When Did You Know?

[spacerace]

I thought it be interesting to hear when other people knew they wanted to transition. Was it immediate, no going back, or did you come around to it gradually?

[MaxAloysius]

For me the slow part was coming to terms with it myself. For many years I would jokingly say 'I wish I was a guy so I could be gay', and laugh it up with my friends while I wondered exactly why saying that had made my stomach flip-flop all over the place. One night when I was sixteen though I was talking to a friend and it came up again. I'd pushed that little scratch at the back of my brain down for years, and finally I kinda chuckled to myself and went 'let's go see if this is actually possible! What a stupid idea though!' and in about the space of an hour my mind was blown.

It was like rebirth. Everything in the world suddenly made sense to me, like a light switch being turned on in my brain. It was full-steam forward after that, no going back.

[beyondlabels]

I have a similar story. I have seen myself all my life as a  sort of a male spectrum female. With time, as I liberated myself from the  barriers that society creates since we are children, my masculinity seemed to cross the line. I had always wanted to wear male underwear, but I didn't do it untill this year and I am 30. I wasn't brave enough. Now I see myself wanting to look male in all senses, I rememeber how all my life I have found weird my female name and pronouns. I realized I wasn't going to learn to like my body as I had proposed to do. I realized I would always hate the female features of my body. And all this together is too much for me to consider myself female.
Why Was I confused? Basically because I am attracted to men and I didn't miss a penis. So I tried to convince myself I didn't like my body because female body was always associated to feminine behaviour and I am very masculine but deep inside me I must like it. Now I know it's not true. Now I feel it's not a penis what makes someone male, because I feel male, my identity is far from being female and I am not dying to have a penis.

[Natkat]

I feel its kinda funny when cis-men claim to know what a real man is, I mean how can they know whats a real man is when they dont even know the diffrence on men and women.
I sorta felt transpeople should be the people to know these..
--
anyway..

found out when I where around 12,
I had a kinda hard time, been in love with a girl who didnt like be back as she didnt was a lesbian,
and felt more and more sad in my body, and so + I had turned from a child to a teen which mean out of sudden the gender expectiation where 100% worse than as a youngster.

I found out about the transstuff from the net seached something about "girl wanting to be boy" something after reading some magasins on my school about intersex,
people and so on, and then I came arcoss this ftm and listen to interviuws and so on, and it seamed to fit me so well,
before that my mom said I just was a lesbian, or some people said it where because I wasnt use to grew up as a women since I had been pretty tomboyish as small,

but these teams didnt fit me so well, I remember I found it pertty logical because "oh well lesbians can be maculine as well, and like girls (I where in love with a girl then) but then I came to mind like "but there still girls.."

I fought very hard to be a boy, and had a suporting friend who knew my secret without bulling me,
but sadly it where very hard and alot of ->-bleeped-<- to turn up, I got very depressed and almost commited suicide, as I came out to my mom about it,
she showed me alittle more trans stuff as a documentary came up, and again that where like me,

however, as I got to notice these things I also notice about hate crimes and people getting killed,
I thought it where only in the movie, "boys dont cry" but I got kinda scared when It wasnt so abnormal to happent and got very scared to take the dession, however I felt since I already had tried to commite suicide I didnt really had anything to lose, maybe I got killed, but then I had at least tried to be happy, or I could stay safe but misserable,

so kinda how it all worked out I guess I had a pretty hard time growing up, but I am happy I am still young and had the chance to trandition while I still at a young age..

[Kreuzfidel]

I was 5 when I first realised my body was wrong.  Starting school, I didn't know why I was being herded in with the girls and when one of my guy friends showed us his willy, I knew I didn't have one and felt deformed.  I was about 10 or so when I learned what "sex changes", as they were called, were.  I wanted one from then on.

[Dominick_81]

I remember when I was in pre-school and I used to play "macgyver" with this kid. He would be "macgyver" and I would be the girl that he saves, and back then I can remember I wasn't comfortable playing the female role. I wanted to be "macgyver" and save the girl.  I didn't realize then that something wasn't right. I just went along with my gender role as a female. When I was a little bit older, like 10, 11, me and my friend wanted to be boys. When we got our haircuts, we got the "tail" in the back that was popular with the boys in the early 90's. We were happy when someone called us sir or young gentlemen. She grow out of it, but I never did. I just put myself in denial. But when one of my friends asked me if I wanted to be a boy I told her, "it was just a fays." I didn't want anyone to know I wanted to be a boy, for fear of being picked on, which I was when people knew I wanted to be a boy. They would always call me a boy, and at the time I didn't like it b/c I had put myself in a deep denial that I wasn't a boy and I wanted so badly to fit into my gender role as a female.

[emostache69]

when i was about 6 i actually thought i was a boy until i hit puberty, lol
and at about 11 i found out about transgender, but i thought it was only a biological thing (like you had to be born w/half male half female cells) but i was very envious of them because i wanted the choice to be a boy
and then at 12 i found out that it was something that you could actually change w/hormones and surgery and i was ecstatic and i desperatly wanted to do it
i kept my feelings to myself as i did research (started research at 11) for about 4 years until i came out to pplz

[Anon]

I always knew I was a boy.. I don't know how to explain it, I was just completely sure.
I remember being about 2 playing with my toys, and casually told my mom that I wanted to be a boy and to have a boy's name (my name is unisex but whatev), and she told me that I couldn't be a boy because I was a girl for forever. I told the same thing to other close family friends/family members with similar - largely negative - reactions.
I just let it go around people who knew me as "a girl", but for my whole life whenever I met someone knew and my mom wasn't around, I introduced myself as a boy.
When I was 12 I met a guy at work who someone told me "used to be a girl", and as soon as they said that it was like being hit in the face with a board. I knew whatever that meant you had to do, I was gonna do it.. no matter what one day I was going to be "used to be a girl", even though I was never a girl.

[Morgan.]

When I began primary school (kindergarten) I refused to go to school wearing the female uniform. My mum brought the anti-discrimination board of NSW to my school and fought for my right to be able to wear the male uniform throughout my years there, and the argument was that I was showing early signs of Gender Identity Disorder (ding ding ding..) I wore that uniform until the day I left.

I also used to ask my Mum to call me by a different male name every day, told her that I felt male, that I didn't feel comfortable in my body.. used to blow out the birthday candles wishing I would wake up the next day in a "boy's body". I've never really felt female at all. I played with pirate ships and Action Man when I was a little kid.

I've always known, I guess!

[Sharky]

I always wanted to. I was stoked when I found out you could legally do it. I was 13 then.

[driven]

I have seen myself all my life as a sort of a male spectrum female.

I love that description. I've always known I was different from the "other" girls, but also didn't fit in with the lesbians. I wish I'd thought to label myself a "male spectrum female" back then so they'd stop insisting I had to like women.

I didn't know FTM transition was possible until about 8 months ago, at age 36. I randomly stumbled on some guy's blog with top surgery pics and my jaw just dropped. "Holy &*%^...I can do that?!"

[Darrin Scott]

I have seen myself all my life as a  sort of a male spectrum female.

This.

Sure, I had some of the "signs" or whatever growing up. Trying to pee standing up as a toddler. Always playing boy roles in games rather than girl. Making my mom buy me power ranger underwear for school etc, but "FTM" didn't hit me until 25. And no, I did NOT always identify as male because I didn't know you could with a female body. I don't think it really matters at what age you identify as trans* or what age you "knew". For me, the most important thing is knowing now.....

[iraq_lobster]

I think I was 9 or something.