My world came crashing down today........

[jessicas37]

Most of you could care less about this but i have no friends, no one to talk too.

About two weeks ago my wife was going through one of her depression cycles and this one seemed alot worse. For the past 7 years we have been together she would go about 6 months or

so than start sleeping all the time/crying/bad thoughts. So we would go see her DR and he would adjust/change meds. and
all would go good for another 6 months. This time i had to actually place her in a hospital to care for her as she was having alot harder time. Take into account that end of june is when i had my break down and told her EVERYTHING. She took it rather well and even took me shoping and acted like she supported me. We had a family session with my therapist and i was given

letter to begin HRT(legally-i had been on and off for 1.5yrs). It's was a wonderful day and i was starting to feel this might actually work. They dont even make words to describe the

happiness i felt. Later in sept as i would broach the subject of SRS she would tell me she was not a lesbian and did not feel comforatable with it. Then one day in mid October she came to

me and told me "If you get rid of the computer stores - then i will support you in this". I have 5(soon 2) computer repair shops in 3 states. Theses were always a source of argument for us

as they make very little money anymore with the economy and keep dragging our personal income into the equation. I agreeded, we kissed and i was elated. I went that night and contacted

DR Pichet in Thailand(i had been reviewing surgeons for a LONG time) and sent him the $6500 deposit for Surgery on July 2nd 2012. I was the happiest girl in the world nothing could touch

me until last night. Seeing as how she is in the hospital their is limited contact with outside she can call when she has a free second for a minute or two but i cannot call her. Visting hours

are Wednesday 7pm - 830pm and sunday 7pm-830pm. So last night she calls and tells me "We need time apart you are the reason for my problems and i do not want to be around you."

then she hung up. As you can imagine i was distraught to say in the least. I called her sister whom just answered phone and said "What do you want you ->-bleeped-<-ing freak." I told her i wanted

to know what was going on i didnt understand and she replied "What if _____ came home and told you she wanted dick! You destroyed her life, and will burn in hell".

The "friends" i thought i had have all abaondaned me. My own mother is taking her side....

Sorry for wasting your time i just needed to vent.

[stldrmgrl]

I am sorry to hear this.  There are so many perfect lines I could tell you to try and make sense of it all and to reassure you it'll be okay - but I know at a time like this, those are the last things you want to hear, therefore I will limit my reply (sort of).

First of all, don't apologize for posting this and I do care, we are here to support each other.  Secondly, you can do a million things throughout your life trying to please other people, and in the end still look at yourself and realize you're not happy.  I understand you love your wife, but self-happiness is at the top of priorities.  Those happy feelings you felt prior to this are what matter most.

As per your wife's sister, don't even worry about the comments she made, she has no place or control in your marriage.  These people only have power over you because you allow them to get to you (with the exception of your wife) - don't view it as taking sides, view it as their loss if they are not happy with who you truly are.

As for your wife, you need to remember she's also hurting simply due to the depression, so don't assume what she says is what she truly means; it could simply be her emotions at the time coupled with the peer pressure of others.  You and your wife are the ONLY ones who need to discuss your marriage/relationship issues, it is not the business of anyone else.  Take care of her for now, and have a discussion with her later when she's in a better state of mind and doesn't have the opinion of others to influence her words.

Hang in there, don't give up and worry about you and your wife only!  PM me if you need someone to talk to further, and never apologize for sharing your mind and asking for a shoulder

[Devlyn]

Sorry, hon, you are having a bad day. We're here for you, and we do care. Hugs, Tracey

[annette]

I know it doesn't sound very helpfull but that's often the price we have to pay for transition.
Losing evrything what's worthfull in your life and start from the scratch again.
It's painfull, I know, i've been there, did it and get the tshirt but I also know that a strong woman climbs up out of the hole where others put her.

