regret

[emostache69]

has anyone here transitioned and at one point regret it
and why were do you think you regretted it?

[Anon]

Definitely not.

I only feel anger/sadness towards those who refuse to comprehend my medical reasons for doing so.

[beyondlabels]

I know that has happened to some people. It may be for different reasons. I think some people can't get out of their heads the label of gender that they have lived with for many years. I also think many people are very androgynous and is not an easy decision for them. I don't think gender is a dichotomous classification, I believe we are all ambiguous to some extent, some much more than others.
Here there's a site I found about a MTF that regret his transition. It may be interesting to read although I personally think is full of misconceptions, prejudicces and talks about scientific studies omitting important parts to understand their sense.

http://www.sexchangeregret.com/

This man basically thinks transsexuality is a delusion. I still don't understand if he thinks it's always a delusion or just most of the times.

[emostache69]

thanks... i'm really just wondering
i havn't really done much of anything in transitioning yet cause i still live with my non-accepting parents
and they keep telling me that everyone regrets it in the end and i completely disagree with that but i just wanted to know if they're right or not

[lilacwoman]

official statistics from gender clinics and surgeons is that regretters are about 3/4/5/6/7/8/9%.   
The studies are skewed to MtF as they can easily grow/buy breasts and have good bottom surgery while FtMs obviously can't have it so easy and get a good result so while some 'men' who regret seem to do so because they miss the penis sex and the privileges of male life - and therefore aren't TS - its hard to know if 'women' who get a penis actually realise they hate the things and want them chopped off again as so far none seemed to have been written up by the experts.

Seems with MtFs the surgery halts the hormone surges that bring on the feeling of being TS. 

[Nygeel]

I'm not regretting my transition exactly. I just think it really really sucks how much my health has changed and that my expectations (although at first I deemed them to be within reason) were too high. Although, this is specifically about transitioning via hormones.

[Da Monkey]

I find myself feeling the same way. I never regret it just I definitely had a different picture of what I was going to look like post t and post op but my standards were actually too unrealistic. Basically hormones and surgery won't solve all your problems. And I've realized now that while it still feels like I have dysphoria I really think I am finally like everyone other cis male or female. .. meaning we all have things about ourselves that we like, don't like, and things we expected better or worse for ourselves. I was just waiting for surgery and hormones to work on me instead of trying to work on myself on my own too.

[Miniar]

I consider myself transitioned and I'm feeling better today about myself, my body, my whole life to be honest, than I ever did before.
If I lived in yer region I'd offer to come over and sit down and have a calm conversation with your folks about transsexuality and transition and so on and try and help 'em.
Non-acceptance from parents often has it's roots in fears regarding their child and the feeling that somehow they've been lied to or that they're being betrayed and sometimes time and increased knowledge and understanding is enough to fix this, but sometimes it isn't.

Maybe there's a trans-group 'round that has accepting parents tied to it that can talk to yours?
(Sometimes I think we need a "families & friends of Transgender people" association in every region of the world so people can meet and talk about their fears and concerns and learn from other people's experiences. Our transition and in fact even just our gender issues in and of themselves can be really really rough on the people in our lives.)

[emostache69]

I consider myself transitioned and I'm feeling better today about myself, my body, my whole life to be honest, than I ever did before.
If I lived in yer region I'd offer to come over and sit down and have a calm conversation with your folks about transsexuality and transition and so on and try and help 'em.
Non-acceptance from parents often has it's roots in fears regarding their child and the feeling that somehow they've been lied to or that they're being betrayed and sometimes time and increased knowledge and understanding is enough to fix this, but sometimes it isn't.

Maybe there's a trans-group 'round that has accepting parents tied to it that can talk to yours?
(Sometimes I think we need a "families & friends of Transgender people" association in every region of the world so people can meet and talk about their fears and concerns and learn from other people's experiences. Our transition and in fact even just our gender issues in and of themselves can be really really rough on the people in our lives.)

thanks for the advice, i'll deffinatly have to look into it, but currently my mom is going to therapy and blaming it on me, my step dad doesn't talk about it, my step bro is accepting though, and my dad doesn't know. not telling my dad yet cause i'm sure he'll react the worst and i don't want him to force full custody of me to "change my ways".

[Natkat]

thanks... i'm really just wondering
i havn't really done much of anything in transitioning yet cause i still live with my non-accepting parents
and they keep telling me that everyone regrets it in the end and i completely disagree with that but i just wanted to know if they're right or not

it sound like my parrents, my mom told me something simular that people do so will chance there mind and turn misserable for the rest of there life.
it sounds more of a denyal than fact since many transexuals claim to be way more happy after trandition than before.

I will say sure there are caises, I dont know so much about it because I never meet a person who regrat trandition, and the people I read about didnt seam to have the only person I read about said he didnt feel like a women and yet he tranditioned.. ?

