How can you tell?

[crosley]

I've been doubting this kind of thing for a while now... So here we go ._. ...

How can you actually tell if you are transgendered and whatnot?
Like... What are some signs that lead you to know, how does your brain react etc..?


Thanks ahead of time!

[Lynn]

I don't think there was anything that really made me "realize" I am transgender. I've kind of always known I was, but have just repressed it all these years.

If anything, it was simply the lack of a will to keep my mask on. I wanted to finally be free and that's when I came out to everyone, including myself. But yeah ... I don't think there was any real realization for me that I was transgender because I have felt this way for as long as I can remember.

[Flan]

I wouldn't say as much I realized "being" trans as much as finally understanding myself (and happened to be trans).

[Kelly J. P.]

I realized I was trans when I found out what it was; it was a big "Aha!" moment. Now, I continued to doubt it somewhat, and occasionally still do, although to a much less serious degree. If you are really unsure, follow your heart. If you think you'd like to transition, then get started; if it isn't for you, you can always stop, and come away from it knowing better what or who you really are.

Go ahead; if you keep an open mind and a cautious hand, there isn't much of a way for it to end badly.

[Mahsa Tezani]

You just can tell.

If it feels right... do it.

[Mr. X]

I don't think there was anything that really made me "realize" I am transgender. I've kind of always known I was, but have just repressed it all these years.

If anything, it was simply the lack of a will to keep my mask on. I wanted to finally be free and that's when I came out to everyone, including myself. But yeah ... I don't think there was any real realization for me that I was transgender because I have felt this way for as long as I can remember.

Same 


-Xx

[crosley]

I think people experience things in different ways, so it's really hard to lay down a set of criteria - this + this + this = trans, etc - and I think it's a mistake to try and label what/who you are based on criteria derived from other people's experiences.  It's up to you entirely, in the end nobody can decide better than you what will make you happy.

That being said... the main thing for people is a sense of something being "off..." a disconnect between what you are supposed to have and do, and what you feel like you should have and do.  Me, a transman, I was made to sit with the girls and I was made to have long hair and I was given a girly name, and called 'she,' and found myself lacking certain parts and was eventually saddled with parts I didn't want or ask for.  I found all of that bizarre and inconvenient and hurtful.  It was like being dropped into an elaborate charade.  I knew I was supposed to be a girl, and yet all the girl stuff felt fake.  Then, alongside this, was for me the fact that as much as being a girl felt wrong, being a boy felt right.  It was always comfortable to call myself one, to be acknowledged as one, to think of myself inhabiting the body of one.  I just felt that way, and eventually I decided to go with it.  I don't regret that for a second.

It's confusing and frustrating because it seems like there's no good reason to feel this way.  But without your asking for it, the feeling is there, and it's deeply ingrained, and it doesn't go away, even when some people spend decades attempting to train themselves out of it.

I see what you mean... I've always had friends that were female and we always got along better. The guys always seem(ed) too rough and nasty imo. I've been doubting who I am for about 2 years though. Consider me a fence hopper? When I look back on my life I see lots of things that make my brain want to explode even more (out of confusion of course).  I just... donno anymore :/ 
It's kinda to the point where I want to rip the mirror out of my bathroom and just mope, but maybe that's something else doing that to my brain. Just.. over the past few years it has been getting worse and I can't really fit in with any of the guys anymore.

What would your honest opinion to do be? You seem like you know whats going on in the world.

[Cindy]

The best thing to do is talk to a professional therapist. You can explain you thoughts etc and your expectations and worries in a non-confrontational, non-emotional way (almost, I cried a lot the first time).

Gender ID is very complex and there is a very wide spectrum of thought of what people ID as. Nothing is wrong about how you ID. It is your life and you should be allowed to be able to live it.

Cindy

[crosley]

The best thing to do is talk to a professional therapist. You can explain you thoughts etc and your expectations and worries in a non-confrontational, non-emotional way (almost, I cried a lot the first time).

Gender ID is very complex and there is a very wide spectrum of thought of what people ID as. Nothing is wrong about how you ID. It is your life and you should be allowed to be able to live it.

Cindy

What if, per se, I don't feel comfortable telling a doctor this? I'm currently in college and still on my parents health care. Even if I could do such a thing-- is a special type of therapist required or..?  More info would be appreciated .

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,

I'm in Australia, and I presume you are in the USA, things are different in every country and from what I can gather in every state in the USA. Being in college is perfect. Most places have GLBTG group and most colleges are quite open to alternative life styles. The GLBTG groups often have contacts with therapists of all sorts, even those who are on campus. Young people having sexual/gender ID problems is very common at college and at Uni, so they tend to supply help free of charge. If you are uncomfortable with your family Doc that is fine, go to the college Doc and discuss it with him or her. Docs are trained, or at least should be trained to deal with a very large variety of gender issues. They are also confidential, by law.

It is very frightening going into this process, but the fear gets less the more you understand. Most people do not give a damn. I'm out and did so as a University Prof.  When I asked my family Dr, who knew me professionally and family wise for 20 plus years in getting help in getting a therapist for TG, he was totally cool about it. No problems, he was totally positive. I haven't had a negative reaction. Some people ignore me, but that's fine. I have more friends than ever before, and, I'm Happy.

So you tell your Dr or people that I'm concerned about being transgendered, is there a therapist I can see? In Australia all the therapists are psychologists, so they can prescribe treatment quickly, in the USA they can (I think) by psychologists who have to refer you to medically qualified people for treatment.

So First step. Don't be frightened. We are here for you. We know what it is like. There are people here who have been through everything.

Be confident, it is your life, you have control. no one else makes decisions for you. YOU make them.

The trip is long if you decide to take it. It can be very hard, emotionally, physically and personally. You may find your family rejects you. You may find friends reject you.  But the urge to be you can be overpowering.

I have no regrets. Well I do, I should have carried out my life plan earlier rather than fighting the demons.

I'm here whenever you wish to pm me.

Cindy