It seems that the only one you can rely on now is yourself, so leep faith in yourself.
Don't feel guilty just because you are showing your true self.
If others can't live with that, it will be so.
You have to live with yourself, and when should she be happy? right, when you are unhappy playing the role that don't fits you.
Sorry, for your experience

[inna]

Sorry babe, words do not express the sorrow you are experiencing, and to tell you "I do know" doesn't ease any of the pain. We take this pain, our hearts bruise, and souls weep, but we go on! Those who love us shall came back, those whose love was just a comfortable association shall vanish into the abyss of lost. Truth is the only way babe! But it costs dearly, pain is indescribable but at the end wholesome and necessary to grow and become empty of life time of pretense.
So wipe your tears, sit back, take a deep breath and don't apologize to anyone for being YOU! Celebrate afresh, a new life, a new beginning, for once you shall look upon this place with your own eyes.
We are here as your sisters and brothers, you are NOT alone

All my love, Inna

[pretty]

That sounds like a tough situation... my thoughts go out to your wife.

[jessicas37]

Well the saga continues

In an attempt to save my marriage i made an appointment to see a physcologist to talk with. After 30 minutes of telling her my story and everything involved. She proceeded to tell me

that some men have these feelings and it is due to natural estrogen dominence in the system and a simple testosterone regiment along with therapy will make these thoughts go away.

This sounds like total BS to me as she kept throwing religion at me and quoting Leveticus?? I have felt this way since my earliest possible memories and instead of helping me deal with

my pressing problems she acted like i had a disease that could be cured. I hope this isnt a new trend I just want to be me. I have lost everything in the world now the people who are

supposed to help me are turning against me. Sometimes i wonder if true happieness will ever be achieved.

[stldrmgrl]

My therapist told me back in the 1970's this same "fix" was thrown at gay men.  They attempted to suggest that a simple change in hormones (as they thought gay men had too much estrogen) would cure them of their homosexuality.  My therapist said they wound up doing a study on this, giving gay men testosterone injections.  The end result was nothing more than hornier gay men.

The psychologist you're speaking of is full of it.

[BlonT]

Live is not easy , even if your *normal* (mmm dit i ever see a normal person ? )
Feel lucky that we got this group so you have people to talk to ,in the darker days you could talk to the cow
Yeah family brrr  calling you a freak ,always wondered if you where as rich as micheal was,the call you freak lol.
Wish you strength and a long and happy womans life

[annette]

That's clear, it is not a therapist who knows something about transsexual issues.
I think you must run away from this therapist as fast as you can on high heels and find another one who knows where he or she is talking about.

But, I don't want to sound negative, if the fact is that your wife don't want to live with a woman and you're a woman, than there is no therapist who could do something about that.
Let's face it, if living with a woman is unnatural for your wife and living as a man is unnatural for you....one of the both will be very, very unhappy if you stay together.

Just my two cts thought

Annette

[furlock]

The simplest answer is to reflect the truth, there is nothing bad about you, its understanding the truth.

The truth will set you free in more than one way if it helps reflect the lie you were living and concentrate on the truth of who you really are.

Be the woman you are and be honest, if it is shown in the light of who you are then the happier you will be and the people around you will see it and be amazed.

Jesus amazed people by showing the light, you can show that same light.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Mandy,

Not quite the time to say anything; as it's all been said in threads above me. Just wanted to let you know, we do care. I just wanted to weigh in and tell you I do care. You are loved and appreciated by many here.

What has been said before is just sooooo true. You need to ditch the psychologist  -  FAST!!! (he/she is totally nuts and shouldn't be practicing). Concentrate on your own wellbeing  -  FIRST and foremost  -  then your wife; then anyone else who proves to be significant.

Once your 'wheels' are back on, you can assist others to get theirs back on, but you can't do it for them. They must do it for themselves.

Thinking of you. Be safe, well and try to be happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[Diane Elizabeth]

Hi Mandy,  I can't really say much other than I care for you.  Others have pretty much said all that can be said.  I can relate somewhat to what you are going thru.  My ex has mental problems and her Dr had her convinced that it was everyone elses fault, not hers.  So she was taking it out on the kids as well as myself.  I did get a divorce from her.  she got my daughter and I got my son.  Short story is that she can't take care of herself anymore and is in assisted living.  My daughter is messed up because of her and she blames me beccause I divorced from her mother.  My son, on the other hand, turned out great.  I recently came out to him and he said I should do what I needed to do to be happy.  His fiance told him that I am still who I am despite any changes I go thru.  I don't know if any of that helps you or not.  But, regardless, you are loved and accepted by many.

Dee