Do I have a reason to be worried?

[Guantanamera]

This is a copy of an e-mail exchange from between me and my therapist. After having talked to a few a of my friends (also in counseling.) I was told that these were pretty common concerns/questions to ask.
We've only had a few sessions thus far (~3-4) so I don't quite know how to read him yet.

What do you ladies think? Was I being rude here? Did I do something to offend him? Is he going to drop me?

"Guantanamera,
Lets plan on meeting this week. I want to discuss some concerns that I have regarding the type of therapy that you require.
Give me a call so we can see what times are open to meet.
Thanks,
Therapist Guy

>>> Guantanamera11/14/2011 07:12 PM >>>
After having reflected on our session I have a couple of questions. I understand that your technology is compromised, and I know that you have some paperwork that needs filling out, so I won't be offended if you don't get to these right away.


Would it be possible for your schedule to move our sessions up to bi-weekly? I'm super excited to be moving ahead, so I'm frustrated at what I feel is a sort of snails pace we're currently moving at. (Or maybe I'm just impatient.)


Further, you mentioned that you keep notes on our sessions. Would it be possible for us to review these notes together? I'm interested in observations or thoughts that you might have about me or our sessions. Besides, I think sharing these notes would serve to foster an atmosphere of openness and facilitate communication. However, if you feel that these notes are confidential or unimportant to our purpose I would defer to your discretion.


Finally, you told me that I should let you know if I believe that we're moving in an unproductive or unimportant area. I don't believe that my personal relationships with my family or my childhood are at all important to the purpose of our sessions. I'm seeking counseling for reasons that are internal not external to my being. Again, if you feel that these topics are relevant to our purpose or are important for you to get to know me, I'll trust in your discretion."

[Metroland]

I think that you are a great client and your questions are valid.  I am not a therapist, but I have been to many and I think that wanting to have an open relationship with your therapist is extremely beneficial for you and for him.  I am not sure how your therapist will take it though because it is an uncommon request and if he is not very confident with his work he might feel a little uneasy.

But I'd say go for it.

[Torn1990]

you pay for the sessions therefore they should go how you want them to and you should be able to focus on what you want to.
No worries, you're in the right.

[Julo]

The situation is different in the US than in Sweden but I guess we share a lot of the same structures in the relationships to our therapists. I think you are being polite and careful. If your therapist is professional I cannot see why your questions would be of any problem.

[Re: Joyce]

Let the therapist keep his notes on your sessions to himself.  Yes, it is your session, but seeing his notes may at some point seem affect what you tell him or guide what you say.  His ideas may even seem threatening at some point.  I have some formal education in Psychology and this is a very sensitive area. 

      Asking about your family and your relationship to them can help him better understand you.  You want to "get to the meat of it" and this is part of the process.  It's probably not necessary to spend a month on them, but it does need to be touched on from time to time.

      It is good that you are thinking and contributing to the process.  It is natural and normal for you to feel like it's going too slow at times.  It is vitally important that you "bare your soul" to him and are not hindered in the things you say or the topics you cover.  He will ask questions and let you do your thing.  There will be times that you don't like the questions, so expect that this will happen.

[Alicia]

Your childhood and present family relationships are relevant. They establish context for what is now internal.

I wouldn't be concerned about his request to meet to determine type of therapy. We all run into situations where we're not quite sure of which way to go and need more information to make an informed decision.

[AndromedaVox]

I am not speaking as a therapist, but I am training to be a counselor so a few things in response to your post:

The notes are simply for him to record his observations of you and the content of what you are saying so that he will be better able to formulate questions and lead you into talking about things that would be helpful for you to delve into. It may actually be harmful to your progress to look at the notes. For example, if he wrote "she keeps her legs crossed and arms folded, probably still guarded"you may get self conscious of that behavior and consciously try to stop doing it, when you shouldn't be self-conscious, because the point of physical cues is so that the therapist can read them to infer your comfort level, among other things.

Also, the discussion about your external, familial relationships is all "part of the process". Usually in an intake, basic family information is collected right away, because believe it or not, it always has an affect (whether positive or negative) on internal processes. Talking about your past and external relationships will be beneficial for your progress in therapy, even though they can be hard issues to talk about.

I think its great that you seem so open with your therapist and willing to ask him questions! Good luck 🙂

[Guantanamera]

Update:

We met today, and he basically told me flat out that he wasn't certified to deal with my kind of crazy. (GID)

This is pretty much the worst thing that could have happened as a result of this meeting.
It seemed like everything about this counselor was spot on: He was free, located on campus, and we had great personal chemistry.

No I have to find another therapist whom I can see, but I don't think I will find anything commensurate with him. I don't have any transportation, and I have class all day this semester and next. Which means that I might have to rearrange my schedule (but the size of my department makes that very hard.)  or continually miss classes to make my appointments. Further, I'm currently unemployed so I don't know how in the hell I'm going to pay for these sessions, on top of the HRT.  And I doubt that I'll find another therapist which I will connect to on a personal basis like my previous one. (We both are NPR nerds.)

