So, to give an intro, I have been living on my own (read: with my husband) since I ran away at 16. My family has never been the most accepting of folks, and my relationship with my father was bad enough that I took off the first chance I got and never looked back. I moved over 3000 miles away just to get away from my family. That being said, over the last several years starting when I ws 19 and finally started talking to my dad again, our relationship has improved.
Rather, I should say it was improving steadily until last August. Dad got remarried and had a baby with his new wife. Ignoring the fact that I don't think my father really needs to have 6 kids, I was happy for him. She made him happy, helped him improve his health, lose weight, get in shape and was wonderful in helping my younger brothers deal with the issues left over from our mother. However, since the birth of my new brother last August, it seems like our relationship has ... stopped. Before they got married, Dad would call me every 5 days like clockwork if he hadn't heard from me. We would talk for a while and he always expressed a genuine interest in what I was doing. However, last night was a lovely wake up call for me. After almost three weeks of sending texts and calling and leaving messages, I finally got a hold of my dad. After about four minutes of talking his wife (who is out of town) called, and he cut me off mid sentence and said he couldn't talk anymore. It was frustrating to realize that I'm not really a part of the family anymore.
To make matters worse, the last time Dad saw me was two years ago and I was presenting as female. I have no intention of taking any of my women's clothes with me, save for jeans because I only have a few pairs. When I was younger, I used to have to listen to him for hours talk about how I wasn't girly enough. He even tossed every article of "men's" clothing I had; socks included. He threw away my freaking socks. Add onto all of this that his wife is a very, very conservative Southern Baptist and is not accepting of anyone who doesn't fit the white, christian, republican bill. I have no intention of dressing to please my Dad and his wife, because I am 24 and I can dress myself, thank you very much. However, this is probably the last time I will be seeing my family again for three or more years. I am moving to Japan with my partner and his contract is for three year intervals. I don't want to cause issues with my family. I would like to leave on a happy note and ideally be able to spend time with my brothers, since aside from giving birth they are pretty much my children.
And the last nail in the coffin: my Dad lives in Texas, we are spending Christmas in Kentucky going from relative to relative. My father is my ride to everyone's house and I really want to spend time with my Gramma, since she is one person I would swim through fire to see.
I really don't know if I wanted advice, or just to get it out. Part of me feels like I ought to bust out the bras again and just suck it up, but the other part feels really sick at the thought of doing that again. The last time I came out when I was 20 (my first attempt as an adult) I went to visit my Dad, spent two weeks there in girl mode and came home and threw out my binders. My Dad has this ability to instill the worst sense of shame in me. I don't really know how he does it. I suppose because he was always the stable parent figure and I have always wanted his approval.
Bah. The plus side is though, after visiting my family, I get to spend a week with my childhood friend who knows I'm trans. She told me recently that she is going to try and find me some new ties.
Edit: I feel like I painted my Dad to be a horrible guy here. I just wanted to clarify he isn't a monster, he is just a little stunted emotionally from childhood abuse and has a hard time thinking about what he says and does beforehand. I love him, and I even like him most of the time.