I think people who regret are trying to hard.
ex if you think the only way to be a man / woman is to do all the surgery and be 100% woman/man likely, when theres surgery pont you actually dont want to have or way you act you actually didnt like to chance..

if you get my point,
for me trandition isnt only a point in being man or women but being happy with yourself and accept yourself for who you are and not what people want you to be. its sorta hard and even in the trans comunety there are prejugdes of people, so its never a easy point to trandition.

[BlonT]

Dear emostache69 ,
There is only one thing you need to answer , WHY do YOU want to transform.
If its because you think woman have a easier life ? then no  dont
If its because as a woman you get more friends   ? then no dont

If its because you feel better as the opposite          ? then yes  do
If its your happy living the opposite                        ? then yes  do

Regret is only if it dint bring what you expected of it !
I guess thats why most parents are so against much, it change what THE expect.

[Nygeel]

Dear emostache69 ,
There is only one thing you need to answer , WHY do YOU want to transform.
If its because you think woman have a easier life ? then no  dont
If its because as a woman you get more friends   ? then no dont

If its because you feel better as the opposite          ? then yes  do
If its your happy living the opposite                        ? then yes  do

Regret is only if it dint bring what you expected of it !
I guess thats why most parents are so against much, it change what THE expect.

You're in the FTM section.

[emostache69]

Dear emostache69 ,
There is only one thing you need to answer , WHY do YOU want to transform.
If its because you think woman have a easier life ? then no  dont
If its because as a woman you get more friends   ? then no dont

If its because you feel better as the opposite          ? then yes  do
If its your happy living the opposite                        ? then yes  do

Regret is only if it dint bring what you expected of it !
I guess thats why most parents are so against much, it change what THE expect.

thanks for the advice but um... i'm ftm not mtf

[Ayden]

I haven't even began my transition yet. I am still learning to be okay with being Ayden and not Erin. I don't think that when I do transition I will regret anything. I want so badly to me. But I can say that I do worry that my relationship with my Dad will suffer, if not cease to exist. He's the only parent I have, and I think if I lose him because of who I am, I will regret that loss.

The important thing, I think, is to reflect on yourself. Identity is very personal, and it does take a lot of time reflection on oneself to understand that it's okay. It's not a race, it's a personal journey.

My grandpa used to tell me that I should sleep on my worries. He said that sometimes, our minds can work things out without us ever realizing it. One day you can just wake up know exactly what to do. While I don't recommend just ignoring your problems or not thinking about them, I do think there is some merit to allowing yourself time.

[JohnAlex]

Not many people regret transitioning because it's such a long process that you usually know for sure by the time you get done.

but if you have any doubt about transition, then don't.  No reason to push yourself.  Only transition if you know for sure it's what you want.  and you will know in time and by experimenting.

[Nygeel]

Not many people regret transitioning because it's such a long process that you usually know for sure by the time you get done.

but if you have any doubt about transition, then don't.  No reason to push yourself.  Only transition if you know for sure it's what you want.  and you will know in time and by experimenting.

I sort of disagree with this. I transitioned as much as I could without hormones and wasn't sure if I wanted more. I thought about it for 6 years and was still unsure but figured that I would either be stuck in the same position or take hormones and maybe go forward. I really researched everything I could, and eventually started hormones. I knew what could happen, I just didn't know which things would happen the most/fastest.

[Sharky]

I don't think it's a good idea to permanently alter your body if you aren't 100% sure you want the results.

[Natkat]

I sorta agree, know a gender queer who got beard, and I complimented her because I where so jelous but she wasnt happy about it because she didnt knew if she wanted it or not..

I must say, stuff like that and surgery you should be pretty sure,
but even if your not fully sure there still steps you can take,
well in a way you might experiment alittle in life to find out what you like and not.
you could try present more maculine or femenine, or wear some other clothes you like who not nessesarry for your gender by yourself,
see if it makes your feel better or worse..

all those things who are kinda harmless..

[Darrin Scott]

I sorta agree, know a gender queer who got beard, and I complimented her because I where so jelous but she wasnt happy about it because she didnt knew if she wanted it or not..

I must say, stuff like that and surgery you should be pretty sure,
but even if your not fully sure there still steps you can take,
well in a way you might experiment alittle in life to find out what you like and not.
you could try present more maculine or femenine, or wear some other clothes you like who not nessesarry for your gender by yourself,
see if it makes your feel better or worse..

all those things who are kinda harmless..

Agreed. If you're unsure, speak to a therapist and try presenting more masculine or simple things like binding etc before making the jump. It should help steer you in the right direction.

[emostache69]

thanks for all the comments guys
i have just posted this out of curiosity and to end the argument w/my parents
i personally over the corse of 3 years have moved into wearing guy cloths to the point where i wanna squirm if i'm wearing anything with a woman's label on it.
i was going to a therapist but my parents pulled me out cause they didn't want the therapist supporting my decision, however she said that if i had continued for a few more sessions she would have diagnosed me w/ GID.
also, i cross dress at every oppertunity i get and i when i do my friends support me and adress me by my prefered name and pronouns.
so i know what i wanna do, i was just wondering if i should look out for warning signs of regret although i doubt i will have any.