Hi all

[Rii]

I just found this board, and I think it's cool that there's actually a community for this. I've identified as androgynous for a couple years... Sometimes I have a hard time identifying as feminine (there was a point where I actually wondered whether I might be an ftm), sometimes I feel completely normal. Sometimes, like lately, I hover around the middle, which can be a pretty confusing place.
Of course, if I ever told my family that, they'd probably try to get me to go for counselling or something. They're very traditional and I don't think they could possibly understand how I feel even if I explained it. I'm not living at home right now, but it would be nice if I felt I could be more open with them.
I've never really understood the idea of behavioral expectations based on gender to begin with. There are so many negative stereotypes on both sides, and then there's the idea that you should only look for your 'soul mate' in the opposite gender, which doesn't make that much sense to me. People are supposed to look a certain way, act a certain way, think a certain way based solely on their physical sex. It makes things extra interesting for me because I don't tend to identify specifically as feminine while society thinks I should. And I generally don't identify as masculine either. The thing is, usually I'm OK with that, even if it's weird sometimes.
Well, that's enough about me. Haha, I never know how to end posts...

[ChildOfTheLight]

Welcome!

I just found this board, and I think it's cool that there's actually a community for this. I've identified as androgynous for a couple years... Sometimes I have a hard time identifying as feminine (there was a point where I actually wondered whether I might be an ftm), sometimes I feel completely normal. Sometimes, like lately, I hover around the middle, which can be a pretty confusing place.

That sounds a lot like me, except coming from the other side.  Once in a while, maybe every few months, I'll feel like I've lost whatever felt masculine about me in the past, and wonder if I'll end up as an MtF (not that there's anything wrong with that -- but it goes against so much that I've honestly felt about myself in the past.  Possibly by that very fact I have nothing to worry about.)  Sometimes I'll feel like I've lost whatever felt feminine about me, and I'll wonder if it was all some misguided fantasy, or a lie, or something worse.

The fact is, I like being, and dressing, and feeling masculine, and if I lost that forever, even if a genie were there to zap me into a female body and save me the pain of transitioning, I would have lost so much.  And I like being, and dressing, and feeling feminine -- and I like liking that -- and if I lost that forever, it would be very sad for me.

Ultimately, I like hovering around the middle, as you put it.  I like being an androgyne.  Having a sense of myself as simultaneously male and female feels right, more right than anything else ever has.

Of course, if I ever told my family that, they'd probably try to get me to go for counselling or something. They're very traditional and I don't think they could possibly understand how I feel even if I explained it. I'm not living at home right now, but it would be nice if I felt I could be more open with them.
I've never really understood the idea of behavioral expectations based on gender to begin with. There are so many negative stereotypes on both sides, and then there's the idea that you should only look for your 'soul mate' in the opposite gender, which doesn't make that much sense to me. People are supposed to look a certain way, act a certain way, think a certain way based solely on their physical sex. It makes things extra interesting for me because I don't tend to identify specifically as feminine while society thinks I should. And I generally don't identify as masculine either. The thing is, usually I'm OK with that, even if it's weird sometimes.
Well, that's enough about me. Haha, I never know how to end posts...

It does hurt not to be able to be open with your family.  My dad doesn't know I'm an androgyne, and he probably wouldn't understand.  He absolutely hates the fact that I wear skirts sometimes.  He says that anyone who's "mainstream", whatever that means, will at best ridicule and at worst beat me up for it, and refuses to listen to me when I tell him that my experience shows that people don't react that way.  My mom has a vague idea of my androgyny, I think, and accepts my desire to dress more femininely at times, even if she doesn't quite understand it.

I think my generation (I'm 20) is more open to the idea that males and females aren't really that different than people were in the past.  I'd attribute a lot of this to the fact that on a day-to-day basis, males and females dress much the same as each other -- you don't have all the guys in black suits and all the girls in lacy dresses.  (I'd probably choose to wear a lacy dress before I chose to wear a black suit, myself.  )

Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your thread.  But the point is, there are people out there like you.

[Casey]

Hi Rii, and welcome to Susan's. You're certainly around like-minded people here.

Sometimes I have a hard time identifying as feminine (there was a point where I actually wondered whether I might be an ftm), sometimes I feel completely normal. Sometimes, like lately, I hover around the middle, which can be a pretty confusing place.

It makes things extra interesting for me because I don't tend to identify specifically as feminine while society thinks I should. And I generally don't identify as masculine either. The thing is, usually I'm OK with that, even if it's weird sometimes.

A lot of androgynes (myself included) know exactly how you feel, even if we're "going the other way". Yeah, the middle can be a confusing place but I've found it to be a marvelously freeing place too, mostly because you CAN get away from how you're "supposed" to act.

Well, that's enough about me. Haha, I never know how to end posts...

It seems to me someone once said something like "when you come to the end of a thought, stop". that usually works.

I think my generation (I'm 20) is more open to the idea that males and females aren't really that different than people were in the past.  I'd attribute a lot of this to the fact that on a day-to-day basis, males and females dress much the same as each other -- you don't have all the guys in black suits and all the girls in lacy dresses.  (I'd probably choose to wear a lacy dress before I chose to wear a black suit, myself.  )

That may have something to do with it, but there were also things going on when my generation (I'm in my very late 30s) was growing up that my parents' generation was involved with, and we inherited things that affected them when they were growing up. I'm thinking primarily of the feminist movement in the '70s (when I was a kid) and the civil rights movement (when my parents were teenagers). My generation passed those on to your generation. It's a cascading effect from generation to generation. Your kids' generation will probably be more open to these things than even your generation, simply because they will have been raised with your values.

Off-topic: Oh my god, when did I get old enough that I can talk about a third generation as a reality and not just as a someday thing? 

[Shana A]

Welcome Rii, glad you've joined us.

(I'd probably choose to wear a lacy dress before I chose to wear a black suit, myself.

I'd definitely choose the lacy dress 

Off-topic: Oh my god, when did I get old enough that I can talk about a third generation as a reality and not just as a someday thing?

Oy I'm 51, guess I'm the old one here! I grew up with feminism and lefty politics in my household, it definitely shaped my own acceptance of self as androgyne, although it sure took me a while to figure it all out  Of course, I'm still figuring it all out... It's truly wonderful to see folks in their teens and twenties with deeper understanding and acceptance of gender issues. I think I knew who I was by the time I was in my late teens, but didn't have the context to express it. Well, better late than never 

zythyra

[Laurry]

Hi Rii!  Welcome...we're glad you're here.

Hooray for life in the middle!  Casey is right, it is a "marvelously freeing place".  There, we are free to act in whatever manner best meets our moods and the situation, be it manly, feminine or "just me", though it can be a little hard to explain to someone.

Add one more vote for the lacy dress, though there are times it is nice to dress up in a suit and tie and head out for a night on the town.

OMG, Zythyra, you are such a geezer-ette!  How do you get along in your dotterage?  LOL  I don't turn 51 until July, but if Casey is feeling bad about 3 generations, how must we feel considering 4 or 5 generations (and Grandkids or God-forbid Great-grandkids!)

I'm all depressed now...(or it could be senility)...
...Laurie

[Mia and Marq]

Hi Rii and welcome

Finding that balance in the middle can sometimes be very difficult. Remember that theres no rulebook for this sort of thing, you just need to go with it. You're going to feel how you feel, sometimes different from day to day or moment to moment. Don't try to convince yourself what you feel isn't right.

The other people in your life might want you to be one thing or another and generally they have a hard time accepting something in the middle, but as was stated, people are getting more openminded about that. Take it from me though, accepting yourself is the best gift you could ever give to yourself.

M&M