What was the final straw that broke the camel's back for you?

[Nurse With Wound]

My dysphoria was getting worse each day towards my 20th birthday and when my 20th came I just woke up and thought "Screw this, if I don't do anything now nothing will ever happen" and I booked an appointment to see the GP.

[Gadgett]

For me it was the army. over the years I had developed some disciplines that helped me to live comfortable with myself. However since the military is meant to break you down to your core and rebuild you they destroyed those disciplines and since they never address TG issues when they rebuilt me they never reestablished an disciplines to redeal with it.

Also I started to question my christian faith and since I found no answers I lost that big barrier that would say "it was a sin to transition." So since I no longer had any more excuses and I had no more disciplines, It came down to transition or die.

So with the support of my hubby I made the decision to purse it it.

[Lynn]

For me there was no "final straw" per se ...

I had always felt there was just something "wrong". I had never felt comfortable with who I was but I had no idea what exactly it all was. I had become extremely reclusive and pretty much just locked myself up, not wanting anything to do with the outside world anymore. That went on for quite a few years, and then ~2 months ago I stumbled on a video on Youtube by a transgender girl. I had never really thought about it but I decided to look into it, because I was curious what it was all about.

As I was reading, my whole life just started to make sense, I felt like I had finally found a way to describe what I had been feeling all my life.
So here I am now, on the road to transition. In a way I was lucky with the reclusiveness in that I didn't give a ->-bleeped-<- about what people thought anymore, so I was able to come out pretty much right away. It couldn't have gotten any worse anyway.

[Kaylie]

I'm still in the stage of fluctuating between "I HAVE to do this NOW or I'll wallow in misery until I die" and "Maybe I can just stay as I am, and make it good enough, that's so much easier..."

+1

[Julie Marie]

It didn't happen like that for me, that "BOOM" all of the sudden the weight was so great I caved.  In fact, I had resigned myself to the fact I would go to my grave never transitioning.  And there was a deep sadness all the people in my life would have never known the real me.

For me, it happened like this - After 23 years of marriage and raising three kids, with the youngest about to go off to college, I was starting to think about the future, with the children out on their own.  I realized my spouse and I had gone our separate ways and were just living under the same roof.  I was bored stiff.  My marriage was loveless.  And I wasn't getting any younger.  I wanted to have some fun.

My spouse knew about Julie.  She had participated in many a Julie weekend over the years.  It didn't seem to bother her.  I asked her if it was okay to go to the 2004 Be-All and she was fine with it.  I came back knowing I wanted some more fun in my life.  I wanted some more life in my life!

So I started going out.  I always invited her.  She always said, "Not tonight, maybe some other time,"  For the first time in a very long time I was enjoying life.  And I wanted to share that with her.

What I didn't know was she was complaining to the kids about my outings.  Things at home got rocky.  We started to fight.  She started up with some guy 1000 miles away.  Marriage counseling told me it was time to split.  So we did.

Suddenly my kids turned on me.  Siblings stopped talking to me.  And my ex was their best friend.

One day I looked around the home that I had raised three kids and made our family home and realized it was empty and had been for a long time.  I thought, "I spent my entire life pleasing other people and being what I thought they wanted me to be.  Now here I am all alone.  For whom am I being this person I'm not?"  I had no answer.

So I decided to see what life would be like as a woman.  Work got slow.  I was off a total of 6 weeks.  I promised myself I would live full time during that 6 weeks.  If I ever wanted to get a taste of it, that was the time to do it.  Or I'd have to wait until retirement.  I kept my promise and by the time I got called back to work I found I had a tough time going back to the old life.  I knew I would have to seriously consider transitioning.  I just had to figure out how, without losing whatever I had left to lose, my job.     

[MsDazzler]

I got fed up trying to be something I wasn't.  I think the final kicker was losing my job.  Yet again I was being bullied and treated abysmally, as I had been throughout my life.  It had just got to the point where I said to myself what is the point of living a lie only to be miserable and depressed.

Wow, I am sorry to hear that. Did you lose your job prior to becoming full time or because of going full time? I am very fortunate to be able to transition openly on my job...

[Mahsa Tezani]

I was a femme andro  boy prior to transition. Everyone thinking I was a chick when I had a short pixie haircut. So I decided to go for it. I wasn't doing anything with my life at the time. I had always had an interest in drag queens and other things of the nature. I enjoyed being male though, but it wasn't me.

That and I caused hella drama in the SF gay scene and they didn't want me around anymore.

[BrokenCode]

Well as for me  .

My final straw was me looking in the mirror at myself with a knife against my wrist. Sad but true. I couldn't do it though. I was too squeamish with thinking about blood.  lol. But it felt like my time was getting closer and closer. The opt out feelings were increasing every day which made me depressed daily. So I knew that if I didn't do anything now, I probably would of done something stupid later. So it hit me pretty hard in life. I didn't think I could ever recover from that point, but I definitely feel a million times better right now.

Super Duper Hugs

[GinaDouglas]

It was my career.  I didn't want to transition and give up my career in education, but I kept losing jobs anyway, when people figured out what I was doing in private.  Finally, I got to the point where I couldn't even get hired to work in the prison system, and I figured I had nothing more to lose, I might as well transition.

In retrospect, it would have been better to have done it decades ago.  Learn from my mistake.

[Pippa]

Wow, I am sorry to hear that. Did you lose your job prior to becoming full time or because of going full time? I am very fortunate to be able to transition openly on my job...

Well before.   I was effectively singled out for the push whilst a less qualified member of staff was promoted to my level.  I took my employer to an employment tribunal and won.  This stalled my transition a bit but now that I have received compensation (roughly 2 years tax free income) transition is gathering pace.  I am now most definitely full time and have no desire to go back

[MsDazzler]

It was my career.  I didn't want to transition and give up my career in education, but I kept losing jobs anyway, when people figured out what I was doing in private.  Finally, I got to the point where I couldn't even get hired to work in the prison system, and I figured I had nothing more to lose, I might as well transition.

In retrospect, it would have been better to have done it decades ago.  Learn from my mistake.

Omg, can you think about it - being a MTF prison guard? You would be eaten alive!!! 

[umop ap!sdn]

I had a dream where I was brain-transplanted into the body of a young woman. It was all I could think about the whole day. A couple weeks later I came out.