I have 99 problems!

[soulsteal]

Okay, I need some help from someone who knows what I am going through, and I think that that would be you guys/girls.

First let me explain my past. I ever sense I was 8 i liked wearing my sisters panties, to the point of going to school and getting in trouble. I played all the girl games with all of the other girls. I have always wished I was a girl and just keep it at that. but I never really acted on it.

Here lately I told myself that if I felt this way I don't need to keep hiding it because then it could never be addressed in a public or private setting. But i have fears.
fears:
1. i am overweight and don't know if i will look like a good girl
2. if i do what i want to do and i don't look good or at least fell good about myself, everyone will know and i will never be able to do anything i like without being an outcast.
3. I have had sexual attraction to females, however only as a female and i have had sexual atraxtion to men as a female.( this scares me because i am attracted to the female body but as a girl so...?)

but i fill that i know deep inside i want to be a girl with all of my heart and cannot just let that go away!

I really want to know what you think, have you ever thought about, what if i dont make a good girl?, or the ever scarier question what if everyone knows and will never treat you the same?

please help, thanks

[stldrmgrl]

Transition is a gamble for every single one of us.  We're all dealt the cards and some of us come out with the better hand.  Knowing the possible consequences of transitioning before beginning is extremely important.  Friends and family may decide to exclude themselves from your life, others may treat you differently while others may actually come closer.  You either accept the risks and do what needs to be done to make yourself whole and happy, or you choose to live in fear and face the possibility of regret.  And sure, you may regret transitioning - but if I must regret something, it'll be something I did rather than something I didn't.  It's your call.

As for looks, a great amount of us don't look like a girl without putting forth the effort.  For those that do, it's entirely a major blessing.  The question to ask yourself is, are you willing to work for it?  If you don't look good enough for yourself, work harder.  You're already giving outcomes of giving up without even trying.  While I understand the worry, it's a bridge you've not yet crossed or even seen for that matter; worry about it when it's time.

As for sexual orientation, finding both genders attractive is not really an issue, but more of a realization and something to come to terms with about yourself.  Some of us find both men and women attractive, some find just women attractive and others find just men attractive.

If you want my suggestion, arrange to meet with a gender therapist if possible; you're experiencing worries we've all had.  I apologize if I wasn't too helpful.

[soulsteal]

Transition is a gamble for every single one of us.  We're all dealt the cards and some of us come out with the better hand.  Knowing the possible consequences of transitioning before beginning is extremely important.  Friends and family may decide to exclude themselves from your life.  As you mentioned, others may treat you differently, while others may come closer.  You either accept the risks and do what needs to be done to make yourself whole and happy, or you choose to live in fear and face the possibility of regret.  And sure, you may regret transitioning - but if I must regret something, it'll be something I did rather than something I didn't.  It's your call.

As for looks, a great amount of us don't look like a girl without putting forth the effort.  For those that do, it's entirely a major blessing.  The question to ask yourself is, are you willing to work for it?  If you don't look good enough for yourself, work harder.  You're already giving outcomes of giving up without even trying.  While I understand the worry, it's a bridge you've not yet crossed or even seen for that matter; worry about it when it's time.

As for sexual orientation, finding both genders attractive is not really an issue, but more of a realization and something to come to terms with about yourself.  Some of us find both men and women attractive, some find just women attractive and others find just men attractive.

If you want my suggestion, arrange to meet with a gender therapist if possible; you're experiencing worries we've all had.  I apologize if I wasn't too helpful.

no! of course it was helpful i just am scared that is all i think that i am most likely the only one who will get me through it so... i am just making sure anyway!

[Mahsa Tezani]

Transition is just gonna make your life out of order. It is a difficult process and I don't think some people should transition during a crisis.

How old are you?

[soulsteal]

Transition is just gonna make your life out of order. It is a difficult process and I don't think some people should transition during a crisis.

