Questioning what it means to be male-female? I'm confused. Help please!

[caramelbook]

Hi

I'm new and I want to ask some people who have gone through the change their motivations. I'm not sure what I am, but I have some questions.

When you want to transition, why? I've read a lot that people feel 'trapped in the wrong body' - does this mean it's a question of physicality; seeing/feeling yourself? How does your body actually affect you?

Another thing that's been eating at me is; do people want to become the cultural image of a gender, rather than something deeper? When someone born male wants to transition to female, what does he actually want? Does he want to be what our culture defines as 'female'? Does he want to look at his body and see/feel breasts/vagina instead of his own parts?

For people who have transitioned; what is it about your new gender-identity that fulfills you? What specific facets?

Please understand that I'm confused myself and I'm trying to understand what it means to transition and what gender identity encompasses, and your insight might help me better understand myself. Thankyou!

P.S there are so many sections I don't really know where this is 'appropriate'. sorry if it should be in another area!

[BlonT]

ITs simple ,
         : people feel 'trapped in the wrong body' :  say it all, doesn't it ?

         : How does your body actually affect you?: In more ways then you think ! Not only what you feel ,but also how you are    expected to act like ! the world famous stereotypes.

[El]

Lol well you certainly have opened a kettle of fish there!

There is no simple answer, the range of transgendered people is huge and what is right or applicable to one trans person may not be completely the same as any other trans person.

Generally transgendered people feel some degree of "wrongness" with the physical or social aspects of their gender. It can range from people who feel they were born male instead of female by mistake to the more "gender-queer" people who feel they cannot fit with the binary system of male-female and feel that they fit more inbetween or even gender-less.

Many trans people wish to completely overhaul their body with a high occurance of wanting genital surgery or breast surgery. other trans people feel the need to have facial surgery to help them a) pass better as their true gender or b) to help their own inner feelings of their body not matching what they feel it should. There are however many trans people who feel surgery is not the right option for them, its completely down to the person.

Some people elect to start hormone treatment for their dysphoria, for many it is pre-curser to surgery but there are trans people who can get rid of their dysphoria with just the hormones and a lifestyle change.

At the end of the day there are as many types of trans people as there are cis-gendered people and if you feel like you may be trans the best advice is to talk to specialist who can help you pick the right path for you. They will be able to recommend treatment, offer emotional support and possibly put you in contact with other trans people.

I hope ive helped, feel free to send me a message if you need to know anything specific. Ill be happy to help as best i can!

[Eve of chaos]

for me its all about how the world perceives me.

I want to be treated as a female in every aspect of my life, so I want my body to align with this feeling.

my dysphoria comes from me not being able to project the image I want. so that's what transition is doing for me.

I'm aligning my body with the way I think and feel so I can better express my true self to the outside world. it brings me great joy to be perceived as female. and that's the very basic core of it.

I don't feel discomfort in a physical sense. like if you were to lay in an awkward position for too long. but a mental sense like if you were trying to fit in at a party where you truly don't belong and never wanted to go to in the first place.

that's how it is for me anyway.

[Sibila]

Hi

I'm new and I want to ask some people who have gone through the change their motivations. I'm not sure what I am, but I have some questions.

When you want to transition, why? I've read a lot that people feel 'trapped in the wrong body' - does this mean it's a question of physicality; seeing/feeling yourself? How does your body actually affect you?

Another thing that's been eating at me is; do people want to become the cultural image of a gender, rather than something deeper? When someone born male wants to transition to female, what does he actually want? Does he want to be what our culture defines as 'female'? Does he want to look at his body and see/feel breasts/vagina instead of his own parts?

For people who have transitioned; what is it about your new gender-identity that fulfills you? What specific facets?

Please understand that I'm confused myself and I'm trying to understand what it means to transition and what gender identity encompasses, and your insight might help me better understand myself. Thankyou!

P.S there are so many sections I don't really know where this is 'appropriate'. sorry if it should be in another area!

Very good questions...

Here is how I experienced it.... I had to unravel my sense of self from my self image.

Sense of self:
How you feel, how your soul feels, who you are apart from the physical/social/cultural world

self image:
The body, what you see in the mirror, how others react when they meet you etc.

Those two are opposite of eachother and in a large degree still are.
For instance my sense of Self is 100% woman but my self image very often still is
masculine... (because of conditioning). When I look in the mirror I still see a boy often. (self image).
While others keep telling me they can't see it.

As to why I transitioned...for every possible reason, social, psychological, physical, love... etc.
Because "I" is an important part in every sentence.

If there is no self, there is no one there to do anything.

Reason for transitioning: Life!

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Caramelbook,

You've certainly asked some soul searching questions here. All good ones. Let me just give you my own personal perspective on them.

"When you want to transition, why?"
So my physical body is in 'sync' with my mind and soul. It's like driving a car with only 3 wheels. It's difficult to control and it won't operate to full capacity.

