What's passability to you?

[Assoluta]

When I stopped seeing "him" when I looked in the mirror. I only need to "pass" to myself.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Passing for me is : having everyone you interact with see you as the gender you present without any doubts etc

for example a normal cis female will always pass as female no matter what ,even if she decides to wear male clothes or have short hair etc

on the other hand , I, even with make up ,female clothes etc will get wierd looks and will get misgendered occasionally, this proves that even if I pass sometimes im nowhere near cis female levels , thus im not passing as female.

for me passing is 100%, you either get misgendered or you dont, if you get misgendered ,even 1 out of 10, you do not pass cause an average cis female never, and let me repeat that, never gets misgendered.
If you get wierd looks (even if they arent frequent) people probably question your gender.
Blending in doesnt equal passing, people are too busy to judge us anyways...

Face the truth people...only a tiny percent of the mtf community passes 100% and congratz to them , the rest of us should accept the misery of getting misgendered etc and try our best to pass more.

Now if you dont care about passing etc, congratz to you too, you re probably living a happy life, one that me and others who desire to pass 100% cant have...so well done,really, im jealous.

[LordKAT]

Passing for me is : having everyone you interact with see you as the gender you present without any doubts etc

for example a normal cis female will always pass as female no matter what ,even if she decides to wear male clothes or have short hair etc



for me passing is 100%, you either get misgendered or you dont, if you get misgendered ,even 1 out of 10, you do not pass cause an average cis female never, and let me repeat that, never gets misgendered.

This is most definitely not true. More like everyone gets misgenderd at some point in their lives, some more than others.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

This is most definitely not true. More like everyone gets misgenderd at some point in their lives, some more than others.

Well, if you are androgynous or gender non conforming etc then maybe,,,
but I was talking about the average cis female  and the average cis male and they never get misgendered

I was living as a guy for 19 years, no one came even close to gendering me female, even when I had long hair...
same goes for cis girls,,,,
people see the truth ,the differences are too obvious...

Its simple , if you are cis you will have an easy time with your gender cause everyone will see you as what you are...if you are trans its goind to be difficult cause you will need to change soooo many things until you have changed enough...sometimes its even impossible, you know what I mean?

Some people are literally unable to pass no matter what and they need to find other coping mechanisms...

Come on...you cant tell me that everyone gets misgendered....you just cant...You make me feel bad ok?
I study in a university full of female students, only a madman would gender one of them male...

Cis people are made by nature and society to look either male or female  (note im referring to cis people only )
if they chose to present according to their birth gender then it is extremely obvious that they pass 100% as this gender...thats all im saying

[Jenna Marie]

In the past year, my wife has been misgendered once in person and twice on the phone. I have been once, and the woman was embarrassed when I turned around.  I know another tall cis woman who's muscular and sturdily built (and also has waist-length hair and 38DD breasts) who gets sirred quite often. Heck, I got mistaken for a girl a couple times a year long before transition, too, though everybody corrected themselves if they got a closer look.

Yeah, it happens to cis people too. Not that often usually, but a couple to a few times a year from distracted strangers = about the average for anybody, even cis people.

The difference seemed to be that anybody who then said "Uh, I'm not a guy/girl" got an apology and the mistaken person also corrected themselves; so the lesson I take from that is, if someone misgenders you, act like it WAS a mistake. Cis people don't usually get all upset about it, so the real trick is to act casually annoyed.

[Newgirl Dani]

For me passibility is centered entirely within rather than without, meaning the way I present myself, how I dress, degree of makeup is a slow progression of change due to hrt.  This allows me to always feel comfortable within myself so that I do not have to 'react' to others approval or disapproval (in the very beginning I dressed to female for my appearence/not in my own region)  I suppose this could almost be defined as a form of stealth because I believe for most people they are too self absorbed with their lives to notice very small changes.  Will there come a time when I am more concerned?  My guess is yes because I have not had that first experience of truely passing, when the other person without any hesitation treats you as female.  I think for me it will be when I choose to wear lipstick as this removes all doubt.  This must be a big moment, but as some have stated in this thread, I really not concerned.  Dani

[barbie]

Am I blending in well?
BTW, everybody knows who I am, and my name tag alone clearly shows my birth sex.



A few people commented that the skirt is too short, but most people commented positively.
And I had to use women's bathroom.

barbie~~

[Jill F]

This is most definitely not true. More like everyone gets misgenderd at some point in their lives, some more than others.

I have heard my cis wife get sir'd to her face more than once, and it happens over the phone to her almost as often as it does to me.