How old are you?

i am 19 and i am 100% sure that this is what i want to do i am just scared because i'm 200 pounds and that is not where i want to be. I think I should not be so scared because I have only been trying to loose weight for like 2 weeks now, but you know its just a scary situation. i just wanted to know what you guys think. ( also i thought a major part of who i was was going to have to go because i wanted to be a girl, and that is video games, i do not think that it will have to go, i just think i will have to be more active! )

ps also there is no crisis i just am really nervous that everything will be okay and only have a few friends support, and only one of those friends are transsexual, so...

[A_Dresden_Doll]

But a bitch ain't one?


Don't get hung up on the weight. Trust me, I daresay I am one of the biggest girls on here, and I am finding that I have very little issue passing. Btw, I'm 6'2, 230lbs. So, unless you're really short, I don't think being 200lbs is THAT big of a deal. Does it suck? Awww hell ya, it does. I want to get to about 160. And I will get there, just in 10lbs increments. Whatever you decide to do with transition, just remember to break it all down into manageable goals.

[Julo]

Your issue of being sexually attracted to women and men is not really something to worry about. There is so many of us who are bi or lesbians or pan sexuals or combinations which you would not be able to describe with the mainstream vocabulary based on gender binary thinking.
It doesen´t have too much to do with you being trans so don´t stress your self about that. Transitioning is enough to think about and sexuality will sort it self out. That is what I think and is only my opinion and experience, but maybe it helps.
Good that you are dealing with this issue now. I didn´t do anything about it when I was your age and I regret it.

[annette]

There are no garantuees for the rest of your life, nobody have that.
Your worries sounds very familiair, every one of us want a good outcome.

But  putting things in order, you want to be a girl because you are, so......what's the alternative?
There you go...there is no alternative.....you really think we had a choice? No, sweetie, this is life, you have to deal with what you got.
Sorry, if this sounds harsh, but there is no other way to say it, we just are what we are, if I good had have it a easier way, I would certainly have done that.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi soulsteal,

OK!! Let' get serious and down to business.

From what you've said, you are definitely transgendered. i.e. You want to become a complete woman.

Appreciate transitioning is a very complex and multi staged event. So lets focus on the issues you've noted


But i have fears.

1. i am overweight and don't know if i will look like a good girl
Forget transitioning at the moment and even thinking of what you'd look like as a woman. Get serious about the weight loss. It has major life threatening health issues apart from transitioning. When you get to a BMI of approx 25 start the transitioning process. You'll be completely amazed at how attractive you look now.

2. if i do what i want to do and i don't look good or at least fell good about myself, everyone will know and i will never be able to do anything i like without being an outcast.
Stop worrying about scenarios that will never eventuate. Focus and concentrate on being that woman you already identify as. Validate and affirm your feminine person. Give her a name. As I said, this is complex and multi staged process. Your thoughts, feelings and understandings are all moving targets.


3. I have had sexual attraction to females, however only as a female and i have had sexual attraction to men as a female.( this scares me because i am attracted to the female body but as a girl so...?)
Beware of this one. Your feelings are probably more gender related than sexual. You only may think its sexual. You could be relating to the attraction from the point of view of WANTING TO BE that woman. Not wanting to have sex with that woman. It could be an attraction to her hair, fashion, style, physical attributes.

Find a therapist who is familiar with transgender issues. Stay focused on the end goal, but get the weight down. Pre HRT is the time to lose weight. Don't live life in a series of "What if's" It'll get you absolutely no where quickly.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[annette]

And, there is nothing wrong with having sexual feelings to other women when you are a woman yourself.
Before transition sex was some kind of work for me, just to please the other one, because it was the male role.
These days i can enjoy having sex with women very much, so there is a difference.

people with transitionwishes are in all variaties, hetero, gay, lesbian, just like people who don't have to deal with it.
Like catherine said, you can envy the other girls but also have feelings for them.

Now, that's making progress.....there are only 96 problems left. lol
No just kidding.....there is nothing wrong with your feelings.
About the overweight.....I have also the curves of a hippo but it's all about the way of presenting yourself.
If you wear the right clothes, the right make up, you smell nice and talking in a feminine way nobody will see other than female.
Nobody read me, I'm just one of the girls, with neighbors, in shops, at work, and....if I can do it.....you can do it.
Life can be so beautiful without such sorrows.