"I've read a lot that people feel 'trapped in the wrong body'" -
I'm different. I've never subscribed to that theory. I've always believed my ovaries and vagina prolapsed at birth and are now exposed externally. GCS will correct that failure (to a degree)

"does this mean it's a question of physicality; seeing/feeling yourself?"
Yes !! Two thirds of my being currently, and have since I was 4 YO, agreed that I'm a woman. My body doesn't agree, by the way it currently presents itself to society. Something has to change, and I don't see the mind and soul changing any time soon.

"How does your body actually affect you?"
It creates a substantial conflict with my thought processes and impairs those processes constantly. My mind definitely works in a feminine aspect. The way I think, move, perceive, react and feel are all aligned to the way a genetic woman would operate. However, because society sees and therefore perceives me as male, I'm expected to operate in that realm. Major conflict. Solution? For every event, situation, decision to be made/handled; stop and ask myself;  how would a male, husband, father react to this event. Over the years I've studied several of my male mentors and keep accurate details of their reactions to various events/situation. Tiresome/life sapping? ABSOLUTELY!!! Time it stopped. Time that last third of my being needs to come into 'sync', so I can start living a life instead of reacting to a whole heap  of scenarios.

"do people want to become the cultural image of a gender, rather than something deeper?"
For me, it's something deeper. It's having the entire being in total unison. All parts being in one accord, all on the same page, singing the one song. Only then can you truly function as you were destined to be. The car needs, was designed to operate on 4 wheels; not 3. Sure it still goes, but not as a car should.

"When someone born male wants to transition to female, what does he actually want?"
Not sure! We're all different. I myself want to be in total unison with my mind and soul. As I've previously eluded to.

"Does he want to be what our culture defines as 'female'?"
To fulfil my role as I've always perceived it, as a woman. Yes!!

"Does he want to look at his body and see/feel breasts/vagina instead of his own parts?"
Yes!!

"For people who have transitioned; what is it about your new gender-identity that fulfills you? What specific facets?"
---  TBA ----       Hang around a while and I'll answer that when the time comes. Although I know most of the answers now, because my brain gender already knows. There's just a few minor adjustment that have to be made once I'm fully functional. After driving that 3 wheeled car for a while, once you put the 4th wheel on, you'll have to adjust your driving style a little.

"Please understand that I'm confused myself"   (not uncommon at all. very much part of the transitioning territory   "and I'm trying to understand what it means to transition and what gender identity encompasses,"       Somewhere deep inside of you, there is going to be your feminine persona. She probably has been there for quite some time. It's probably due to some changes in your body chemistry that has altered your overall self perception; thus creating the plethora of questions and new sensations. I, personally found, by identifying these "thoughts/sensations"; as truly feminine, then validating and affirming their existence by giving the entity a name; did I really start to move forward in a positive and effective way. I was surprised to find what a dominant, compassionate and sensual woman, Catherine is.    Didn't happen over night.  It's taken a while.   Some professionals in society have tried to derail the process, but Catherine has always pervailed.    "and your insight might help me better understand myself. Thankyou!"       I hope my perspective has helped in some way. Indeed it's an honour and privilege.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[Maya Zimmerman]

I think a lot of the issues brought up here vary quite a lot from individual to individual and are extremely important to consider on a personal level when considering how to transition or if one should at all.  To speak of my own experience, my feeling that my gender was incorrect as a child was entirely sociological.  I wanted to do girly things and mimic feminine fashion, to some extent.  I can't say whether I was inclined to androgynous modes (not quite male or female) of my own volition or whether my parents' disapproval of female behavior led me to the most acceptable in my gender role, but that's how I was as a kid.  Once puberty hit, everything about being physically male started really bothering me.  I remember my parents buying me shaving cream and a razor and I ran upstairs, crying, hating that I'd have to shave the facial hair I'd grow.  So, that's when it started being a physical discomfort with my body.  In my late teenage years, I embraced the concept of reincarnation and kind of just accepted that I had a female soul and just happened to get born male this time and considered surgery, if I could ever be independent, without knowledge of other forms of transition.

So, effectively, my being at odds with my gender were in regards to my social role, physical body, and spiritual self in different time periods, all overlapping as the new developments came about.  To me, surgery is extremely important, but also likely impossible because of my financial situation.  In addition to considering what would be best for us as regards transition, we must consider what we have the means to achieve.  I'm going to work hard in order to hopefully be able to afford surgery one day, but I must also recognize and begin to cope with the possibility that I'll always have this problem with my body.

[Chloe]

Caramel - sounds like you ARE writing a "BOOK" ! Couldn't pick a betterplace to do "research", there's certainly plenty to READ here!

[Maya Zimmerman]

Caramel - sounds like you ARE writing a "BOOK" ! Couldn't pick a betterplace to do "research", there's certainly plenty to READ here!

I sincerely hope that's not the case.  It would be pretty terrible for a person to pretend they're questioning their gender to deceptively attempt to get insight into our pain for research purposes by asking us to share it with them.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I was some feminine gay guy who saw my chance to transition and went for it.

I was fine being a man or female. But I like female much better.

Especially since the gay community has really upped the "no femmes" policy. I wasn't prepared to lift weights and be a jock.