Starting to doubt I am FTM...

[cynthialee]

As everything I could have said in response to this post has already been said by someone else, I thought I'd just take a moment to appreciate all of the fine men and women on this board. There's been no pushing or shoving of beliefs onto someone else, and there certainly hasn't been any press-ganging onto the trans train, which the community always seems to be being accused of.

It seems like you're all just lovely people! So glad I found Susans... <3

Well the last thing we need is anouther bad transition in the press.
Besides if we can support those who are just confussed temporarily alongside the trans folks we have been a service to the comunity.

One thing we have to keep in mind that not everyone who thinks about transition is trans, and that is ok. It is perfectly normal and human to have issues along lifes path. When we help those who are not trans that come close to it, we help the greater comunity.
At any rate our original poster will always be part of the trans family as she has been down this road with us for part of her lifes journey.

[Jeatyn]

Just wanted to echo what most others have said, take as much time as you need to discover yourself....and don't feel like you now owe the people around you a transition.

I also wanted to say I don't understand why the media and various "haters" portrays these support forums as full of people goading others in to transition. Personally I think if you can be happy without transitioning then that's awesome. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[Ayden]

To echo MaxAloysius, I want to say that I am also glad I found Susan's. It seems that no matter what the issues we face, and whether we are trans, guys, gals, questioning or whatever, there is a sense of community.

The acceptance that everyone has given here on this thread is really touching. Thanks for being awesome and giving Nick support!

[Jasper]

Nick, I have to say I'm really glad that you've delved a bit more into who you are. And like pretty much everyone else said already, don't stick too many labels on yourself. Just be you.    No one here is ever going to force you to transition, and if you're happier sticking with who you are right now than you think you would be if you transition, then by all means just stick with what you've got!
Your brothers and sisters and in-between siblings here all have your back, whatever you decide.
Before I ramble on too much, I'll just leave it at that.

[nickm1492]

ALL of you guys are SO incredible and amazing and I can't thank any of you enough. There is so much to learn and you guys help so much along the way. This site is truly a blessing.

[Kreuzfidel]

Believe it or not, it's good that you're questioning and exploring yourself.  Self-testing is just as crucial as therapy and being 100% certain about who or what you are or are not is not necessary.  As others have said, the gender-spectrum is vast and not everyone can be labeled. You should never pressure yourself or let anyone else push you into making a decision about something as personal as your identity.  If you are having serious doubts, I would put transitioning on hold.  Even HRT can have health impacts, not to mention physical manifestations, that can cause emotional damage later on for individuals who made a rash decision to transition before they really should have.  Others may disagree, but I do not believe that any medical procedure, including HRT, should be a part of self-testing.  You may find in a few years that you change your mind again and are ready to transition or you may not.  That's ok.  From what I've seen, you are young enough to have plenty of time to explore.

[nickm1492]

Believe it or not, it's good that you're questioning and exploring yourself.  Self-testing is just as crucial as therapy and being 100% certain about who or what you are or are not is not necessary.  As others have said, the gender-spectrum is vast and not everyone can be labeled. You should never pressure yourself or let anyone else push you into making a decision about something as personal as your identity.  If you are having serious doubts, I would put transitioning on hold.  Even HRT can have health impacts, not to mention physical manifestations, that can cause emotional damage later on for individuals who made a rash decision to transition before they really should have.  Others may disagree, but I do not believe that any medical procedure, including HRT, should be a part of self-testing.  You may find in a few years that you change your mind again and are ready to transition or you may not.  That's ok.  From what I've seen, you are young enough to have plenty of time to explore.

Pretty much! It was always something in the back of my mind and I did try to live as a male. I didn't have a binder or anything but my fiancee was basically using male pronouns/names. And it just wasn't sticking. But at least I have people to help me and try and see how to deal with things. T definitely worried me too. My grandmother barely survived months ago when she got blood clots and apparently that's passed on so yeah. I think I read that T can cause blood clots. I really don't want to put myself in that kind of danger. I'm glad doctors don't just give T out. It would obvioiusly be a big mistake.

[Morgan.]

It seems like everyone's really taken the words out of my mouth on this one!

No matter what you choose to pursue in terms of getting to feel at peace with yourself Nick, I wish you all the best.

[insideontheoutside]

Everyone has already had such great replies.

I can echo how important it is to really just be yourself - if you aren't 100% sure who that self is yet, that's perfectly fine too. It's fine to experiment to find out what feels right for you and what works for you.

Honestly I always felt that no one is actually 100% male or 100% female. But everyone is certainly unique. While labels might help some people feel like they belong more, they may be downright detrimental to others (I'm one of those ones that doesn't like labels).

[Lee]

It doesn't look like there's much I can add, but I wanted to say that I'm glad you found yourself. 

[bojangles]

Nobody else can be you. That's why you're here. Good luck!

[Darrin Scott]

I only skimmed through the replies, but I echo what everyone is saying. Only you can say what you are, not anyone else. Also, be aware that trans* is a spectrum and not an absolute. You don't HAVE to be male or female. You could be both or neither or anything in between. That's something to keep in mind, too.

[supremecatoverlord]

You don't need to transition completely. I have a question for you though. You say you hate being referred to as "he", so do you like being referred to as "she"? If so, why? I only ask this because some people prefer to be referred to without gender neutral pronouns, but lean to towards identifying as more masculine or feminine. I'm just curious.