getting older (27) and fear more years feeling like this.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated..........thank-you

[Maya Zimmerman]

Oh, don't feel like a traitor because you are male and want to be recognized as male.  That's exactly how we all feel about our respective genders.  We just have different biological impediments than the ones you're facing.

You could perhaps see an endocrinologist, who could let you know if your hormones are not properly balanced for your gender, and if so, prescribe hormones or otherwise let you know how you could adjust your hormone levels to a normal balance.

[Kinkly]

I'd offer to swap bodies but since that isn't possible I suggest taking Maya's advice.
being seen as who we are is a big part of a lot of gender diverse peoples struggle just because you are wanting to be seen visibly as what your I.D. says you are and not something different doesn't mean you can't visit us here. we may be different but we have similar issues as well.

[Sevan]

Well...the FtM's may have some thoughts and suggestions as to how to be seen as more Male vs being IDed as female...

however I want to throw my two cents to this thread. I am on testosterone and while I am starting from a female body...I have seen a shift in my chin structure - musculature, not bone. My voice has shifted, my muscles are more male in structure and size. My fat deposits are more male...looking into even a short term of testosterone supplementation might not be terrible. Especially if your hormones aren't where they belong in the first place (as Maya said)

[runalan]

Loved reading your  post, icarus,  because we have much in common. Like you I am  more or less physically male, but with a feminine sort of body, late incomplete puberty, no body hair, small genitals, but I dont think I have any of the syndromes, and am frequently taken to be a girl. Other things we have in common is both being newbies here - I joined just a few weeks ago - and also same age-range.

I wouldnt venture to give advice - all I can do is just say briefly how I manage and you can compare.  I have come to terms with me as I am, and I wouldnt consider trying to alter myself with hormone treatments. Partly because who knows what side effects they may have  later, but also because I am an "eco freak", that is, I try to run my life as naturally as I can, and having artificial hormones jabbed into me is not natural.

Two other things, which are sort of advice.  First, spend time surfing round this site. I have, and am still doing it, and it has taught me a lot about myself.  Second, I have got myself  jobs, with the help of relatives,  which fit in with me as I am, farming and helping run a country pub, where people around me take me as I am without predjudicial hassle.

[icarus]

Genuinely, thank-you for all your replies, this is the first time I've acknowledged how I feel, and the kindness of your replies has really helped, thank-you.

Unfortunately my Testosterone levels are normal, on the one hand that's good I guess in that the pituitary's functioning properly, but on the other it would be much simpler if they were the root cause. Life never seems to be that simple does it, it is affecting me quite badly and I'm going to talk it over with my doctor though, not a conversation I'm looking forward to having, but maybe some form of counselling will help me work through it all.

A friend jokingly said once that it would probably be easier for me to become female than it would accentuate my maleness, not in terms of the process and hurdles, more how feminine I appear, but it just doesn't feel right for me. I don't think that's fear or denial, just the way it is.

I hope though that if it isn't possible to change myself physically (other than illegally obtaining T which I'm not so sure is such a great idea) that I can achieve your sense of ease runalan with how I appear. I live in London, a pretty cosmopolitan city, but still, feel very uncomfortable and after all these years feeling this way, I can't see that changing.

I'll definitely take your advice on board though and keep reading through the boards, already it's been a great help