[TessaMarie]

I admit that I would not consider myself to be 'passing' as female unless I felt comfortable that I was being seen as female by 100% of people, 100% of the time.  Given that 'perfectionism is a sure cure for happiness', even thinking about aiming for this level of perfection is a good guarantee that I would get plenty of misery, self-doubt, self-loathing, and other emotional pain.

To me it's looking in the mirror and liking what I see.

This is something realistic that I can aim for !   In fact, this describes how I now feel on most days.  Once I feel good about being me, then why care what others might think or say about how I look ?

For me passibility is centered entirely within rather than without, meaning the way I present myself, how I dress, degree of makeup is a slow progression of change due to hrt.  This allows me to always feel comfortable within myself so that I do not have to 'react' to others approval or disapproval (in the very beginning I dressed too female for my appearence/not in my own region)  I suppose this could almost be defined as a form of stealth because I believe for most people they are too self absorbed with their lives to notice very small changes.  Will there come a time when I am more concerned?  My guess is yes because I have not had that first experience of truly passing, when the other person without any hesitation treats you as female.  I think for me it will be when I choose to wear lipstick as this removes all doubt.  This must be a big moment, but as some have stated in this thread, I really not concerned.  Dani

This describes how I have been approaching my transition.  I also tried to present in a manner more female than I felt very early on.  That was very uncomfortable for me, and quickly stopped.  I have been gradually altering my wardrobe & appearance since early last year.  Most people do not notice any changes.  Some who only see me every few months do, many don't.  As Dani says, most people are way too preoccupied by their own lives to pay that much attention to me. 

I seem to have managed to become passable as a person who is comfortable with who they are, which is something that was beyond me for a very long time.  I do not yet seem to be quite as comfortable with who I am as Barbie is, but I am much better than I was.   

Thank you for posting your pics Barbie.  As always, I take heart from your inspiration.

Be well,

Tessa

[stephaniec]

so when  did the chimpanzee start to pass as a human. society needs to evolve so this pass /fail  concept can finally be put to rest .all I want is freedom without discrimination.

[ImagineKate]

I agree with "there's a spectrum" and it applies to both cis and trans.

Passing is also not just about appearance. It's about mannerisms, voice and other cues.

[Allyda]

First I should say I'm very confident in my core identity and my femininity. I'm seen as just another girl or woman when I go out. I haven't been misgendered in 6 years with the exception of over the phone until I found my voice. Truth is, I leave my home with or without makeup without "passing" on my mind. I worry more about if it's going to rain today, or do I have enough money to get what I need, or how well my vehicle is running, have I got all my bills paid, are the cats fed, if I'm headed for a job do I have enough tools with me, do I need anything not on my list, etc., etc., etc., etc -just living life day to day as any other woman does doing her daily tasks.

Believe me if I wasn't "passing" where I live here in rural northwest central Florida I'd know it, and it could even be dangerous for me. I do consider myself lucky in that I don't really do anything special, or work hard to be seen by others as the girl woman I am and who I've always been. Yes, for my first 6 months of going full time I worried about passing, but that soon faded as time went by with no problems.

So what is "passing" to me? First of all I very much dislike the term used in this context. But for the sake of argument, passing for me is being seen as the girl/woman I've always been. Being seen as just another girl/woman getting through her day, and being seen as just another girl/woman with the same wants and desires as any other. Passing to me is just being me; no one special, just another girl doing her thing. IMHO that is.

Ally

[Sydney_NYC]

To me passing is when you feel comfortable and natural with your gender and everyone else sees you the same way. (Wether they know your trans or not.) This is why I prefer the term blending than passing. Being gendered correctly or incorrectly isn't the final all or be all that determining this. I've reached the point now where it's not about wether I'm passing today or not, it's more of does this top go with this pant. Or if my hair isn't cooperating with me today. Basically just girl problems and human issues.

I've been with with cis-women that were gender incorrectly in their face and then the same person turns around to me and gender me correctly. To be fair my friend that this happened to is soft butch to tom boyish lesbian, with short hair, but looks very feminine.(Here is a picture of her, with permission.) Her voice is definitely a lot more feminine than mine too. She didn't even notice it happened to her and it's happened a few times before. She doesn't care as it happens to everyone at some point.

[kelly_aus]

Means I don't think about it any more.. Honestly, I'm way too busy living and enjoying life to wonder what people are thinking - besides, it's not something I have any control over..

[BreezyB]

Am I blending in well?
BTW, everybody knows who I am, and my name tag alone clearly shows my birth sex.



A few people commented that the skirt is too short, but most people commented positively.
And I had to use women's bathroom.

barbie~~

I think your blending in Barbie, you look great I might add also. I would agree I think the skirt is a little too short but otherwise your dressed appropriately for the occasion.

And I think that's the key to blending in.