Okay, so. I've been lurking... a lot. I admit it, I'm a lurker. I have posted some, but not really a lot, i.e. not even 15 yet! But for me, this is a bit of a sensitive topic. I figured out later in my life (I.E. 26) who I was, I don't bind on a regular basis (though my breast tissue has broken down thanks to ALWAYS wearing sports bras), and I don't pack. I am going to buy a binder this weekend, which makes me extremly happy and excited, but, up until last night, I had never bound at all. Now I understand how the rest of you feel, not that I didn't before, but I didn't. Not when it came to the... "oh my god I have to bind" sort of feeling, which always led me to the, what if I'm not trans enough to be trans? o0
Anyway, now I know, because when I sat down in my car, (after my craptastic binding... I used two ace bandages on 34 DDD breasts... so didn't look good!) with the small ammount of binding I did yesterday, I just had to cry. I looked down and I didn't see the moobs, I saw a guy, I could litterally see my crotch (and thanks to the sock I stuffed with... my cock too). It was just. This overwhelming sense of, 'this is what is missing, this is who I am, why didn't my body understand this, this is so right; just hit me and I sat there in my car and cried for a good 10 min before I was able to go to work.
Now, this isn't really the reason of my post, but I just, I really had to let it out or I thought I just might scream. I want to bind again, even though the ace bandages tore my skin to shreds where it touched without the bra on. I want to bind again so badly that I feel this urge to do it right now and I'm sitting home alone. I have always hated my breasts, always. Sat and cried with a knife held against one because I just wanted rid of 'em so badly. I never really understood why until I took a step back and analized why I always presented myself as male online, why I always roleplay male characters, why I always think of myself in the male context, and why I absloutly hated being married to a hetro man and being pregnant (the absloute worst 9 months of my life).
I'm getting off topic again, I just wanted to post pics. Oi. This is what happens when I'm allowed to ramble...
<-- side view before binding with only my sports bra
<-- Front view... I did a horrid job binding, they were lopsided and too high up I think, but I consider it a good try for a first time.
<-- Side view after binding
<-- with my 'costume' on... I didn't think it looked too bad with the hoodie on over everything.
<-- and just me being realy bored... heh.