I have no idea what I'm going to do, and I can feel my body getting more and more masculine everyday.
This whole debacle makes me want to give up on transitioning entirely, if I'm going to struggle even affording appointments how am I ever going to afford all of the other things which are necessary to make a transition. (Wardrobe, food, hair/makeup. Not even to mention the surgeries that I require.

Are there any other economically disadvantage girls on the board?

[Alicia]

I also have no transportation. I do have a job, but I only make enough to cover rent and food, and not much beyond (and $0 of debt, btw).

[MsDazzler]

Update:

We met today, and he basically told me flat out that he wasn't certified to deal with my kind of crazy. (GID)

This is pretty much the worst thing that could have happened as a result of this meeting.
It seemed like everything about this counselor was spot on: He was free, located on campus, and we had great personal chemistry.

No I have to find another therapist whom I can see, but I don't think I will find anything commensurate with him. I don't have any transportation, and I have class all day this semester and next. Which means that I might have to rearrange my schedule (but the size of my department makes that very hard.)  or continually miss classes to make my appointments. Further, I'm currently unemployed so I don't know how in the hell I'm going to pay for these sessions, on top of the HRT.  And I doubt that I'll find another therapist which I will connect to on a personal basis like my previous one. (We both are NPR nerds.)

I have no idea what I'm going to do, and I can feel my body getting more and more masculine everyday.
This whole debacle makes me want to give up on transitioning entirely, if I'm going to struggle even affording appointments how am I ever going to afford all of the other things which are necessary to make a transition. (Wardrobe, food, hair/makeup. Not even to mention the surgeries that I require.

Are there any other economically disadvantage girls on the board?

I understand how you feel totally - but everything will happen when it is supposed to. Some people delay transitioning for years for different reasons (family, finances such as you, etc) but I believe Fate has a reason for making such things happen. I had my reasons for delaying my transtiion. You are facing roadblocks now - don't let them discourage you. Keep your eyes focused on the goal, not the roadblocks in the way of the goal - always!

[Re: Joyce]

This is great advice.  When faced with great adversity, as we all are on occasion in our lives, it's vitally important to not focus on what we cannot do.  There will always be obstacles that stand between us and our goals.

      Look for anything and everything that you CAN do.  If you can accomplish some little thing on a given day, perhaps you can find some other little thing on another day.  Over time, these little things do add up.

      If you cannot do anything toward your transition, perhaps it is meant for you to concentrate on your studies and getting that degree that will enable you to earn the money you need later to do it right when you are ready.

      This may be a time where the degree is the primary goal and the transition is secondary.  We cannot always have all the things we want right when we want them.  The things we value most are those for which we paid the greatest price.  Price does not always equate with money, either.

       There was a time when I stood squarely in your shoes.  My degree has been an invaluable tool that helped me transition when my time was right.

        I know that there are those who have seen me do this and thought to themselves that I did it far too easily.  The road to success can often look like a duck on the water:  The duck may seem to be floating easily, but below the surface they are paddling like mad....

[Guantanamera]

      If you cannot do anything toward your transition, perhaps it is meant for you to concentrate on your studies and getting that degree that will enable you to earn the money you need later to do it right when you are ready.

...I'm a humanities major. Things aren't going to be any easier for me until after I receive a doctorate/graduate degree.

That would mean that I would have to push back my transition to my 30's.

But wait! After that I'll have to start paying back my student loans. And on top of that, my body would be significantly more masculine than it is now, reducing the likelihood that I would even transition successfully.

[Torn1990]

...I'm a humanities major. Things aren't going to be any easier for me until after I receive a doctorate/graduate degree.

That would mean that I would have to push back my transition to my 30's.

But wait! After that I'll have to start paying back my student loans. And on top of that, my body would be significantly more masculine than it is now, reducing the likelihood that I would even transition successfully.

where abouts do you live?
if there is a lgbt center around where you live i bet you they wouldn't charge you much at all and even possibly free since your a student.
look into it!
college campuses are always a hit and miss.. is there even an lgbt group at your campus? you might be able to ask them.

[Guantanamera]

where abouts do you live?
if there is a lgbt center around where you live i bet you they wouldn't charge you much at all and even possibly free since your a student.
look into it!
college campuses are always a hit and miss.. is there even an lgbt group at your campus? you might be able to ask them.

I live in 'great' state of Utah, mormons and jello galore!

I plan to call the local pride center on Monday. My therapist passed along the number of the person who's in charge of their outpatient therapy coordination program thingy. He told me that that a large number of therapists (in the general population that is.) use a sliding fee scale, so that might be a possibility. But he warned me against being too optimistic because he is under the impression that gender identity counseling is a pretty specialized subfield (that's ostensibly the reason he won't treat me.) and that either a lot of therapists in this state will charge more for that service or their practices aren't large enough to use a fee scale. In either case, I only made 6k last year so even if they do have a fee scale there is no guarantee that I will even be able to pay that.

Surprisingly, my school is a magnet for the community abouts here. The only other school here in the same grade is run by the mormons, so it's pretty much the only choice. We have a pretty active lbgt group, and the school even advertises itself as a haven, so I'm fairly shocked that they don't have a counselor (Or the counselor wouldn't have the impetus qq.) that handles gender identity issues.

Does anyone know about the prevalence of sliding fee scales? How cheap is the lowest rung on the scale?