I realized I'd forgotten to answer the second question...whoops.
Anyway, the way I bring it up is to just...bring it up. I'm a fairly blunt, literal-minded person, so I like to set boundaries and let my partner know what works and what doesn't. I have chronic pain problems, so communication before sex is crucial, or else I end up feeling like crap for a few days.
One way to sort of get the conversation rolling is to ask about fantasies. Ask your partner to describe theirs, and ask about details (where, with what, how hard, what texture, what should your hands/mouth be up to, etc.). Then make sure they do the same for you, and describe what you like, what you think about doing, what you don't like, and what you've never tried but are curious about. By the end of it you'll both have a good idea of how the other works, and hey presto, you're both ready to go.